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The Worst Breakfast. China MiévilleЧитать онлайн книгу.

The Worst Breakfast - China Miéville


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       Table of Contents

      ___________________

       Dedication

       The Worst Breakfast

       About the Authors

       Copyright & Credits

       About Akashic Books

      To Cassia

      —China Miéville

      To all the picky eaters. It gets better, I promise.

      —Zak Smith

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      I’m worried, little sis. Something’s amiss.

      Amiss?

      This reminds me of the worst breakfast . . .

      The worst breakfast?

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      You can’t have forgotten the worst breakfast! The toast was burnt. The SMELL! The SMOKE! It made us CHOKE!

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      I don’t remember.

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      IT WAS NO JOKE! How about the eggs? Remember THEM? They were BAD eggs. They were no fun. They were SEVERELY underdone.

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      And the PORRIDGE! Too thick, too gluey, too salty. It should be creamy, made of oats, not GUNK scraped off the hulls of boats.

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      That doesn’t ring a bell.

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      NOTHING went right. The sausages were a catastrophe. Half too COLD and half TOO HOT, some bone-dry, most wet as SNOT.

      Dis. Gus. Ting. En-TIRE-ly.

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      If it wasn’t one thing, it was another.

      How did we RECOVER?

      The beans weren’t baked. Or cooked. Or clean. I only swallowed one baked bean. That was more than enough. And I almost spit it out.

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      It sounds AWFUL. But are you sure that’s how it was?

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      YOU BREAKFAST-FORGETTER! Close your eyes and picture it . . . We swallowed slimy red tomato without gusto or bravado—

      You can’t rhyme TOMATO and BRAVADO!

      I can if we’re English. Almost. Tu-MAH-toe, bruh-VAH-doe.

      But what if we’re American? Then we say tuh-MAY-toe.

      Okay then. The steaming slick tomato hill was oozing into RANCID swill . . . that made us ill . . . I took a pill . . . I can taste it still . . .

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