Special Forces Seduction. C.J. MillerЧитать онлайн книгу.
would be easy. If she crossed that line with him, at the end of the mission she was still alone and without a family of her own. That dream was far out of reach, but not lost to her.
Hyde was beyond the point where she could have sex with Finn for recreation and pretend it meant nothing. She couldn’t put her finger on the precise moment it had happened, but sleeping with him had become about more than sex. She cared for him and he couldn’t—wouldn’t—give her what she wanted.
She took her pajamas to the bathroom and dressed. He joined her after several minutes, changing and brushing his teeth at the sink across the bathroom. She was momentarily thrown by the simplicity. They weren’t a couple in their home getting ready for bed. They were operatives on a mission where people would die to achieve their goal and even more people would die if she and Finn failed. Hyde wouldn’t let herself get caught in a fantasy. They were working. This was not real life.
Hyde left the bathroom and tossed a bed pillow onto the settee.
“That’s where you’re sleeping?” Finn asked, turning off the light in the bathroom.
It was late, the end of a long day, and she didn’t want to have a lengthy conversation about it. “Yes.”
He sighed. “Get in the bed.”
“I’d rather have some space.”
“We slept in the same room in Montana,” he said.
“I know.” She had liked it. Too much. It had been too tempting to cross the limits she had set.
He put one hand on his hip and rubbed his forehead with the other. “When are you planning to tell me what’s going on with you? Why are you acting like this?”
“I’ve told you. I want a life with words that scare you. Words like husband and wedding and babies and mortgage.” No point in dancing around it and pretending she was okay with sex with no strings, at least not when it came to Finn.
Finn straightened. “Those words don’t scare me. They just aren’t in the cards for me.”
He sounded certain. Case closed. Not even a hint that in the future, the distant future, he may want those things. She lay on the settee and closed her eyes. She couldn’t have this conversation with him. The intense longing swallowing her to hear him say those words clarified that she needed more from him. She wanted him to say he would give her a life and home together, if not now, in time. That he was capable of being the man she needed.
“Did you see Ruby?” Finn asked. The worry in his voice prevented her from ignoring him.
A change in the subject and she let go of her foolish hope about Finn changing his mind. “I did. We shared a few glasses of wine. She was shaken, but okay. This wasn’t the first time Barnett lost his temper with her, and she seemed fine.”
Finn made a sound of disgust. “Until Barnett takes it to the next level and he gets violent with her.”
She’d had similar thoughts. “He is a wretched human being. I can’t imagine anything he does making up for how he humiliated Ruby or why she would forgive him and stay.”
Finn flopped on the bed. “If you change your mind, I’m here. I know you want to sleep next to me. I can feel it.”
Hyde shifted on the settee and stared at the ceiling. “If I get in bed with you, will you stop questioning me?”
“For now. But Hyde, I know there’s something going on and I want to understand. I want you to let me in.”
She looked over at him. He lifted the blanket and patted the bed.
She crossed the room, the floor cold under her feet. She slid under the covers with him. He didn’t reach for her and she didn’t move closer. Sharing the same bed was close enough. They had an invisible wall as a barrier and neither was ready to tear it down.
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