Heart of Texas Volume 3: Nell's Cowboy. Debbie MacomberЧитать онлайн книгу.
well they moved together, how gracefully.
“Don’t look so shocked,” he said with a laugh. “Big men aren’t all klutzes.”
“The same applies to big women.”
“You’re not big,” he countered. “In fact, I’d say you’re just about perfect.” He brushed a stray lock of hair from her forehead, and his fingertips lingered a moment longer than necessary.
Nell didn’t know what madness possessed her, but she closed her eyes and allowed herself to indulge in a fantasy. She didn’t pretend that the man holding her was her dead husband. That would have been too painful. Instead, she fantasized that she was a different kind of woman, willowy and lithe, petite and beautiful. Like the young Audrey Hepburn of Sabrina, a movie Nell had loved all her life.
It was the night for such dreams.
The dance ended almost as soon as it had begun. Too soon. Nevertheless, she didn’t dare to continue. Didn’t dare to indulge in any more fantasies.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “I’ve never enjoyed a dance more.”
“Me, neither,” Travis said, his voice low and sounding vaguely unlike him.
Of one accord they turned and walked across the grounds, toward the parking area.
“Nell.” He stopped her in the shadow of the grandstand.
“Yes?”
“Don’t be angry.”
“Angry? Whatever for?”
“For this,” he whispered. He turned her around to face him, then lowered his mouth to hers.
Four
His kiss left Nell feeling lightheaded, as if she’d been out in the sun too long. His lips lingered on hers, his arms firm about her waist. He would have kissed her a second time, she sensed, if she hadn’t moved her head just then. She needed a moment to compose herself, to gain perspective and deal with what had happened—what she’d allowed to happen. At any point she could have stopped him...and hadn’t.
“I...wish you hadn’t done that.” Her voice trembled, shaky with shock and wonder. What astounded her as much as his kiss was how much she’d enjoyed it.
“Are you looking for an apology?”
His voice was close to her ear and she realized that he still held her.
“I could give you one if you wanted,” he went on, “but it wouldn’t be sincere.”
She smiled at his words and eased away from him. There was definitely something in the air tonight that had caused her to behave so completely out of character.
“It’s because of today,” she said aloud. “The whole day.” One of the best days she’d had in three years of grief and struggle.
“The day?” Travis repeated, walking at her side as they continued toward the parking lot.
She glanced at him, surprised she’d spoken aloud. Since she had, she couldn’t very well leave him in the dark. That would be rude and unnecessary. If he was to continue paying for room and board, then she had best set boundaries between them now. Kissing was definitely out of bounds.
“Naturally I’m flattered that you’d want to kiss me.”
“I’d like to do it again, if you’re not opposed.”
She shook her head. “I’d rather you didn’t.”
He was quiet after that, but not for long. “What did you mean when you said it was because of today?”
She exhaled slowly. “Winning the chili cook-off. The kids having such a wonderful time. Willie Nelson showing up like that. Dancing in the moonlight... I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t thinking—otherwise that kiss would never have happened.”
“How weren’t you yourself?” he prodded.
Nell was much too tired to endure an inquisition. “I just wasn’t.”
“How?” he pressed.
“I was happy, excited...”
He couldn’t seem to leave it at that. “You aren’t normally?”
“No,” she returned shortly. “Not for the last three years.”
A silence followed her words. Nell heard his sigh.
“You must have loved him very much.”
She didn’t hesitate. “More than life itself. In many ways I died with my husband. Nothing will ever be the same again.”
They paused in front of her battered pickup. The Dodge was well past its prime. It’d been ready for the scrap heap when Jake was alive, but Nell had coaxed three more years from it; she prayed the truck would last another year.
“I disagree,” he said.
His words cut into her thoughts. She raised questioning eyes to him. “What do you mean?”
“You loved Jake, and it’s obvious you two shared something very special. But you didn’t die with him. The woman I kissed is alive and healthy. She’s vital and lovely and passionate.” He raised his hand as if to touch her face, but changed his mind and slowly lowered it. “I felt your heart pound against mine. The woman I kissed is alive, Nell. She has a lot to live for.”
“I—”
“You might prefer to think of yourself as dead, but you aren’t.”
His words surprised her more than his kiss. She didn’t know how to respond, how to react. Ruth had been saying the same thing to her, but in different words. All this time she’d resisted, afraid she’d lose even more of Jake than she already had. This was dangerous stuff, too dangerous to think about right now. She’d leave it for another time.
“You haven’t dated since Jake died?” Travis asked.
She shook her head.
“What’s the matter with the men in this town?” he asked in a way that suggested they were idiots.
“Grady Weston asked me to the big summer dance last year.”
“And?”
“And I turned him down. Glen Patterson, too.”
“Nell, no.” He planted his hands squarely on her shoulders. “Wake up. Look around you. Breathe in the cool night air and let it fill your lungs. Let yourself feel.”
He spoke with such intensity all she could do was stare at him.
“You don’t believe anything I’ve said, do you? I can see it in your eyes.”
Instantly she lowered her gaze. “I’ll never have with anyone else the kind of love I had with Jake.”
“Of course you won’t,” he said.
The man said and did the most shocking things.
“Jake was Jake,” he continued. “Any relationship you might have with another man will be different from your marriage to Jake because that man will be different from Jake.” He paused. “The problem, Nell, is that you haven’t seen it this way. The way you see it, any other man is destined to fall short because he can never be a replacement for the original.”
She had to admit Travis made sense. It was exactly what Ruth and Dovie and several others, Savannah included, had been trying to tell her. Either she hadn’t fully understood or she hadn’t been ready to listen.
It hit her then that Travis spoke as if he was familiar with this type of loss. “You lost your wife?” she asked him.
Now it was Travis who looked away. “In a manner of speaking.”
“What