Beyond the Velvet Rope. Tiffany AshleyЧитать онлайн книгу.
looked up at the ceiling, hurt settling onto his features. “Why are you leaving?”
She sighed. “You know why I’m leaving.”
Cam threw his hands up helplessly. “I thought after last night...” His voice trailed off.
Thandie looked away, too ashamed to meet his pleading eyes. She regretted her actions last night, regretted the way she’d fallen into his arms without a care to the world. Regretted the way she’d blindly disregarded the consequences. There would be plenty of time to feel humiliation over the public episode. Everyone would be talking. It might even be reported in a local gossip column.
But Thandie couldn’t be bothered with that right now. She was too guilt-ridden to consider anything except that she was hurting Cam again.
“I made a mistake,” she said.
“You made a mistake? That’s all?” he said with a humorless laugh. “I had a girlfriend, Thandie.”
“I—I can fix that,” she stammered. “I can try to explain to her—”
“Explain what?” he snapped. “Explain that in the blink of an eye, I chose you over her? Explain that I’ll always choose you over her?”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Yeah, well I’m sorry, too,” he snapped.
“I’m sorry, Cam. I truly am.”
“And your mother?” he asked quietly. “Does she know about us?”
“Don’t,” Thandie said sharply. “Don’t you dare bring her into this.” The mention of her mother caused Thandie’s eyes sting with sudden tears.
Cameron swore, all the fight gone out of him. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I’m just so...” he dragged a hand through his tousled hair, searching for the right word. Then he froze, a thought having occurred to him. He looked at Thandie with tired eyes. “You don’t love me anymore, do you?”
She’d been expecting this question, but was still unprepared with where the answer would leave them. “Of course, I love you,” she confessed. “Just not like that anymore.”
“But last night—”
“I’m sorry,” she said in a small voice. “Nothing has changed. Last night should have never happened.”
“Thandie, please don’t do this,” he groaned.
“Cam, we’ve been broken up for weeks. What did you expect? Did you think things would magically go back to the way they were?”
“Yes,” he said defiantly. “Yes, I did.”
“Oh, Cam,” she choked out. “I thought you understood—”
“Get out.”
Thandie’s head popped up. “What?”
“I said get out,” he repeated in a voice void of any emotion.
“Cam.” She took a step toward him, but he turned his back on her and abruptly walked out of the room. Thandie jumped when she heard the bathroom door slam shut.
She stared at the spot where Cam had stood. She hated hurting him. Cam deserved better. He deserved to be with someone who would mirror his bright, happy personality. It hadn’t been that way between them for a long time.
She called out to him again. When he did not respond, she debated going after him or simply leaving.
Her indecision caused agitation to bubble up inside her. She couldn’t stand for Cam to be upset with her, but she also did not want him to entertain any notions of them rekindling their relationship.
And then it happened. Thandie felt her breathing catch and then quicken to a pace she could barely control. Soon she was doing more gasping than breathing. Her hands began to shake frantically, and beads of sweats dampened her forehead. She was suddenly hot, so hot she was burning with it.
Oh, God, no, she thought. Not now. She reached out, steadying herself on the edge of the bed. Clenching her fingers tightly in the sheets, she struggled to slow her breathing before the panic completely overwhelmed her. Forcing herself to focus on an imaginary spot on the wall, she repeated her breathing exercises. Inhaling deeply through her nose and exhaling through her mouth. It was difficult to concentrate. She had to try three times before she found her rhythm. Once found, she concentrated on it with desperate determination. It took several painstaking minutes before her breathing returned to normal. When she felt the crippling hold of fear loosen slightly, she reacted with cat-like instincts.
Her still hands shaking, she quickly dressed and got the hell out of there. Twice she had to lean against the hallway wall to brace herself and catch her breath. She needed to sit down, but the urgency of putting distance between herself and Cam pushed her forward. No one knew she suffered from panic attacks. And she had no intention of broadcasting this fact; not even to Cam. Aside from being embarrassed by it, she knew it was a scary thing to witness.
Thandie had been plagued by panic attacks ever since she was a little girl. She had learned to control them as she got older. Her experienced episodes had become less frequent, and often occurred while she was alone. But every once in while, she was caught off guard by the sudden grip of anxiety. They were brought on by stress. It was an oddity that she would choose a high-pressure career. Strangely enough, Thandie never had an episode while at work. Her attacks were remarkably selective. They chose only to present themselves when she was dealing with personal issues.
It was just after dawn, and the sky was just beginning to brighten with flecks of sunlight. Taking a cab to her loft uptown would be ideal, but the streets were empty. Apparently, it was too early for taxi drivers to earn a living. Taking the bus was out of the question. She was dressed for a fashion show. She’d rather walk before facing the curious stares. But it was cold outside. Too cold for pride. And certainly too cold for a woman to walk around in six inch suede boots and a sequined miniskirt. Stares or no, she was not walking home.
The closest bus stop was around the corner from Cam’s building. Thandie hobbled in that direction, trying as much as possible not to attract any attention. It was a challenge, but she managed to do it without grimacing once.
As luck would have it, as soon as she reached the end of the block, she saw a lone taxi puttering down the dark street. Relief flooded through her as it drew nearer to the curb. Once tucked inside the backside of the taxi, she released a heavy sigh. The temperature in the cab was only marginally warmer than outside, but it was an improvement nonetheless.
Thandie clenched her hands together tightly, until the shaking subsided a little. It took a while before she realized her hands were not the only thing trembling. Reaching into her purse, Thandie pulled out her phone. It was Gage calling.
Suppressing a groan, she answered, “Hi Gage.”
Laughter greeted her. “How’s my favorite little porn star this morning?”
“That’s not funny,” Thandie said unamused.
“You know what else isn’t funny?” Gage asked in her crisp British accent. “Threatening every snitch at that party not to release your name to the press. I assure you the task lacks hilarity. I’ve had a full morning already and it isn’t even six o’clock yet.”
Thandie checked the time. “My goodness, Gage. Have you slept at all?”
“I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” she said with a dry laugh.
“Thanks, Gage. I owe you—”
“Trust me. You’ll never be able to repay my generosity on this one.”
Thandie cringed. “Was it that bad?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Gage scoffed. “You and Cam were seen doing the deed in public. Couldn’t you have had the decency to screw each other in Central Park, like a normal New Yorker? No, you aimed for