Regency Surrender: Passion And Rebellion. Louise AllenЧитать онлайн книгу.
mustn’t take against him because he corrected you at table, Francesca.’
‘I shall hate him if he sends you away. I’m going to tell Grandfather that I want you as my chaperon when he comes down at Christmas.’
‘We’ll think about that later,’ Sarah said, her throat tight with emotion. Francesca was becoming so special to her and the idea of being her chaperon appealed, but of course it was not possible. Sarah could not enter society as Miss Goodrum and, as Miss Hardcastle, she would not be acceptable to the girl’s guardians. ‘We have lots of time before then. I must teach you so many things—and the first is to think before you speak. Whatever we may discuss in private, and whatever your opinion of a situation or fact, it is sometimes better not to repeat it to others, especially in company.’
‘Oh, you do not need to tell me. I was so mortified I could have died.’ Francesca turned to her and hugged her. ‘You mustn’t be hurt, Sarah. If Rupert is mean to you, I’ll tell John to put something horrid in his bed.’
Sarah laughed. ‘Now that you must never do, dearest. Besides, it might result in the cane for John and you would not want that. Lord Myers takes his duty seriously and I think you must both respect his wishes.’
‘I was looking at those books you gave me. Is that what really happens? It looks awful. I can’t see why anyone would want to do anything like that...’
‘I think that feelings come into it,’ Sarah said with a smile, but then the door opened and she shook her head. ‘You might wish to go up now, dearest, and I shall follow.’
Francesca nodded. She approached Lord Myers and bobbed a curtsy. ‘Goodnight, sir. I am sorry if I offended you earlier.’
‘Good grief, child. I was not offended, but your reputation might suffer in company. I wanted you to be aware.’
‘Yes, Uncle Rupert. Sarah has explained that I may ask her anything in private, but not speak so openly in front of others.’
‘Good. Run along now. I wish to speak to Miss Goodrum.’
Francesca threw a speaking look at Sarah and went out.
‘Miss Goodrum—’ Lord Myers stood looking at her uncertainly. ‘Will you honour me with a game of chess this evening? You do play chess, I hope?’
‘Yes, my lord. My father taught me. I played often with him.’
‘I thought that might be the case. Will you oblige me?’
‘If you wish.’
‘I do wish. I also want to apologise for my display of bad manners earlier. I did not intend to squash the child—and I thank you for putting things right.’
‘It was a misunderstanding all round, my lord. I do not think it will happen again.’
‘I suppose I cannot prevail on you to call me Rupert in private?’
Sarah hesitated, then, ‘I hardly think it wise, sir. If I could add uncle I would do so, as the others do, but I cannot—and so I feel that it would not be right.’
‘Make it sir, then. I cannot stand to be my lorded all the time. I would even prefer Captain Myers, as I was known in my army days.’
‘Yes, sir. You were in the army?’ Sarah asked politely, as she set out the beautiful ivory-and-ebony chessboard with delicate carved figures. ‘I thought perhaps you might have been. My father always said it was easy to tell a military man by his bearing.’
‘Indeed? I think I should have liked to know your father, Sarah.’
‘Yes, you might. I think he might have liked you—he was very direct and to the point and honest.’
‘Like you, I imagine?’
‘I resemble my father in some ways. I cannot say all.’
Sarah was acutely aware of her lies. She was beginning to hate them and wished that she dare tell him the truth—explain why it had seemed such a good idea and why she wanted to stay here as Francesca’s governess. Yet he would not understand. He would revile her for lying and worst of all he would dismiss her and install a new governess in her place.
Even though she had made mistakes on her first day, Sarah felt that she was helping Francesca. She had gained the girl’s confidence and affection, too. It would hurt her if Sarah left—and she might become sullen, taking against Lord Myers and the new governess.
Sarah was doing no harm. She would be careful in future to temper every opinion she gave with the counter-argument and explain why Francesca must conform to what society expected even though she might disagree privately, but she could not desert her.
She dismissed her qualms and brought her mind to the game. Lord Myers showed his mettle by his first few moves, but she was with him.
* * *
Sarah had learned from a chess master and she was well able to keep up her end. By the end of an hour she had beaten him twice and been beaten herself once when an early move on his part had sealed her fate almost from the beginning.
At the end of the third game, she stood up.
‘I believe I should leave you now, sir. Goodnight.’
‘Goodnight, Sarah,’ he replied. He was on his feet, standing so close to her that she could scarcely breathe. Her heart was beating fast and she felt the heat start low in her abdomen and sweep through her. She was being drawn to him like a moth to a flame. In another moment she would be in his arms. He would kiss her and then...
She stepped back, breaking the fine thread that had bound them.
‘I should go.’
‘Perhaps you will let me try for revenge another evening.’
‘Yes, of course, if you wish.’
With that she walked to the door and went out. He made no move to stop her or call her back, though she thought she heard a muffled groan as she closed the door behind her.
* * *
Alone in her room, Sarah closed the door, locked it and then stood with her back against it. She felt weak and knew that she had escaped by a hairsbreadth from a fate that was described as worse than death—another few seconds and he would have seduced her. She would have allowed it. She had wanted it, longed for his kiss—and what came after.
It was those feelings she’d warned Francesca of—feelings that would lead to her downfall. Even as Miss Sarah Hardcastle she would not have expected a marriage proposal from Lord Myers, unless he needed a fortune, of course. Somehow she did not see him as lacking wealth or the determination to make it if he had none. He was not the kind of man to need a Cit’s daughter as a wife.
Sarah was well aware that as the daughter of a mill owner she would not be thought suitable to marry into the best families—unless of course they happened to be desperate.
Sarah was trembling as she undressed and dived beneath the sheets. The awful thing was that she suspected she would enjoy being seduced by Lord Myers—and that would be stupid.
‘Foolish, foolish, foolish!’
Yet the temptation to remain, to let him kiss her and do what he would on the rug before the fire had been strong. Why did he have this effect on her, something that no other man had before now?
She pounded her pillow. Before this, Sarah had resisted every advance, deflected every unwanted offer with ease—but something told her that if she stayed here she was in danger of succumbing to her wretched feelings. Even worse than being seduced was the fear that she might learn to care for him—and that must lead to terrible unhappiness.
‘No, I shall not. I refuse to care about him,’ she whispered and closed her eyes on the tears as they insisted on falling. ‘I am not so silly as to care for a man who merely wants to seduce me.’
In future she would have to be constantly