The By Request Collection. Kate HardyЧитать онлайн книгу.
by her suicide. His terrible grief and its aftermath. How spectacularly he had let his mother down and the devastating consequences.
Discomfort rippled in his gut, along with a healthy dose of denial, and he felt his lips curl with distaste. Not happening. If there was one thing his past had taught him it was the need to control emotion—all the release of it could achieve was pain. If he had only retained control after Tanya’s death then he wouldn’t have walked the road that had led to his mother handing him over to social services. To confide in Ruby would open up an emotional vortex and that was not going to happen.
So... ‘I’ll bear it in mind,’ he said as he pushed her plate towards her. ‘So what now?’
Ruby picked up the almond croissant. ‘I’d like to eat this, and then—if it’s okay with you—I’d still like to sledge.’
‘Then that’s the plan.’
* * *
It truly felt as if a bulk had been hefted from her very soul. The sadness was still there, but more manageable. As they exited the café the snow seemed even brighter, and now the sight of children filled her with a sense of hope and determination. Because one day she would adopt, and she vowed that she would take her children sledging.
A sideways glance at Ethan filled her with relief—his blue-grey eyes rested on her with warmth, but not a hint of pity, and she honoured him for that. For his innate realisation that pity would be anathema to her.
There was a bond between them now—she could see it shimmer in the air between them. They had both pulled themselves from the gutter and survived events that had had the potential to destroy. That was worthy of admiration—not pity. But she knew she felt more than admiration, and she needed to be careful. Because right now that gooey warmth had multiplied, and instead of being mortified at having wept all over him she felt energised...awash with dangerous feelings of intimacy. An intimacy he would abhor.
Sure, he had just proved himself capable of emotional understanding, but his withdrawal at the thought of sharing his own past had been crystal-clear.
She had to rein it in. Her goals and Ethan’s goals were as far apart as it was possible to be. Ethan wanted to sit in his un-rocked boat on his own—he wanted a life alone—and she wanted as many children as she could manage. So her best hope was that she and Ethan could become friends.
Yet right now she wanted more...couldn’t help herself. The tug of attraction, the tug of emotion, the tug towards him in general asserted a magnetism she somehow had to control. Because there couldn’t be anything else, and she couldn’t let herself fall headlong for yet another unsuitable man. Another man who would not or could not change his lifestyle for her.
Instead it would be better to focus on what she could share with Ethan—like this wonderful Christmas Day he had given her. Maybe she needed to focus on a headlong ride on a sledge... A peek down the slope and she felt a surge of anticipation.
‘Take it away, maestro,’ she said.
His smile was the genuine article—it lit his grey-blue eyes and her tummy clenched in response.
‘As you wish,’ he said, and he turned, dropped down onto the disc sledge and launched himself down the slope. Tore down the slope, swerved and manoeuvred, flew over the snow.
Once at the bottom he looked up and gave her the thumbs-up sign before beginning his ascent. She watched him climb back up, legs strong and body lithe. What was it about him that made him stand out? Maybe his aura—one that meant she would be able to spot him anywhere in the world.
‘There—see. Easy.’
Ruby looked down at the toboggan doubtfully. ‘I’m still not convinced I won’t fall off.’
‘It’s all about balance.’
‘Very Zen...’
His chuckle caught on the crisp breeze, and unlocked something inside her. The sight of his smile and the tang of snow made her breath catch, made her heart hop, skip and jump. and she felt her lips tilt into a grin.
‘Zen or not, you are going down that slope, Ruby. We’ll go together. This is one childish dream that you will fulfil. Come on. Sit. I’ll fit in behind you.’
Huh?
She squatted, placed the plastic toboggan on the snow and wriggled on, intensely aware of him as he lowered himself behind her. This was daft—they were both in Eskimo-level layers of clothing on a populated slope—not sunbathing on an isolated beach in bikini and trunks.
Ethan placed one arm round her waist and she swallowed her small gasp. His touch defied physics, felt electric through all the layers.
‘So all you have to do to steer is use this stick on the side, or your hands or feet.’
Was it her imagination or was his voice deeper than normal—the sort of deep that made her think of dark chocolate with a hint of ginger and spicy mulled wine? Panic mixed with a tummy-tingle of need.
Do something, Ruby.
‘Let’s go!’
They took off, skimmed over the snow. Exhilaration heated her veins as she let go, with no time to think or analyse or worry. She existed in the second, fuelled by adrenalin and sheer excitement as the world flew by until they reached the base and glided to a stop.
Pure elation frothed inside her as she shifted to look up at Ethan. ‘That was incredible. Like an out-of-body experience.’
Ruby stared at him. He looked...utterly gorgeous. And in this mood of sheer instinct she knew with a blind, horrible clarity that she wanted him to kiss her. That the tingles that coursed through her body were no longer due to her sledging experience. This attraction existed. No—it did more than that. Right now it burned...just like his gaze that was focused on her parted lips.
His pupils darkened; desire flared.
‘Ethan...?’
The question whispered across the snow-tinged air. Her heart pounded in her ribcage as her lips parted and she twisted round, propelled by an instinct older than time, her body no longer at home to the voice of reason.
ETHAN COULDN’T TEAR his gaze from her—she was so incredibly beautiful. Her cheeks flushed from the cold, her entire face animated by desire. And, heaven help him, he couldn’t help himself—couldn’t stop himself.
Leaning forward, he covered her lush lips with his own as precipitous need overcame all capacity for thought. It felt so right. He could taste Ruby—the tang of almond with a hint of chocolate. Her lips, cold at first, heated up and she gave a small mewl. The sound triggered a further yearning for more and he pushed his fingers under the hood of her parka, tangled his fingers in the silk of her hair. Her lips parted and her tongue touched his in a tentative flick. And he was lost in a desire to block out the world and kiss her until...
Until what?
The knowledge that the universe could not be ignored was one he carried with him every second of the day; there were always consequences. Problem was at this instant he couldn’t care less—which was dangerous beyond belief. He mustn’t let her close. For both their sakes. Ruby wanted a family and she deserved to have that—she might believe now that she wanted single parenthood, but he hoped that one day she would find love with a man who could give her everything she deserved. Ethan was not that man—and he would not mess with her head.
With a supreme effort of will he pulled back and for a long second they gazed at each other, puffs of breath mingling in the cold.
‘I...’ Her voice trailed off as she lifted her fingers to her lips again. As if they stung in sheer frustration.
Well he could empathise with that. All of him was