Living With Dignity. Anthony EkanemЧитать онлайн книгу.
Treating others with dignity, then, becomes the starting point of our relationship. You are not required to do anything for others to treat you with dignity.
Treating people with dignity means treating them the way you would like them to treat you. You have the right to lead a dignified life, so do other people. So, regardless of who you are or what you are, you need to treat others with dignity. You treat someone with dignity when you lend a helping hand, stand up for a friend, or recognise the qualities and talents that make every individual unique.
It is when you treat people with dignity that you can achieve most of your heart desires. Such desires may include being good in academics if you are a student, making friends, living a happy life, and even making a difference in your immediate environment or the larger society.
To have dignity means to be valued and to treat others with value. For example, if someone takes a picture of you that reflects your true self, that shows respect for you and strengthens your dignity. On the other hand, if a photo of you in a situation you don't want to be seen in is shown to others, that shows disrespect for you, and you might feel someone has hurt your dignity.
When people experience violation of their dignity, they feel a desire for revenge against those who violated them.
More often than not, many leaders, managers, and others find it difficult and challenging to honour the dignity of the people that work with them. Although honouring dignity is not a simple task, it is something that can be learned. Lack of "dignity consciousness" means that people have not learned how to treat others in a way that demonstrates value and appreciation. What is missing here is dignity education and dignity consciousness. For instance, it is easy to discriminate against someone different from you. Many people have an inborn bias towards people who are most like them. You have to work hard to overcome that bias and treat everyone in a fair and evenhanded manner.
When you engage in dignity violating behaviours that are at the core of most conflicts, you are driven by self-preservation instincts that bring out the worst in you. You can do much better than that. You need to raise the conversation with an understanding of dignity, which is what we all yearn for, and it is our highest common denominator. The way to this higher ground is to have dignity consciousness. And you can achieve this by educating yourself – taking the time to learn about it and to practise honouring your dignity and the dignity of others. And that is what this book is meant to achieve.
Looking bad in the eyes of other people is something we all try to avoid like a plague. Instead of looking bad in the eyes of others, our instincts want us to cover up, lie, and even blame and shame others rather than turning over a new leaf. Dignity consciousness enables us to override these base instincts and take responsibility for our actions, and in so doing, maintaining our dignity.
If you are a leader, for example, and you want to create a culture of dignity in your organisation, it is essential to develop policies that honour dignity. You need to consider the consequences of all your actions and decisions. Ask yourself: Are the policies you are putting in place fair? Do you give people the benefit of the doubt? Are you giving people the needed independence and freedom to work without being micromanaged? You need to be conscious of all the elements of dignity and assess how the policies are either honouring them or not.
Leaders and managers all over the world commit a great deal of time, effort and resources to their professional development. These include advanced degrees and work experiences that have gotten them to where they are. If they dedicated a fraction of the time to educate themselves about dignity, they would improve their capacity to become not just good leaders but great leaders. Once they have learned how to honour dignity, to practise it daily becomes easy.
Chapter 1
Accept Other People As They Are
It is normal to wish that other people were different, just as it is reasonable to wish that you were different. It is fine to try to influence others in skilful and ethical ways. However, problems arise when you tip into righteousness, resistance, anger, fault-finding, pestering, or any other kind of struggle.
To accept other people as they are does not mean allowing yourself to be maltreated or walked over by others. It means that you stop resisting the "what is" of the present moment by wishing it was different.
Accepting other people as they are does not mean agreeing with them, approving of them, waiving your rights, or downplaying their impact on you. It is about treating people as neither inferior nor superior to you. It is giving others the freedom to express themselves without the fear of being negatively judged. And it is about interacting with others without prejudice or bias; and accepting the way race, religion, gender, social class, sexual orientation, age and disability, are at the core of human identities. Understand that every human being has integrity and accept them just as they are.
However, you can take appropriate actions to protect or support yourself or others. Or you can let other people be themselves. Either way, you accept the truth and reality of the other person. You may not like it, and you may feel sad or angry about it; but at a deeper level, you will be at peace with yourself. That alone is energising. And sometimes, your decision to accept others as they are can help things get better than if you tried to change them.
You may be unable to accept someone, or many people, for countless reasons, and this has led you to think, speak or act negatively. For example, you may have difficulty accepting your spouse because he or she snores. He or she may also have little interest in sex or is unable to keep and maintain high personal hygiene. For other people, acceptance may be difficult for various reasons. But whatever the reasons are, remember that you can disagree with, make requests of, or stand up to other people and still accept them entirely.
When you accept other people, you can tolerate whatever comes up for you. And many times, you avoid accepting other people as a way of avoiding the feelings you would have if you accepted them. Now, consider how you got entangled with this other person, struggling to change him or her. When you do this, you will become aware of your rightness or wrongness, judgments, narrow views, hurts, longings, grievances and remorse. See if you can let go of some or even all of these entanglements. You will experience the comfort, the relief, and the peace of mind that come when you so do.
Also, consider how much you will like it when you know that someone else accepts you completely, just the way you are. It is a beautiful gift which you can also give to others when you accept them. Imagine how it can help improve your relationship with someone if that person knows that you accept him or her fully. Accepting others is a gift that gives back to the giver.
HOW TO ACCEPT OTHERS AS THEY ARE
You may have, at one time or another, had a hard time "fitting in" somewhere. Whether it was at school or work, in a group of friends, or even in your family, you can relate to feeling unaccepted at one time or the other. On the flip side, you can also think of a time when you had trouble accepting other people.
Acceptance is the ability to allow other people to be who they are. That means having a right to their opinions, feelings and thoughts. When you accept people as they are, you let go of your desire to change them. You allow them to feel the way they want to feel, and you let them be different and think differently from you. Everyone is different in one way or the other. Once you come to terms with this truth, you will be able to stop trying to change others to the people you want them to be, and start accepting them for who they are.
Acceptance of others is not easy when people act differently from the way you do. Many of us have trouble accepting those who are different. By learning the skill of acceptance as enunciated in this book, you will be better able to understand yourself and those who are different from you.
Acceptance of other people means dropping judgment and expectations of how you think people should act. It also means releasing the superiority complexes you might pick up at times when you feel more evolved spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. The truth is that you will never fully know what is going on in someone else's life. You may not know the full truth and all their stories;