Surrender To The Marquess. Louise AllenЧитать онлайн книгу.
‘Was a moment that will not be repeated? Of course it will not. I told you I was curious, not that I expected an affaire and, besides, you do not want a woman with whom you are having an irregular relationship anywhere near your sister, do you?’
His cool silence said it all. Where had all that tingling warmth gone to? Sara took back her hand, gathered up her skirts and moved towards a side door. ‘I will go to the ladies’ retiring room, it would be more discreet if we do not return together.’
And so much for your assumption that you were sophisticated enough to deal with any gentleman who crossed your path, she scolded herself. No wonder he had become cool. She had sent messages that she was available and then backed away. He must think she was an outrageous flirt or a horrid tease and either possibility made her feel hot with an embarrassment she hadn’t felt for years.
The room set aside for ladies to repair their complexions and hair, and to have drooping hems and split seams attended to, was mercifully empty, except for the maid on duty. She stood up when Sara entered, bobbed a curtsy and then waited in the background while she sat at a dressing table and made a pretence of fussing with her hair.
What did you expect? she scolded herself. Sinking with embarrassment was not going to help matters, she needed to understand herself. She had wanted a moment of madness, the touch of a man’s mouth on hers, the affirmation that she was not rushing towards a sexless middle age, she supposed, and Lucian had assumed she expected more, probably a full-blown affair, she guessed.
Perhaps that is what I really want. She hadn’t expected to miss sex. It had been lovely with Michael, of course. She had loved him and he had been tender and careful. Perhaps, thinking about it in retrospect, a little too respectful. All the whispers, the gossip from other women, portrayed sex as exciting, thrilling, sublime. Her experience had been that it was pleasant, and occasionally exciting, and the intimacy and trust had certainly brought her and Michael closer together. But sublime and thrilling? That kiss just now had been thrilling, it had made her toes curl, but perhaps that was simply because it was not a married kiss but a shocking one.
The Marquess of Cannock was a physically attractive man who apparently found her attractive, too, which was, in itself, arousing. But he was precisely the kind of man she had avoided marrying, the sort who wanted to smother all his womenfolk under the all-enveloping cloak of his honour, to control them, however benevolently. Daydreams and frankly erotic night-time dreams were no reason to risk entangling herself with a man she would have no intention of marrying.
Sara frowned at her own face in the mirror. It had taken long enough to recover from Michael’s death, she would be insane to risk her still-tender emotions on a man so very different, so very...dangerous.
She gave herself a little mental shake. The fact that she was attracted to a man was an encouraging sign that she was returning to normal after her mourning—that was all. The really important person in all this was Marguerite and she could do nothing about the girl until tomorrow. Now she was going to go out into the ballroom to dance and enjoy herself and if Mr Dunton was making himself agreeable to all the ladies, then that would be excellent.
* * *
Lucian climbed the hill to Aphrodite’s Seashell next morning, prey to more uncertainty regarding a woman than he had experienced since he was eighteen. Lady Sara... Mrs Harcourt rather, as this was daylight and she seemed to change at nightfall like some magical creature, Sara was not indiscreet or mischievous or uncaring. However she felt about him after that kiss she would do nothing to harm his sister. But what had that been about? She was sexually experienced and yet she had treated it as no more than a moment’s diversion, not the invitation to a full-blown affaire that he had taken it for.
Was she actually that sensual, that beautiful, that free and yet that innocent? He reached the door, which had the blind drawn down and a sign reading Closed, and knocked.
When the door opened it was the redoubtable Mrs Farwell who stood there. She came right out into the street before ushering him in and Lucian realised she was demonstrating to anyone who happened to have seen him that Mrs Harcourt was very adequately chaperoned.
Lucian knew himself to be experienced, sophisticated even, in the relationships between men and women. It was strange and more than a little disconcerting to feel a faint apprehension about this meeting. Sara had kept him wrong-footed from the beginning, although if he was honest with himself, she had done nothing and he had fallen into one misapprehension after another about her identity, her likely morals, her availability. And he did not feel very comfortable about any of that, he realised as he waited inside the shop for Mrs Farwell to relock the door.
‘Lady Sara’s out on the balcony,’ Mrs Farwell announced with a wave of her hand towards a door in the back wall. ‘I’ll brew some tea. Expect you’d like some cake, most men do.’ Having reduced a marquess to the level of a small boy greedy for sweets, she stomped off through the curtained opening.
Lucian knocked on the door she had indicated and opened it to find himself apparently in mid-air over the sea. He covered the instinctive grab at the wall by closing the door and remembered that the hill that the street climbed was in fact a cliff, so the houses on this side of the road were built virtually to the edge. On either side the owners had cultivated tiny strips of clifftop garden but Sara’s shop, and a few other buildings, had balconies stretching along the width of their properties.
‘Good morning. You have no fear of heights, I see.’
Lady Sara was leaning on the elegant but terrifyingly spindly balcony railings facing out to sea. Lucian hitched one hip on the rail, leaned against an upright, and ignored the same unpleasant sensation low in his belly that he had experienced crossing Alpine passes on his Grand Tour. He itched to reach out and pull her back against the wall, away from danger.
‘Nor have you.’ She smiled as she turned her head and the heavy plait of hair slid over her shoulder to swing over the waves crashing below.
His stomach swooped in sympathy even as he admired the unconventional simplicity of her hairstyle. ‘Loathe them,’ Lucian confessed. ‘But it doesn’t do to give in to things.’
‘Does that work, or do you simply become good at dealing with the fear? I am afraid of snakes, which is a ridiculous thing in this country. In India there are a whole variety of lethal ones and it was quite rational to be wary of them. But here, my brother assures me, I would have to find an adder and then prod it with my finger to encourage it to bite me.’ He laughed at the image of Sara experimentally prodding an adder, but her smile faded. ‘I have never before come across a man who is actually prepared to admit that he is frightened of something.’
‘You see that as a sign of weakness?’
‘No, certainly not.’ She straightened up, very earnest now. ‘I think it admirably honest, though surprising.’
‘It depends what it is and to whom one is confessing. I wouldn’t admit a weakness, any weakness, to another man or to anyone who I suspect might want to do me harm: that would be a foolish thing to do, like showing a housebreaker where you keep your front door key. Besides, if it was something I was afraid of, but didn’t have the guts to confront, then I doubt very much that I’d own up to that, to you or anyone else.’ The fleeting look that she gave him expressed considerable doubt that he was keeping that kind of secret. Which was flattering.
‘A man challenging another to a duel, or accepting a challenge—he would be afraid, wouldn’t he?’ Sara asked, abruptly.
‘He’d be a fool not to be, just as a soldier going into battle must feel fear. The knack is not to show it, to harness it so that it sharpens you, not blunts you. Why do you ask about duels?’
‘Oh, no reason.’
She is lying, he thought, and waited.
‘Did you challenge the father of Marguerite’s child?’
Ah, so that was what this is about. ‘No, not yet,’ he admitted.
‘Not yet? You mean he refused your challenge?’