Yes, Please. Thanks!: Teaching Children of All Ages Manners, Respect and Social Skills for Life. Penny PalmanoЧитать онлайн книгу.
children will dance away for hours following the ‘right steps’.
The School Run
So many children are chauffeured everywhere these days that the opportunity to walk has been severely curtailed. Sadly, as a result of today’s society, parents are also concerned about the risk their children may be exposed to by walking in public. One solution is to drive part of the way to school and to walk the remainder with your child.
Teenagers’ Eating Habits
If children grow up aware that their mothers have been perpetually trying new diets, weighing themselves and commenting on their weight, they may well grow up with the same anxieties which can lead to eating disorders.
Growing teenagers are permanently hungry and are happy to continually graze on snacks throughout the day (the expression ‘eating me out of house and home’ springs to mind), so rather than fill the cupboards with sugar-laden, high-fat snacks, make sure that there are plenty of healthy snacks in the house, like fresh fruit, dried fruit, nuts, seeds, plain biscuits, brown wholegrain bread and fillings for sandwiches and toasties. If you buy crisps, choose the low-fat variety.
Home-cooking and eating as a family around the table is the easiest way to make sure the family has a good nutritional evening meal, and a way of seeing exactly what your teenager is eating.
Comfort Foods
We’ve all been there, feeling low and depressed. The first thing we do is hit the biscuit tin then feel more depressed that we ate most of the contents. As we would much prefer our children to never turn to food for comfort, try to avoid giving them treat foods as a consolation when they are growing up. Try and start a new regime of going for a walk or some other type of exercise if you are feeling low. The fresh air and exercise will immediately start to make you feel better.
Respecting Other Children’s Dietary Needs
Always respect the dietary needs of children visiting your home. Their parents will tell you what they must avoid and, to make life easier on everyone, simply do not have that product available to your own children on that particular day. I only mention this because I know of a situation where a mother gave a biscuit as a treat to a young playmate of her children. Unfortunately, the child was hypersensitive to sugar but was too young to realize any different, and was as high as a kite for about four days.
Forget the DVDs, TVs, Playstations, designer trainers and designer clothes (except, obviously, for us). What children really need (as opposed to what they think they need) is a combination of love, discipline, attention, communication, routine, continuity, consistency, example and respect, and wouldn’t it be simple if we could just go and buy them. But nobody said bringing up children was going to be simple. As every child is different, only you will work out how much of all these vital components your particular child needs to find the right combination.
How to Show Love
Our children need to feel and know that they are loved, with that unconditional love that only we, their parents, can give them which is not tied to the way they behave or perform and cannot be withdrawn as a means of manipulation. Love needs to be shown in different ways, by physical affection, by showing respect and acceptance, and by the way we care for and nurture our children.
From day one, babies physically and mentally need bodily contact to bond with their parents. And it’s not just as babies that your children need to be cuddled, but all through their developing years to adulthood. Even adults enjoy a hug with their parents. Children need the reassurance that physical contact in the form of kisses and cuddles, a stroke of the cheek, or an arm around a shoulder can provide. We should reinforce how we feel by actually telling them that they are loved.
Far too many parents neglect, unintentionally, to demonstrate enough physical contact to their children as they grow up. And whilst a 14-year-old may dislike showing any physical emotion towards their parents in front of their friends, they will be just as happy to have a hug with their mother or father when they get home.
Parents who had a loving childhood may find it easier to show love than parents who were deprived of physical love as children, so some parents have to make more effort to be physical, but it is absolutely essential that children never have to question their parents’ love for them.
Young children enjoy seeing their parents showing affection to each other; it’s just as they get older that they get horribly embarrassed.
Love must also be shown by guiding and educating your children so that they can function happily in their environment. It must never be confused with putting your hand in your pocket.
There are two ways of showing love – one is the cuddly love of hugs and kisses and the other is the equally important one of teaching your child how to behave.
Little Things Mean a Lot
Apart from the usual ways in which we can show our love for our children, they also appreciate little kind, thoughtful gestures, just as we like our partners to do for us. For instance, if they have a test at school, let them know you are thinking of them by sending a good-luck text with an encouraging message, ‘Thinking of you. Go show ’em. You can do it. Luv u, Mum.’ If you know that they’re a bit low because they didn’t make the football team or get the part in the school play they wanted, surprise them with their favourite treat to help cheer them up. Or once they’ve left for school you discover they have left an important piece of school-work at home, make the effort to take it to the school. Don’t just think, ‘Oh they’re always forgetting things, this’ll teach them,’ or turn up at the school and give your child a lecture on getting organized before you hand the work over. Be loving, be kind. They will learn to be more organized. When you see the look of relief on their faces, simply say with a smile, ‘It’s a good job I love you so much.’
Sometimes you could just give your children a big hug and tell them you just couldn’t resist doing it because they are so gorgeous. Wouldn’t we all love it if our partners (still/ever) did that? But perhaps if we did it to them, they might!
The very word discipline disappeared almost completely from parenting for many years because we all grew to associate discipline with harsh punishment. What it really means, though, is teaching our children how to behave so they can eventually control their own behaviour. In fact the word discipline is derived from the Latin word disciplina, meaning instruction, and not, as you may have thought, “A darn good spanking.”
Don’t worry that they will love you any less because you have to be occasionally firm with them; they will in fact love you all the more when they realize they have grown into socially acceptable, functional adults.
How We Start to Impose Discipline on Our Children
