A Woman In The Shadows. Maria Pia OelkerЧитать онлайн книгу.
to take the place not asked for. But you know, like me, that neither of us has been free to choose and I certainly am not to blame if they separated you from her. Will you reproach me for this lost love for all your life? Why then haven’t you fought for her? Like a tiger you should have pulled out your claws and instead you are closed in yourself, stewing until you put your own life in danger. I well know that you don’t love me and perhaps you never will and if you ever come into my bed, it will be because the sovereign rights and loyalty to the Imperial family call you there. But do you perhaps believe that it’s different for me? You have kept me away from you since the first moment and now - now you come and tell me” -
The tears choked the words in my throat, I tried to swallow them to take control of my emotions again - “Please, go away, I want to be alone.
Leopold remained in silence listening to my bitter outburst.
- “Calm down” - he murmured - “and forgive me. I repeat that I don’t want to force you against your will. You accuse me of not being able to forget, but not even your heart is really as free as you want to make it look. I don’t want us to start our life together so badly. It has been a terrible month, this last one, and I must still take back the reins of myself. I only wanted to talk with you for a bit.”
He took one of my hands and with the other dried the tears which were running down my face. He made me sit down again in the armchair in which I had sunk on his arrival. He sat at my feet and indicated the book he had in his hand.
- “What were you reading, may I know?”
- “Poetry”.
- “Yes, if I remember well you are very poetical, especially when you talk of the sea and the starry skies. We haven’t had much sun lately, have we? But I believe we will find it soon, when we are far from here, in Italy, you and I alone.”
- “Do you think so?”
- “Certainly, trust me and be my friend. I need it.”
I looked at him and saw that he was sincere.
- “Would you like to read me one of those poems?”
- “They are in Spanish; do you understand it?”
- “Just a little, but it’s not too different from Italian, if I remember well, and I understand that perfectly. At the Florence court, we will speak Italian obviously and I am fully committed to learn it properly. You naturally have an advantage, seeing that you were born in Italy.”
- ”But I have a Neapolitan accent you could cut with a knife and, according to my teachers, this was not good. They despaired about it.”
- “You will learn also Florentine. We will learn it together, if you wish” - he added.
I smiled at the idea of the two of us, like little schoolchildren, appling ourselves in the evenings to studying the Tuscan dialect.
- “What are you smiling about?” - he asked
- “The two of us doing our homework in the evenings to show off our good Italian in the morning!”
- “Ah, certainly, we’ll talk about it. How about that poem then?
I chose the poem that I loved most and which talked of the perfume of orange and jasmine flowers which, on the starry nights of the Alhambra, rose up to the open windows of the beloved. And she sighed from her pain at not being able to join her cavalier and run away with him. A prisoner in a palace that was gilded, but for her darker than a prison.
Leopold listened in silence, then asked me for explanations about the words that he had not understood and, finally, he wanted me to read it again.
- “It’s very beautiful even though sad. It’s a bit like you”.
- “No, your Highness, I would say that that it’s more like you.”
- “And you, do you feel like a prisoner?”
- “A little, I was rather spoilt at my father’s court and I felt like the mistress of the world. Now - I’m afraid.”
- “Of what?”
- “Of facing up to the real world and not having any friend to help me do it.”
- “I’ll be there.”
- “You?
- “You insist on not trusting my words. It’s my fault, I know, and I ask your forgiveness. But I’m sincere when I tell you that we will be friends. Give me time, I beg you, for all the rest.”
- “Time heals, time destroys. Time does not give love that the heart does not feel.”
- “Who said that?”
- “My Neapolitan governess said it. It must be an Italian saying.”
- “Perhaps it’s wrong, don’t you think?”
- “It could be” - I admitted.
- “Do you hope so?
- “Yes” - I confessed - “I believe in“ - I shook my head and did not finish.
Leopold hid his face in my hands, kissing them tenderly:
- “What? Tell me, please.”
- “That you’re in love with me. For that reason, I’ve hated you so much for your coldness these last few days, when I would have wanted warmth and affection.”
Leopold whispered: “For me you’re like the sun after the winter. I can’t promise you that I will forget, but I swear to you that I will always respect you and always be near you. You can count on me every minute of your life.”
He held me tight and kissed me. I returned his kiss and, for the first time since my departure from Spain, I felt at home.
We remained chatting about a piece of poetry, Tuscany, the sea of Naples and the Alhambra gardens, the snow-covered Alps and the parks of Vienna.
Leopold laughed at my Neapolitan witty remarks and I was spellbound to hear his political projects, remaining amazed by his maturity and soundly judgement, unusual for such a young boy. He wanted my opinion about things of which I was totally ignorant.
When I apologised he observed: “Don’t worry, I will teach you myself. Do you know that in my family they call me “The Professor”, because of my obsession with explaining everything that they do not know?
He was ironic and sometimes really nice.
It was getting late and Leopold said that it was time for him to go.
- “I have disturbed you too much and you must be very tired.”
- “You haven’t disturbed me, I am pleased that you came.”
- “All right. See you in the morning.”
- “Yes”.
He bent down and kissed my hand with his usual formal composure. He went towards the door, then thought again and turned towards me. He embraced me almost convulsively and murmured: - “Don’t you want to let me stay with you tonight?”
I felt an explosion of joy in my heart - “I want it more than anything else in the world.”
He loosened my hair and I undid his shirt. Our hands joined and our mouths searched for each other greedily.
He took me in his arms, notwithstanding that I protested that he should not make that effort, and placed me on the big bed that saw us finally become husband and wife.
Shortly after dawn, he woke me up and he said to me that he had to return to his apartments to get ready for our departure.
I, still half asleep, could not immediately comprehend the situation and I had to look at him with the rather dazed air of someone seeing a ghost, because he kissed me and said: “Don’t you remember any more that I’m now your husband?”
I smiled: “Yes,