Underneath The Mistletoe Collection. Marguerite KayeЧитать онлайн книгу.
makes no difference to independence for a man, they carry on just as they please, regardless of the little woman waiting at home. It is only a wife who is shackled by matrimony.’
‘You sound so bitter, Felicity.’
‘Now, that is definitely a case of the pot calling the kettle black.’
Ainsley nodded. ‘Yes, but I have reason to be bitter. My marriage—you know what it was like.’
‘I know what it did to you, even though you refused to confide the particulars.’ Felicity’s smile was twisted. ‘And as you must have guessed, I know enough, from being the other woman, not to want to be the wife. But that is over now.’
‘You mean your—your...’
‘Affaire, why not call it what it was.’
‘Why did you not say?’
‘Because I’m ashamed, and because it has taken up quite enough of my life for me to wish to grant it any more,’ Felicity said bracingly. ‘I read Madame Hera’s latest batch of correspondence last night, by the light of a candle that threatened to blow out in the gale that was howling through my bedchamber.’
Ainsley and Mhairi had been forced to put all their visitors up in the west wing of the castle, which had latterly been the old laird’s quarters. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she said. ‘Were you freezing?’
‘I certainly don’t fancy being here in the winter. Though Madame’s correspondence heated me up,’ Felicity said with a saucy smile. ‘I assume that you and Mr Drummond have not been ships that passed each other every night.’
Ainsley flushed. ‘Well, I know now that palpitations are not necessarily the prelude to a fainting attack,’ she said. ‘The rest you can deduce from Madame Hera’s letters.’
‘Does he know that you’re writing them?’
‘Yes. And before you ask, you were right. I owe you five pounds. He thought it was fun.’ Ainsley’s laughter faded. ‘He made me realise that some of my advice has been— Well, frankly, not the best, Felicity. I don’t mean because I’ve been forced to modify my language to avoid offence—’
‘I did notice a tendency to use rather less euphemisms and rather more—shall we say colloquial terms, in those personal replies,’ Felicity interjected. ‘I take it those were Mr Drummond’s phrases?’
‘Do you think they are too much?’
‘I think they make it impossible for the recipients to misunderstand. We shall see. I have found in this business that while people rarely praise, they are very quick to let you know when they’re not happy. But I interrupted you. You were saying, about your advice...’
Ainsley finished combing her hair and began to pin it up in what she hoped would be a wind-resistant knot. ‘Looking back over my replies since Madame Hera came into being, I realised my advice has often been—defensive? No, sometimes rather combative. I assumed, you see, that the women who write are in need of— That they need to stand up for themselves. Madame Hera is very belligerent. She sees marriage as a battlefield.’
‘In many cases she’s right.’
‘Yes.’ Ainsley turned away from the mirror to face her friend, her hair half-pinned. ‘Madame Hera was born of war. She ought to have been called Madame Mars, or whatever the female equivalent is.’
‘Athena. No, she is Greek.’ Felicity shook her head impatiently. ‘It doesn’t matter. Go on.’
‘I’ve been thinking about John a lot these past few weeks. I blamed him for everything. I hated him, in the end, for what he did to me, for the constant undermining and the—the other things. I was furious about the debts, and about the mess he left me in. Much of it was his fault, of course. He was weak and he was a spendthrift and he was completely gullible when it came to moneymaking schemes, but I wonder how different things would have been if, instead of blaming him and shutting him out, and setting off on my own vengeful path, I had shown him a little understanding.’
‘None at all!’ Felicity said scornfully. ‘The man was a useless profligate and you are better off by far without him.’
‘Perhaps he would have been better off without me.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘When things started to go wrong, I didn’t try very hard to make them right. Oh, I challenged him about the money—but not really with the conviction I thought I had at the time. I think—this is awful—but I think I wanted him to be in the wrong, more than I wanted to make things right between us.’
‘Ainsley, he was in the wrong.’
‘Yes, but so, too, was I. I would do things differently if I got the chance again.’
‘But you are getting the chance again. Don’t tell me it doesn’t count because you’re not really married, Ainsley, you know what I mean. I hope you’re not letting Drummond walk all over you?’
‘Not exactly. I don’t think he deliberately excludes me, but he’s not in the habit of including anyone in his life. I told you, he is very attached to his independence.’
‘Blasted men,’ Felicity said feelingly. Looking down at the little gold watch she always wore on a fob on her gown, she clapped her hand over her mouth in dismay. ‘Ainsley, we’ve to be at the chapel for the start of proceedings in an hour and you haven’t even done your hair. Turn round. Let me.’ Jumping to her feet, she gathered up a handful of pins. ‘You could come back to Edinburgh with me after this, you know.’
‘Thank you, but no.’ Ainsley met her friend’s eyes in the mirror and smiled. ‘It’s good for me, being here at the moment. It’s helped me think.’
‘Don’t think too hard, else you’ll be turning that John McBrayne into a saint, and that he was not,’ Felicity said, pinning frantically.
‘No, but I had turned him into a devil, and he wasn’t that, either.’
‘Hmm.’ Felicity carried on pinning. ‘I’m sorry I can’t stay longer. You know how it is, being a female in a man’s world. If I’m not back, they’ll replace me.’
‘It’s fine. I know how important your job is to you. And to me. Madame Hera depends on you.’
‘Madame Hera is becoming so popular that she doesn’t need my support. There.’ Felicity threw down the remainder of the pins. ‘Let’s get you into your gown.’ She pulled the dress from its hanger and gave it a shake.
‘I’m getting nervous,’ Ainsley said as she stepped into it. ‘I haven’t thought about it until now. I’ve been too busy planning it, but it’s a big thing, Felicity. It’s really important for Innes that it goes well. I thought about asking Mhairi for a good luck spell, but asking her is probably bad luck. You’ve no idea how superstitious she can be.’
‘The housekeeper?’ Felicity was busy hooking the buttons on Ainsley’s gown. ‘Is she the witch?’
‘Her mother was.’
‘And she was the old laird’s mistress, too, you tell me. You should ask her for a potion. You know, just to make sure that there are no consequences from the palpitations your husband is giving you.’
Ainsley’s face fell. ‘I don’t think that will be necessary.’
‘Oh, Ainsley, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think.’
‘It doesn’t matter.’ Ainsley managed to smile. ‘Really. Are you done? May I look?’ Ainsley turned towards the mirror and shook out her skirts.
‘I do hope your Mr Drummond is making sure he takes appropriate measures.’ Felicity gave her a grave look. ‘You cannot take the risk.’
‘There is no risk, and even if there