THE COLLECTED WORKS OF RUDYARD KIPLING (Illustrated Edition). Rudyard KiplingЧитать онлайн книгу.
this theme she had passed through before coming down to him.
'You are going? I'm so glad.' She hesitated a moment. 'You know why!' she added, with what he saw was an intention of kindness.
Tarvin laughed as he seated himself. 'I like that. Yes; I'm going,' he said. 'But I'm not going alone. You're in the plan,' he assured her, with a nod.
She shook her head.
'No; don't say that, Kate. You mustn't. It's serious this time.'
'Hasn't it always been?' she sank into a chair. 'It's always been serious enough for me--that I couldn't do what you wish, I mean. Not doing it--that is doing something else; the one thing I want to do--is the most serious thing in the world to me. Nothing has happened to change me, Nick. I would tell you in a moment if it had. How is it different for either of us?'
'Lots of ways. But that I've got to leave Rhatore for a sample. You don't think I'd leave you behind, I hope.'
She studied the hands she had folded in her lap for a moment. Then she looked up and faced him with her open gaze.
'Nick,' she said, 'let me try to explain as clearly as I can how all this seems to me. You can correct me if I'm wrong.'
'Oh, you're sure to be wrong!' he cried; but he leaned forward.
'Well, let me try. You ask me to marry you!'
'I do,' answered Tarvin solemnly. 'Give me a chance of saying that before a clergyman, and you'll see.'
'I am grateful, Nick. It's a gift--the highest, the best, and I'm grateful. But what is it you really want? Shall you mind my asking that, Nick? You want me to round out your life; you want me to complete your other ambitions. Isn't that so? Tell me honestly, Nick; isn't that so?'
'No!' roared Tarvin.
'Ah, but it is! Marriage is that way. It is right. Marriage means that--to be absorbed into another's life: to live your own, not as your own but another's. It is a good life. It's a woman's life. I can like it; I can believe in it. But I can't see myself in it. A woman gives the whole of herself in marriage--in all happy marriages. I haven't the whole of myself to give. It belongs to something else. And I couldn't offer you a part it is all the best men give to women, but from a woman it would do no man any good.'
'You mean that you have the choice between giving up your work and giving up me, and that the last is easiest.'
'I don't say that; but suppose I did, would it be so strange? Be honest, Nick. Suppose I asked you to give up the centre and meaning of your life? Suppose I asked you to give up your work? And suppose I offered in exchange--marriage! No, no!' She shook her head. 'Marriage is good; but what man would pay that price for it?'
'My dearest girl, isn't that just the opportunity of women?'
'The opportunity of the happy women--yes; but it isn't given to every one to see marriage like that. Even for women there is more than one kind of devotion.'
'Oh, look here, Kate! A man isn't an Orphan Asylum or a Home for the Friendless. You take him too seriously. You talk as if you had to make him your leading charity, and give up everything to the business. Of course you have to pretend something of the kind at the start, but in practice you only have to eat a few dinners, attend a semi-annual board meeting, and a strawberry festival or two to keep the thing going. It's just a general agreement to drink your coffee with a man in the morning, and be somewhere around, not too far from the fire, in not too ugly a dress, when he comes home in the evening. Come! It's an easy contract. Try me, Kate, and you'll see how simple I'll make it for you. I know about the other things. I understand well enough that you would never care for a life which didn't allow you to make a lot of people happy besides your husband. I recognise that. I begin with it. And I say that's just what I want. You have a talent for making folks happy. Well, I secure you on a special agreement to make me happy, and after you've attended to that, I want you to sail in and make the whole world bloom with your kindness. And you'll do it, too. Confound it, Kate, we'll do it! No one knows how good two people could be if they formed a syndicate and made a business of it. It hasn't been tried. Try it with me! O Kate, I love you, I need you, and if you'll let me, I'll make a life for you!'
'I know, Nick, you would be kind. You would do all that a man can do. But it isn't the man who makes marriages happy or possible; it's the woman, and it must be. I should either do my part and shirk the other, and then I should be miserable; or I should shirk you and be more miserable. Either way such happiness is not for me.'
Tarvin's hand found the Naulahka within his breast, and clutched it tight. Strength seemed to go out of it into him--strength to restrain himself from losing all by a dozen savage words.
'Kate, my girl,' he said quietly, 'we haven't time to conjure dangers. We have to face a real one. You are not safe here. I can't leave you in this place, and I've got to go. That is why I ask you to marry me at once.'
'But I fear nothing. Who would harm me?'
'Sitabhai,' he answered grimly. 'But what difference does it make? I tell you, you are not safe. Be sure that I know.'
'And you?'
'Oh, I don't count.'
'The truth, Nick!' she demanded.
'Well, I always said that there was nothing like the climate of Topaz.'
'You mean you are in danger--great danger, perhaps.'
'Sitabhai isn't going round hunting for ways to save my precious life, that's a fact.' He smiled at her.
'Then you must go away at once; you mustn't lose an hour. O Nick, you won't wait!'
'That's what I say. I can do without Rhatore; but I can't do without you. You must come.'
'Do you mean that if I don't you will stay?' she asked desperately.
'No; that would be a threat. I mean I'll wait for you.' His eyes laughed at her.
'Nick, is this because of what I asked you to do?' she demanded suddenly.
'You didn't ask me,' he defended.
'Then it is, and I am much to blame.'
'What, because I spoke to the King? My dear girl, that isn't more than the introductory walkaround of this circus. Don't run away with any question of responsibility. The only thing you are responsible for at this moment is to run with me--flee, vamoose, get out! Your life isn't worth an hour's purchase here. I'm convinced of that. And mine isn't worth a minute's.'
'You see what a situation you put me in,' she said accusingly.
'I don't put you in it; but I offer you a simple solution.'
'Yourself!'
'Well, yes; I said it was simple. I don't claim it's brilliant. Almost any one could do more for you; and there are millions of better men, but there isn't one who could love you better. O Kate, Kate,' he cried, rising, 'trust yourself to my love, and I'll back myself against the world to make you happy.'
'No, no,' she exclaimed eagerly; 'you must go away.'
He shook his head. 'I can't leave you. Ask that of some one else. Do you suppose a man who loves you can abandon you in this desert wilderness to take your chances? Do you suppose any man could do that? Kate, my darling, come with me. You torment me, you kill me, by forcing me to allow you a single moment out of my sight. I tell you, you are in imminent, deadly peril. You won't stay, knowing that. Surely you won't sacrifice your life for these creatures.'
'Yes,' she cried, rising, with the uplifted look on her face. 'Yes! If it is good to live for them, it is good to die for them. I do not believe my life is necessary; but if it is necessary, that too!'
Tarvin gazed at her, baffled, disheartened, at a loss. 'And you won't come?'
'I can't. Good-bye, Nick. It's the end.'
He took her hand. 'Good afternoon,' he responded. 'It's end enough for to-day.'
She