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THE
COLLECTED WISDOM OF
FATHERS
Creating Loving Bonds
that Last a Lifetime
Will Glennon
Foreword by
Joe Kelly
CONARI PRESS
Berkeley, California
Copyright ©1995 by Will Glennon
Foreword copyright ©2002 by Joe Kelly
All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations in critical articles or reviews. For information, contact: Conari Press, 2550 Ninth Street, Suite 101, Berkeley, CA 94710-2551.
Conari Press books are distributed by Publishers Group West.
ISBN: 1-57324-814-2
Cover design: Laura Shaw
Cover photo: Bill Carter
This has been previously catalogued by the
Library of Congress under this title:
Glennon, Will, 1949—
Fathering: strengthening connection with your children
no matter where you are / Will Glennon.
p. cm.
ISBN 1-57324-002-8 (trade paper)
1. Fatherhood—Psychological aspects.
2. Father and child. 3. Parenting.
HQ756.G55 1995
306.874'2—dc20
95-3726
Printed in the United States of America.
02 03 04 05 06 Malloy 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
To my father William Glennon
for teaching me the power
and potential of father
To Mary Jane Ryan
for honoring a father's
choice to parent
And to Damian and Rachelle
for making it all
so wonderfully rewarding.
Contents
FOREWORD, Joe Kelly
INTRODUCTION
1 THE CRISIS IN FATHERING
A recent study found that only 20% of the fathers surveyed felt that they had a close emotional relationship with either their father or their sons .
2 CAUGHT IN THE CURRENTS OF CHANGE
What we must face is that the absent father—either physically or emotionally—is a tragic consequence of the times we live in. But we can choose to begin to change that .
3 OUTSIDE FROM THE BEGINNING
For most of us the transition to fatherhood is like being dunked into a bath of ice water, something for which we have had no preparation .
4 THE HEART OF FATHERING
Ultimately our tasks as fathers is to become conversant and comfortable enough with our own emotions that we can receive and nurture the feelings of our children .
5 ACCEPTING THE POWERFUL RESPONSIBILITY OF FATHERING
We all know from intimate experience that our fathers had an almost unbelievably powerful influence on our lives, yet it seems so difficult for us to remember that this is exactly the same power we wield over our own children .
6 THE THRILL OF KNOWING YOUR CHILDREN DEEPLY
The very fact that our children are different from us is one of the great gifts of fathering. Often what they need is for us to let them know that even though we are different, their interests, dreams, trials, and heartbreaks are important to us .
7 FATHERING WITH RESPECT & HONESTY
Loving our children is undeniably our essential starting point, but we can't just sit back comfortably knowing how much we love them and expect everything to turn out all right. We must show our love in vibrant and bold colors .
8 THE PARADOX OF CHALLENGE & ACCEPTANCE
It is our job to encourage our children to take risks, to expand their world, to expose themselves to new experiences, and yet at the same time, it is our sacred duty to support them simply for who they are .
9 FATHERING ACROSS DISTANCE
Whether we live in separate cities, are off on submarines for months at a time, or simply work too much, there is a very simple truth we need to incorporate in our fathering —distance is not measured in miles or minutes, but in our children's hearts .
10 BEING THERE FOR THE LONG HAUL
In the moment we decided to become fathers, invisible threads of connection expanded outward, welcoming us into a vast community that stretches across time and beyond our comprehension. Part of our job as fathers is to become the human bridge across that expanse for our children.
RECOMMENDED FURTHER READING
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
