Maybe This Christmas. Sarah MorganЧитать онлайн книгу.
in a strangled tone, “it’s like a massive avalanche of awkward! You’re thinking this is your worst nightmare.”
“I’m not thinking that.” He gripped the door handle. “I’m thinking I’m messing it up. I’m saying the wrong things and making you feel uncomfortable, which is not my intention.”
She peeped at him through her hair. “You’re wishing I’d never come to live here.”
He’d thought they’d got past that. The insecurity. Those creeping, confidence-eroding doubts that had eaten away at her happiness. “I’m not wishing that.”
“Mom told me she wished I’d never been born.”
Tyler zipped up his jacket viciously, almost removing a finger in the process. “She didn’t mean that.” He dragged open the door, grateful for the blast of freezing air to cool his temper.
“Yes, she did.” Jess mumbled the words. “She told me I was the worst thing that ever happened to her.”
“Well, I’ve never thought that. Not once. Not even when my socks are wet because you’ve let the dogs drag snow into the house.”
“You didn’t sign up for any of this.” Her voice faltered, and the uncertainty in her eyes made him want to punch a hole through something.
“I tried to. I asked your mom to marry me.”
“I know. She said no because she thought you’d be a useless father. I heard her telling my stepdad. She said you were irresponsible.”
Tyler felt the emotion rush at him. “Yeah, well, that may be true, but it doesn’t change the fact I wanted you, Jess, right from the start. And when your mother wouldn’t agree to marry me, I tried other ways of having you live here with us. Why the hell are we talking about this now?”
“Because it’s the truth. I was a mistake.” Jess gave a tiny shrug as if it didn’t matter, and because he knew how much it mattered, he hesitated, knowing that the way he responded was vitally important to the way she felt about this whole situation.
“We didn’t exactly plan to have you, that’s true. I’m not going to lie about that, but you can’t plan every single thing that happens in life. People think they can. They think they can control things and then whoosh—something happens that proves you’re not as in control as you think. And sometimes it’s the things you don’t plan that turn out best.”
“I wasn’t one of those things. Mom told me I was the biggest mistake of her life.”
His hands clenched into fists and he had to force himself to stay calm. “She was probably upset or tired.”
“It was the time I snowboarded down the stairs.”
Tyler managed a smile. “Right, well, there you go. That’s why.” He dragged her against him and hugged her, feeling her skinny body and the familiar scent of her hair. His daughter. His child. “You’re the best thing that happened to me. You’re an O’Neil all the way, and sometimes that drives your mom a little crazy, that’s all. She doesn’t have that much love for us O’Neils. But she loves you. I know she does.” He didn’t know that, but he reined in his natural urge to speak the truth.
“Her family isn’t close like ours, and that makes her jealous.” Her voice was muffled against his chest, and he felt her arms tighten around him.
“You may skip classes, but you’re not stupid.”
Jess pulled away, her cheeks streaked pink. “Is that why you don’t want to ever get married? Because of what happened with Mom?”
How was he supposed to answer that?
He’d learned that with Jess, the questions came with no warning. She bottled stuff up and held it inside until she burst with trying to contain it.
“Some people aren’t the marrying type, and I’m one of those.”
“Why?”
Tyler decided he’d rather ski a vertical slope in the dark with his eyes closed than have this conversation. “All people are good at some things and bad at others. I’m bad at relationships. I don’t make women happy.” Just ask your mother. “Women who care about me often end up being hurt.”
“So you’re never going to get involved with anyone again? Dad, that’s really dumb.”
“You’re telling me I’m dumb? What happened to respect?”
“All I’m saying is it’s okay to make mistakes when you’re young. Everyone messes up sometimes. It shouldn’t stop you trying again when you’re older.”
“Jess—”
“Maybe you’ll be better at it now you’ve got me. If you want to know how the female mind works, you can ask,” she said generously, and Tyler opened his mouth and closed it again.
“Thanks, sweetheart. I appreciate that.” Deciding that the conversation was getting more awkward, not less, he dug out his car keys. “Now get in the car before both of us freeze in the doorway. We need to get to the store before it closes.”
“It would have been easier for you if I’d been a boy. Then we wouldn’t have to have embarrassing conversations.”
“Don’t you believe it. Teenage boys are the worst. I know. I was one. And I’m not embarrassed.” Tyler’s tongue felt thick in his mouth. “Why would I be embarrassed by something that’s a normal part of growing up? If there’s anything you want to ask—” please, God, don’t let there be anything she wanted to ask “—you come straight out and say it.”
She tugged on her boots. “I’m good. But I need to get to the store.”
He grabbed her coat and thrust it at her. “Wrap up. It’s freezing out there.”
“Can Ash and Luna come?”
“On a trip to the store?” He was about to ask why he would want to take two hyperactive dogs on a trip to the village, but then saw her hopeful expression and decided the dogs might be the best cure for awkward. And hopefully, they’d take her mind off her mom and the complexity of human relationships. “Sure. Great idea. Nothing I love more than two panting animals while I’m driving. But you’ll have to keep them under control.”
Jess whistled for Ash and Luna, who came bounding out, ecstatic at the promise of a trip.
Tyler drove out of Snow Crystal, slowing down for the guests who were returning from a day on the slopes.
The resort was half-empty, but it was still early in the season, and he knew visitor numbers would double once the Christmas break arrived.
And across the Atlantic in Europe, the Alpine Ski World Cup was underway.
He tightened his grip on the wheel, grateful that Jess was chattering away. Grateful for the distraction.
“Uncle Jackson told me the snowmaking is going really well. Loads of runs are open. Do you think we might have a big fall of snow? Uncle Sean is here.” She talked nonstop as she stroked Luna. “I saw his car earlier. Gramps said he was here for the meeting, but I don’t get why. He’s a surgeon. He doesn’t get involved in running the business. Or is he going to be here to fix broken legs?”
“Uncle Sean is working up a preconditioning program with Christy at the spa. They’re trying to reduce skiing injuries. It was Brenna’s idea.” Tyler slowed as they reached the main highway and turned toward the village. The snow was falling steadily, coating the windshield and the road ahead.
“How come Brenna is the one in charge of the outdoor program when you’re the one with the gold medal?”
“Because Uncle Jackson had already given her the job before I came home, and because I hate organization almost as much as I hate shopping and cooking. I’m only interested in the skiing part. And