Moll Flanders. Даниэль ДефоЧитать онлайн книгу.
of his sincerity, and of his affection to me; and that he would never abandon me, and, as I may say, made a thousand more preambles than he need to have done.
However, as he pressed me to speak, I told him I had no reason to question the sincerity of his love to me, after so many protestations, but— and there I stopped, as if I left him to guess the rest.
“But what, my dear,” says he, “I guess what you mean, what if you should be with child, is not that it? Why then,” says he, “I’ll take care of you, and provide for you, and the child, too, and that you may see I am not in jest,” says he, “here’s an earnest for you”— and with that he pulls out a silk purse with an hundred guineas in it, and gave it me— “and I’ll give you such another,” says he, “every year till I marry you.”
My colour came and went at the sight of the purse, and with the fire of his proposal together, so that I could not say a word, and he easily perceived it; so putting the purse into my bosom, I made no more resistance to him, but let him do just what he pleased, and as often as he pleased; and thus I finished my own destruction at once, for from this day, being forsaken of my virtue, and my modesty, I had nothing of value left to recommend me, either to God’s blessing, or man’s assistance.
But things did not end here, I went back to the town, did the business he directed me to, and was at home before anybody thought me long; as for my gentleman, he stayed out till late at night, and there was not the least suspicion in the family, either on his account or on mine.
We had after this, frequent opportunities to repeat our crime, and especially at home when his mother and the young ladies went abroad a-visiting, which he watched so narrowly, as never to miss; knowing always beforehand when they went out, and then failed not to catch me all alone, and securely enough; so that we took our fill of our wicked pleasures for near half a year; and yet, which was the most to my satisfaction, I was not with child.
But before this half year was expired, his younger brother, of whom I have made some mention in the beginning of the story, falls to work with me; and he finding me alone in the garden one evening, begins a story of the same kind to me, made good honest professions of being in love with me; and, in short, proposes fairly and honourably to marry me.
I was now confounded, and driven to such an extremity, as the like was never known to me; I resisted the proposal with obstinacy, and began to arm myself with arguments: I laid before him the inequality of the match, the treatment I should meet with in the family, the ingratitude it would be to his good father and mother, who had taken me into their house upon such generous principles, and when I was in such a low condition; and, in short, I said everything to dissuade him that I could imagine except telling him the truth, which would indeed have put an end to it all, but that I durst not think of mentioning.
But here happened a circumstance that I did not expect indeed, which put me to my shifts; for this young gentleman, as he was plain and honest, so he pretended to nothing but what was so too; and knowing his own innocence, he was not so careful to make his having a kindness for Mrs. Betty a secret in the house, as his brother was; and though he did not let them know that he had talked to me about it, yet he said enough to let his sisters perceive he loved me, and his mother saw it too, which though they took no notice of to me, yet they did to him, and immediately I found their carriage to me altered more than ever before.
I saw the cloud, though I did not foresee the storm; it was easy, I say, to see their carriage was altered, and that it grew worse and worse every day, until at last I got information that I should in a very little while be desired to remove.
I was not alarmed at the news, having a full satisfaction that I should be provided for; and especially considering that I had reason every day to expect I should be with child, and that then I should be obliged to remove without any pretences for it.
After some time, the younger gentleman took an opportunity to tell me, that the kindness he had for me had got vent in the family; he did not charge me with it, he said, for he knew well enough which way it came out; he told me his way of talking had been the occasion of it, for that he did not make his respect for me so much a secret as he might have done, and the reason was, that he was at a point that if I would consent to have him, he would tell them all openly that he loved me, and that he intended to marry me: that it was true, his father and mother might resent it, and be unkind, but he was now in a way to live, being bred to the law, and he did not fear maintaining me, and that in short, as he believed I would not be ashamed of him, so he was resolved not to be ashamed of me, and that he scorned to be afraid to own me now, who he resolved to own after I was his wife, and therefore I had nothing to do but to give him my hand, and he would answer for all the rest.
I was now in a dreadful condition indeed, and now I repented heartily my easiness with the eldest brother, not from any reflection of conscience, for I was a stranger to those things, but I could not think of being a whore to one brother, and a wife to the other; it came also into my thoughts, that the first brother had promised to make me his wife when he came to his estate; but I presently remembered, what I had often thought of, that he had never spoken a word of having me for a wife, after he had conquered me for a mistress; and indeed till now, though I said I thought of it often, yet it gave no disturbance at all, for as he did not seem in the least to lessen his affection to me, so neither did he lessen his bounty, though he had the discretion himself to desire me not to lay out a penny in clothes, or to make the least show extraordinary, because it would necessarily give jealousy in the family, since everybody knew I could come at such things no manner of ordinary way, but by some private friendship, which they would presently have suspected.
I was now in a great strait, and knew not what to do; the main difficulty was this, the younger brother not only laid close siege to me, but suffered it to be seen; he would come into his sister’s room, and his mother’s room, and sit down, and talk a thousand kind things to me, even before their faces; so that the whole house talked of it, and his mother reproved him for it, and their carriage to me appeared quite altered; in short, his mother had let fall some speeches, as if she intended to put me out of the family, that is in English, to turn me out of doors. Now, I was sure this could not be a secret to his brother, only that he might think, as indeed nobody else yet did, that the youngest brother had made any proposal to me about it; but as I easily could see that it would go farther, so I saw likewise there was an absolute necessity to speak of it to him, or that he would speak of it to me, but knew not whether I should break it to him, or let it alone till he should break it to me.
Upon serious consideration, for indeed now I began to consider things very seriously, and never till now, I resolved to tell him of it first, and it was not long before I had an opportunity, for the very next day his brother went to London upon some business, and the family being out a-visiting, just as it happened before, and as indeed was often the case, he came according to his custom to spend an hour or two with Mrs. Betty.
When he had sat down awhile, he easily perceived there was an alteration in my countenance, that I was not so free and pleasant with him as I used to be, and particularly, that I had been a crying; he was not long before he took notice of it, and asked me in very kind terms what was the matter, and if anything troubled me: I would have put it off if I could, but it was not to be concealed; so after suffering many importunities to draw that out of me which I longed as much as possible to disclose, I told him that it was true, something did trouble me, and something of such a nature that I could hardly conceal from him, and yet that I could not tell how to tell him of it neither; that it was a thing that not only surprised me, but greatly perplexed me, and that I knew not what course to take, unless he would direct me. He told me with great tenderness, that let it be what it would, I should not let it trouble me, for he would protect me from all the world.
I then began at a distance, and told him I was afraid the ladies had got some secret information of our correspondence; for that it was easy to see that their conduct was very much changed towards me, and that now it was come to pass, that they frequently found fault with me, and sometimes fell quite out with me, though I never gave them the least occasion: that whereas I used always to lie with the eldest sister, I was lately put to lie by myself, or with one of the maids; and that I had overheard them several times talking very unkindly about me; but that which confirmed it all was, that