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CHAPTER FOURTEEN
AT FIVE O’CLOCK the next morning, Dylan gave up trying to get back to sleep. He had a shower, chugged down some coffee, and headed for Whitby.
He’d connected his phone to the car and switched it into hands-free mode, so he was able to call his second in command on his way up north to brief him on the most urgent stuff he had scheduled for the day. And, with that worry off his mind, it let him concentrate on Emmy.
As he drove over the Yorkshire moors the heather looked resplendently purple, and there was a huge rainbow in the sky. When he was small, his grandmother used to tell him there was a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Well, he didn’t want gold. He wanted something much more precious: he wanted Emmy and Tyler.
At last he could see the sea and the spooky gothic ruin of Whitby Abbey that loomed over the town. Almost there. He didn’t want to turn up empty-handed, so he stopped at a petrol station to refuel and buy flowers for both Emmy and her great-aunt. He managed to find a parking space near the house; when he rang the doorbell and waited, his heart was beating so hard that he was sure any passers-by could hear it. Finally, the door was opened by an elderly lady. ‘Yes?’
‘Would you be Emmy’s great-aunt Syb?’ he asked.
She looked wary. ‘Who wants to know?’
‘My name’s Dylan Harper,’ he said.
‘Ah. So you’re Dylan.’
Emmy had obviously talked to her great-aunt about him. And probably not in glowing terms, either. He took a deep breath. ‘Please, may I see her?’
‘I’m afraid she’s not here.’
His heart stopped for a moment. OK, so she’d probably guess that he’d lose patience with the situation and come to see her, but surely she hadn’t disappeared already? ‘Where is she?’ he asked.
‘Walking by the sea. I told her to leave Tyler with me—she needed some fresh air and time to think. It’s hard to think when you’re looking after a baby.’
‘Is he OK?’
‘He’s absolutely fine and he’s having a nap, so don’t worry. Just go and find her. She’ll be on the east foreshore.’ He must’ve looked as mystified as he felt, because Syb added, ‘Head for the Abbey, then instead of going up the steps just keep going forward until you get to the beach, then hug the cliffs and keep heading to the right. You’ll see her.’
‘Thank you.’ He thrust the flowers at her. ‘These are for you—well, one bunch is. The other’s for Emmy.’
‘Thank you, Dylan,’ Syb said gently.
A cheap bunch of flowers. How pathetic was he? And the only other thing he had to give Emmy was his heart. Which was incredibly scary. What if she rejected him? What if she was here because she was trying to work out how to tell him that it was a huge mistake and she didn’t want to be with him in that way? ‘I, um...’
‘Go and find her,’ Syb said. ‘Talk to her. Sort it out between you. I’m here for Tyler, so don’t rush. Take your time.’
As Dylan walked through the town he felt sick. What if she wouldn’t talk to him, wouldn’t listen to what he had to say? What if she didn’t want him?
There were a few families on the beach, and his stomach clenched as he saw them. That was exactly what he wanted—to be able to do simple things like building a sandcastle on the beach with Tyler, and playing with him and Emmy at the edge of the sea. Family things. A forever family.
Please let her listen to him.
There were a few people beachcombing on the foreshore; some had hammers and chisels, and Dylan assumed they were collecting fossils. Then he rounded a corner and saw her. She bent down to pick up something from the sand; probably some jet, he thought. Syb had sent Emmy out to do something to soothe her soul, and he already knew how much she loved the sea.
He quickened his pace and nearly slipped on the treacherous surface; he blew out a breath and picked his way more steadily over towards her.
She looked up as he reached her side. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I’ve come to see you. Talk to you.’ He took a deep breath. ‘Emmy, I’m good at business words and computer code and geek. I’m rubbish at the emotional stuff. I know I’m going to make a mess of this, but...’ His voice faded.
She nodded. ‘What did Nadine want? Was it about the paperwork?’
‘No. She’d seen the article.’
‘You said she wanted a baby. You have a baby, now.’ Her voice wobbled. ‘Is that what she wants?’
He knew with blinding clarity what she was really asking. Was that what he wanted, too? ‘I’m not going to lie to you, Emmy,’ he said softly. ‘She did suggest it. But I said no. Because that’s not what I want.’
She bit her lip. ‘You don’t want a child.’
He squirmed. There was no way out of this. He was going to have to bare his heart to her, even though he hated making himself that vulnerable. ‘Not with her. We’re not right for each other.’ He dragged in a breath. ‘I guess that’s something else you need to know. I didn’t want a child,’ he said slowly, ‘because of the way I grew up.’
She waited. And eventually the words flooded in to fill the silence.
‘I never knew who my dad was. My mum used to go off to “find herself” every time she broke up with whoever she was dating, and she always dumped me on the nearest relative. Usually my grandparents.’ He looked away. ‘My grandmother loved me and had time for me but my grandfather always made me feel I was a nuisance and a burden.’
She reached out and linked her fingers through his; it gave him the strength to go on, and he looked back at her.
‘I hated it. I hated feeling that I was always in the way. Then, as I grew older, I was scared that maybe I wouldn’t be able to bond with a child because my parental role models were—well, not what I would’ve chosen myself. I was scared that I wouldn’t be any good as a parent, and I never wanted a child to feel the way I did when I grew up, so I decided that I was never going to have children.’ He blew out a breath. ‘I suppose I married Nadine because I thought she was safe. Because I thought she wanted the same thing that I did, that her job was enough for her. But then she changed her mind about what she wanted and I just couldn’t change with her. I couldn’t give her what she wanted, because I was too selfish. Because I was a coward. Because I was scared I’d fail at it, and I walked away rather than trying to make it work.’
‘And yet you stepped up to the mark when Ty needed you,’ Emmy said softly.
‘I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. I still don’t,’ he confessed wryly.
‘Me, neither—but we’re muddling through, and Ty definitely feels loved and settled.’ She paused. ‘Is that why you didn’t like me? Because you thought I was flaky and selfish and just thought of myself, like your mum? Because my relationships never lasted and Ally always had to pick up the pieces?’
He bit his lip. ‘I was wrong about that. But—yes, I admit, I did.’
She sighed. ‘I don’t blame you. I probably would’ve thought the same, in your shoes.’ She paused. ‘Is that why you think I went away? To find myself?’
‘You said you needed space. Time to think.’ He paused. ‘I think my mum went away to find herself, because there wasn’t anyone to find her.’ He looked her straight in the eye. ‘But I came to find you, Emmy.’
She dragged in a breath. ‘I’d never dump Ty on anyone. The only reason he’s with Syb is because he’s asleep—and I have my mobile phone with me. She promised to call me the second he woke up, if I wasn’t