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Autism and the Extended Family
A Guide for Those Outside the Immediate FamilyWho Know and Love Someone with Autism
Raun Melmed, M.D.and Maria Wheeler, M.Ed.
Autism and the Extended Family: A Guide for Those Outside the Immediate Family Who Know and Love Someone with Autism
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© Copyright 2015 Raun Melmed, M.D. and Maria Wheeler, M.Ed.
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ISBN: 9781935274667
Table of Contents
CHAPTER 2:Welcome to the World of Autism!
CHAPTER 3:How Lives Are Affected after Autism is Diagnosed
CHAPTER 4:Grandparents
CHAPTER 5:How are Siblings Impacted by Extended Family Matters?
CHAPTER 6:Stepfamilies and Other Blended Families
CHAPTER 7:Uncles and Aunts
CHAPTER 8:Close Friends
CHAPTER 9:Cousins
CHAPTER 10:Surviving and Enjoying Special Events and Holidays
CHAPTER 11:Conclusion
APPENDIX: Activities
Activity A -Who is your extended family?
Activity B -Conflict resolution for the extended family
Activity C -Create an Autism Survival Kit
Activity D -How to communicate well – for step-parents and everyone else
Activity E -Everyone should practice stress management
Activity F -Behavior management for extended family members
Activity G -How to handle rude comments in public and even bullying
Activity H -Tips for toileting and eating
Appendix I -Adult and Child Rights
Resources
In Chapter 11 of this splendid new family guide to autism, Dr. Raun Melmed and Maria Wheeler allude to the much loved story of the plane that was meant to take us to Italy, but instead lands us in Holland.
For most of us, Holland is not where the plane lands. Holland is an easy country filled with friendly people who respond sensibly to newcomers.
No, the plane we’re on takes us spiraling down the Alice in Wonderland Rabbit Hole into an unpredictable world alive with noisy behavior that demands our total attention, only to change as fast as we’ve figured it out.
Where have we landed and who is this small screaming creature who shudders at our slightest touch and won’t look at us?
Up until now, we thought all babies liked us and wanted to be with us. We used to say, “A baby needs a mother to know she’s a baby and a mother needs a baby to know she’s a mother.” Not anymore!
Okay, then what about Dad? Dad likes to fix things, but his baby’s behavior can’t be “fixed” not in the old familiar father-to-son way. When a man can’t handle his own son, what kind of a man is he?
“Few conditions are as puzzling and mysterious as autism,” Melmed and Wheeler write.
Indeed yes, welcome to the Rabbit Hole World where autism scrambles all our old notions about raising children.
Autism takes over and almost at once it’s hard for parents to hang onto who it is we thought we were. Along with the daily tasks of caretaking, which can be formidable, our individual sense of self gets shaky. And with it, how we think we’re perceived by others.
At this point, we also find we’re struggling to hang onto old customs and shared neighborhood values in a rapidly evolving culture that puts a higher value on personal identity and individual achievement.
In truth, the old customs and values are pretty much outmoded for everyone. And in their places, we have an Internet gadget that lures us into a virtual world of instant answers. All it takes is a finger sweeping gesture on the shiny face of a new cell phone.
Going to Australia? Dr. Google tells us what shots to get. Took the wrong turn to Minneola? GPS straightens us out. Need a new life partner? Virtual dating sites have the perfect mate.
Welcome to the world of easy answers — only there are no easy answers for autism. But if you are looking for a moment of much needed peace of mind, here’s a wireless head phone. Wear it and you’re isolated — dancing alone to disc jockey music only you can hear.
In this shifting, fragmented confusion where everyone and everything is up for grabs, how are Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) parents to manage?
First lesson of Rabbit Hole World is nobody can raise an autism spectrum child alone. Each family needs step-by-step professional guidance. And each family also needs an extended family to circle the wagons around them.
Sounds good, but how do we know “professional guidance” isn’t just one more Google answer? And who will help us assemble an extended family?
Now‘s the moment to turn to the book written by Raun Melmed, a pediatrician who understands and specializes in guiding families