Men to Trust. Diana PalmerЧитать онлайн книгу.
couldn’t look him in the eye and refuse him.
“What are you offering me, Blake?” she asked quietly.
He scowled. “Are we bargaining for sex?”
She stared up at him, dumbfounded. “Is that all you want from me?”
He was confused. Usually logical and cool in his thinking, now he was like a young man on the brink of his first affair.
“I don’t want to get married, Violet,” he said gently. “You know that.”
She swallowed hard. “Yes. You’ve already said that. But I don’t want to be your mistress.”
His jaw tensed. “I don’t recall asking you to be.”
“What would you call it, then?” Violet asked sadly. “You want to sleep with me, with no ties, isn’t that the truth?”
He stuck his hands in his slacks pockets and let out a long sigh.
“My mother is old-fashioned,” she continued. “She raised me to think of sex as something that goes hand in hand with love and marriage. It would break her heart to have me settle for a purely physical liaison with any man, especially you.” She looked up at him miserably. “Jacobsville is a small town, Blake. Everybody would know.”
“I’m not a slave to public opinion,” he said harshly, feeling himself lose ground.
“Yes, but I am,” she replied. She stepped back, feeling a sudden coldness in his manner. It wasn’t what she’d expected when she came in here with him. She’d hoped that he might come to love her. They’d been so close at his house. Now they were like strangers.
He was furious. He was confused. This woman had caused him more inner turmoil than he’d known since the death of his fiancée, years before. He loved his freedom. But he hated the thought of losing Violet.
“Violet,” he began slowly, “I was engaged once. I loved her more than life. After I lost her, I didn’t want to go on living.” He frowned. “I…can’t go through that again.”
She looked up into his turbulent eyes. “Why would you have to? You don’t love me,” she said miserably. “You only want me.”
She turned and went to the door.
Before she could open it, his hand covered hers on the doorknob. “Wait.”
“I should never have returned here to work,” she said. “I’ll go back to Mr. Wright. You can get another temporary secretary to fill in until you replace me.”
“No!”
Tears blurred her blue eyes. She’d never been so miserable in her life. “Just let me go, please!”
He moved his hand. Seconds later, she was out the front door and gone. He stood alone in his office, feeling empty and cold. She wanted something he couldn’t give her. Why couldn’t women be like men, he wondered angrily, and just enjoy the present without asking for solemn vows of forever?
He went home in a snit and made supper for himself and the cats. They gave him odd looks, as if they sensed his inner turmoil.
He glared at them. “Don’t you start,” he muttered. Mee rubbed against his legs. Yow sat watching him with blue accusing eyes. “Great,” he muttered. “Now I’m talking to cats!”
He finished his meager supper and tried to get interested in a television program, but his body ached with thoughts of Violet in his arms. He wasn’t giving in, though. If she thought she’d get him in front of a minister by holding out physically, she was dead wrong.
He couldn’t forget their one time of intimacy, the beauty and joy of possessing her. It had been a perfect physical interlude.
Then he remembered something else he’d tried to forget. They’d had unprotected sex. What if Violet got pregnant?
He sat up straight, his eyes wide and stunned at just the thought. What would they do? He knew for a fact that Violet would never be able to go to a clinic. She’d insist on having the child. He had a horror of children. He’d never gotten over the fact that Shannon had been carrying his child when she died. It had warped his attitude toward pregnancy. He thought of children and he remembered how he felt when he knew his child had died with the woman he loved. It brought back nightmares of pain. Violet wouldn’t understand that. She wanted happily ever after. All he wanted was relief from the nagging physical hunger that was taking him over.
But if she was pregnant, he couldn’t desert her. Not only would it be unworthy of him as a man, it would reflect badly on his character in a town the size of Jacobsville. The gossip would ruin Violet’s reputation and the shame might well kill her mother, considering Mrs. Hardy’s fragile health.
He cursed under his breath. If he’d never invited Violet home with him, none of this would ever have happened. Why couldn’t he have just let her go and left it at that? He’d landed them in hell with his uncontrollable passion. He couldn’t blame that on Violet. All the same, he didn’t know what he was going to do.
But he couldn’t let her quit. Not until he knew about her condition. He picked up the phone and punched in her number.
Violet had managed to hide her misery from her mother. She knew that Blake wouldn’t mind if she quit again. It would probably be a relief to him. He wanted her and he couldn’t have her on his terms. Perhaps it would make things easier if she went back to work for Duke. She should pick up the phone and call him, right now…
The phone rang, making her jump. She picked it up without thinking.
“Hello?” she said.
“Don’t quit,” Blake said quietly.
Her heart jumped up into her throat. “Excuse me?” she stammered.
“Let’s take it one day at a time, Violet. All right?” he asked, and he actually sounded as if he was rethinking the future.
She felt reborn. Her spirit soared. She could hardly contain the happiness she felt. “All right,” she said on a soft laugh. “One day at a time!”
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