Pulpy and Midge. Jessica WestheadЧитать онлайн книгу.

      On the day of his boss’s retirement party, Pulpy Lembeck took a taxi to work.

      When he got out he thanked the driver and gave him a two-dollar tip, well over the one-dollar tip he and Midge usually gave taxi drivers, which wasn’t very often because normally they took the bus.

      ‘Cheers, bud,’ said the driver, who seemed like the kind of man Pulpy would’ve gone out with for a beer if he went out for beer with men, which he didn’t. He and Midge mostly stayed in, just the two of them.

      Pulpy walked into the welcome area of his office and said ‘Good morning’ to the receptionist.

      ‘Uh huh.’ She nodded without looking at him.

      ‘Cold out there.’ He stamped his boots on the bristly welcome mat.

      She glanced up from the stack of paper she was hole-punching. ‘It’s winter.’

      ‘You’re right about that!’ Pulpy opened the closet to hang up his coat, and frowned a little when he saw that it was full. There was a new coat in there, a shearling one that was taking up a lot of room.

      ‘Did you sign Al’s card yet?’ said the receptionist. ‘There’s a card going around that I picked out. It’s got a mountain on it, with sunlight. It says “Happy Retirement.”’

      ‘I have to think of something to write.’ Pulpy folded his own coat in half and laid it on the floor of the closet, near the back. ‘It’s a great card.’

      ‘Yeah, I’m good at picking them. The trick is finding the balance between thoughtful and sentimental. It’s like when you’re doing a cake.’ She fitted another sheaf of documents into the punch and banged her fist down. ‘There’s a fine line between sweet and too sweet.’

      He shut the closet door and smiled at her. ‘How was your weekend?’

      ‘It’s Friday.’

      ‘Right! You’re right. I just couldn’t remember if I asked you what you did – did I ask you?’

      ‘I went to the winter fair. Does that sound familiar?’

      ‘No.’ He squinted and rubbed his chin. ‘No. I don’t think you told me about that. So I guess I didn’t ask you.’

      ‘I guess not.’

      ‘Sounds like fun. The winter fair. My wife and I are going there this weekend.’

      ‘I went with my boyfriend and he played the fish game but he lost, so I didn’t get a fish.’

      ‘Those fish games can be hard.’

      She twisted her mouth at him. ‘What do you know about fish games?’

      Pulpy shrugged. ‘Not much. Just that they’re hard. It’s all about luck.’

      ‘It’s not about luck, it’s about skill. He spent a bunch of money on a bunch of tries but he didn’t win. He lost. He’s a loser.’ She brushed some stray hole-punch confetti onto the floor.

      Pulpy watched her fingers flutter over the shower of small paper dots. ‘Where’d you get the retirement cake?’

      ‘There is no cake.’ She reached for a box of elastic bands. ‘Al hasn’t asked me to get one yet. He’s cutting it close if he wants something good – if I don’t go soon all they’ll have left is the remainder cakes. And you have to give advance notice if you want a personal message iced on. People don’t think about these things.’

      ‘Cutting it close, ha,’ said Pulpy. The receptionist looked at him, and he cleared his throat. ‘What do you know about the new guy who’s coming in – anything?’

      ‘Just that he’s somebody from a big building.’ She pulled out an elastic band and started stretching it. ‘That’s all I can tell you.’

      He puffed out his cheeks and slowly let the air go. ‘I guess it’s going to be different.’

      ‘Al’s leaving, I’m staying. That’s about it. And it’s about time he retired. The other day he’s standing here, waiting for me to do something for him, and he looks at my international garden calendar. And he looks at this month’s garden and says, “Is that your garden?” And I say to him, “No, that’s a calendar with pictures of gardens in it.” And he says, “Oh. Well, it’s a really nice garden.” And I say, “That’s why it’s in the calendar.” But he still kept on about how much he liked my garden.’

      Pulpy blinked at the bright rows of flowers for February, growing someplace warm in the world. ‘I’m sure he was just trying to be polite.’

      ‘Do you really think that?’ She snapped the elastic band across the room. ‘I don’t know.’

      On the way to his cubicle, Pulpy stopped outside his boss’s office and peeked in.

      Al was at his desk playing with his animal figurines, which had come from his garden at home. ‘The wife wondered where all her nature statuettes went to, so I had to go out and buy her new ones,’ he’d said to Pulpy when he first brought them in. ‘I like them. They give my office a fresh, outdoorsy feel.’

      Pulpy liked them too. He stood there in what he hoped was a casual way, watching while Al pranced his miniature deer up and over his in-tray.

      Finally, Al looked up. ‘Pulpy! There you are. Can I see you a minute?’

      Pulpy smiled and said, ‘You certainly can!’

      He walked into Al’s office thinking about taking Midge out for dinner that night to celebrate. They could go to that fancy surf-and-turf under the hotel. Neither of them ate fish but it was the most expensive restaurant in the area. They could get steak. Or chicken stuffed with something.

      ‘Have a seat.’ Al nodded at the old couch in front of his desk. ‘You coming to my thing?’

      Pulpy sat. ‘Yes.’

      ‘Good.’ Al put down his deer and picked up his camel, and toyed with its hump. ‘Will Midge be there?’

      Pulpy made an apologetic face. Weeks ago, on their way home from Couples Ice Dance Expression, he’d asked Midge if she wanted to come.

      ‘Oh, Pulpy,’ she’d said, flushed from the laps they’d done around the rink, ‘I wish I could. But I think I’d see Mrs. Wings everywhere, and that would just be too much for me.’

      ‘I miss