Goddess Interrupted. Aimee CarterЧитать онлайн книгу.
you—” I stopped, but Henry nodded encouragingly. “Do you want to someday? A few decades or centuries from now?”
He gave me a wan smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “We will see how you feel then. I do not wish to saddle you with another responsibility you did not ask for. Now come, we must get you ready.”
I frowned. What was that supposed to mean? Did he think I didn’t want this, to be married to him and everything that came along with it?
James’s words floated back to me. This was the choice he’d been talking about, wasn’t it? He knew Henry was having doubts. He knew Henry thought he was a burden to me, or that I was going to pull a Persephone and leave him. Worse, James had tried to talk me into it.
“You know I want this, right?” I said. “No matter what anyone else has said—”
“No one else has said a word about this to me,” said Henry. “Even your mother has respected my boundaries. For once,” he added under his breath. “But this is the beginning of our rule together. We do not need to make these decisions right away.”
Our rule together, not our life together. Another distinction, but this time it wasn’t a slip of the tongue. My throat tightened. “Not when you think I might back out of it anyway, right?”
He hesitated. “I am not your captor. If you wish to leave, you may.”
“No, you’re not my captor. You’re supposed to be my husband,” I snapped. “Do you want me to leave? Do you want to rule alone or—or fade or whatever will happen to you if I go?”
I wanted him to yell at me. I wanted him to be livid. I wanted to make him feel the overpowering emotions he triggered in me when he was like this, when I was so desperate for the approval he refused to give me that I was practically tearing my hair out.
Instead he watched me with a maddeningly calm gaze and said evenly, “I would like for you to give us both some time to adjust to this. It is a new life for us both, and I wish to grow into it together rather than war. There is no need to rush. We have eternity.”
It was rational. That was the worst part about it; I had nothing to bark at him about. He was being the mature one, giving us both space to adjust to this, and I was being the one who clung to him because even though I trusted him with my life, I didn’t trust him enough to love me the way I wanted him to. And in that moment, part of me hated him for it.
“Just tell me if you want me to be here or not,” I whispered. “Please.”
He lowered his head, as if he wanted to kiss me, but he pulled away at the last second. “What I want should never dictate what you do. I want you to be happy, and so long as you are content, I will be, as well.”
That wasn’t an answer and he knew it, but I deflated and followed Henry into the bedroom, where he put on his shirt. I didn’t want to fight, either. I knew things weren’t going to be perfect, and maybe it was James’s fault for making me doubt Henry to begin with, or maybe it was the reminders of Persephone everywhere I looked, but all I wanted was a little reassurance. A touch. A kiss. A word. Anything.
I brushed my fingers against the jeweled flower in my pocket. That would have to be enough for now.
“I presume Ava showed you the closet,” said Henry. “You may pick out anything you wish to wear, though as the ceremony tonight is considered formal, something dressier than you may prefer would be more appropriate.”
“Right,” I said softly. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
I hesitated. Did he love me? Was he still in love with Persephone? Did he even want me to be crowned his queen, or was I simply a stand-in for my sister? Why hadn’t he come to see me while I’d been in Greece with James?
But the courage it took for me to ask those questions had disappeared. I dug deep, trying to find some remnants of it as I imagined the inevitable six months of tension and loneliness if I didn’t, but I came up empty. Every piece of me was drenched in sick fear that Henry didn’t want me here after all, that he’d only gone along with it because my mother and the rest of the council had forced him to. That I would be to Henry what he had been to Persephone: nothing but an obligation. So I copped out. “Which dress do you prefer?”
As Henry led me into the closet to peruse the rack of formal gowns, I reached for his hand, but the moment I touched him, he pulled away. Instead he held up the silver gown I’d admired before. “What about this?”
Nausea washed over me. Maybe he’d simply reached for the dress and hadn’t realized I’d been reaching for him, but half the time he seemed to know what move I was going to make before I did. No matter how I justified it, I couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d done it on purpose.
But continuing to fight would only give him an excuse to push me further away, and I’d had enough of that for one day. Tonight, after the ceremony, after everything was settled, then we would talk, and I wouldn’t give him the chance to walk away.
“That’s nice,” I said, forcing a smile. I took the dress, but before I could move toward the changing screen, a loud bang echoed from the bedroom, and I dropped the hanger.
James burst into the closet, stopping short when he saw me standing there with Henry. His shoulders slumped and all the air seemed to leave his lungs, and I could have sworn I saw a flash of resentment on his face. But before I could say a word, it was gone, replaced by the same blankness that had been there earlier.
“There’s been another attack.”
Henry stiffened, and any hope I had of an afternoon with him was gone. He picked up the gown and handed it to me, and one moment he was beside me, and the next he was in the bedroom.
“Tell them to continue preparations for the ceremony,” said Henry as he finished buttoning his shirt. “James and I will return before it starts.”
I stared at him. “You’re going out again? After nearly bleeding to death?”
His lips formed a thin line. “It is my duty. This will not take long.”
“What if whatever hurt you this time makes things even worse?”
“It won’t,” said Henry flatly. “Do as I say and do not worry about it. We will return shortly.”
I huffed indignantly. Do as he said? During my time in Eden, he’d given me orders to keep me safe, but we were supposed to be partners now. Bossing me around wasn’t okay. If that’s the way he was going to play it, then things were going to have to change. I wasn’t a helpless mortal anymore. And it was about time we both started acting like it.
I had no time to voice my protests. James at least had the decency to give me an apologetic look, but Henry’s expression was blank as they both blinked out of sight, leaving me alone in the bedroom. Something wrenched inside of me as I realized those might be the last words I ever heard Henry say, and I clutched the dress so tightly that the fabric threatened to rip.
“I swear,” I muttered to Pogo, “if either of them dies permanently, I am never speaking to them again.”
I may not have been in Eden anymore, but some things never changed.
Ava helped me get ready, sitting me in front of the vanity and spending nearly an hour doing my hair. I let her apply some foundation and lipstick, but I put my foot down when she tried to attack me with eyeliner and mascara.
“Come on, Kate,” she said with a pout. “This is a once-in-a-lifetime thing. You have to look absolutely ravishing, or else I would never forgive myself.”
“Are you saying I need makeup to look beautiful?” I said, and her perfectly done eyes widened.
“No, of course not! I only meant—I don’t want to make you look like a different person. I just want to make you the best you that you can be.”
“Will it