Degree of Risk. Lindsay McKennaЧитать онлайн книгу.
will only get better,” Ethan promised, moving his hand across her shoulder. A shoulder that handled so much responsibility when she was in the air. Sarah was strong and it had helped her open up and finally trust the woman’s side of herself. Humbled, Ethan lifted his head and looked at the digital clock on the dresser. Groaning, he muttered, “It’s almost noon.” They’d arrived at 0900.
“We were both tired,” Sarah said, inhaling his masculine scent, the hot sunlight and the pine-scented soap he’d used to shower with earlier.
“Hungry?”
She grinned. “Not anymore.” Sarah felt his chest rumble with laughter, watching his mouth carelessly curve. Ethan’s face was strong, darkly tanned, and the beard did nothing but give him that air of dangerousness. When he slid a look toward her, she pouted and said, “Well, maybe we had dessert first. I am kind of hungry, for a goddess...”
* * *
They made beef sandwiches at 1300 after finally deciding they’d better get out of bed and get some protein. Sarah found a jar of butter pickles, Ethan found some chips. They ate at the long, oval dining room table. The housekeeper did not appear and Sarah was glad she respected their need to be alone. The villa almost felt as if they owned it and they were sitting down to enjoy a lunch with one another. Ethan discovered some beer in the fridge and opened two bottles to go with their scavenger lunch.
He sat at the end of the table, his plate on an orange place mat. Sara sat to his right. He watched her nibble on the pickle, her lips so damned beautiful. He wanted her to nibble on him like that. It didn’t get any better than this.
“What are your future plans?” Ethan asked, picking up another pickle, watching her.
“Hmm, well—” Sarah eyed him warmly “—to marry you.”
“When?”
There was a seriousness in his eyes. “When we get rotated back to the States.”
“Sounds wise.” He held her gaze. “My parents were asking me in an email about a week ago if you would mind if we got married at their ranch in Texas.”
“That sounds wonderful. I love rural country.” And then Sarah shrugged, faraway pain in her voice. “I don’t have a family, Ethan. You’re marrying a stray.”
His heart clenched in his chest. Every so often, the past would come bleeding through her present like a stain and make him wince inwardly. He remained still, saying nothing for a moment. “You’re not a stray,” he said gently, reaching out and placing his finger beneath her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze. “My family will love you. I love you. You belong to me, Sarah. I belong to you. I don’t see any stray here, do you?” Ethan looked around him to prove the point after releasing her chin.
Her lips quirked as she finished off the last of her sandwich, famished. “You’re right. Sometimes...I get scared.”
“Of what?” God knew, Sarah had plenty to be frightened of. The ghosts from her past would have destroyed most people.
Sarah shrugged. “I’m afraid I’ll lose you, Ethan.” There, she’d finally admitted it. The terror of losing him was so huge for her, she couldn’t ignore it or hide from it.
Reaching out, Ethan grazed her cheek. “I’m not going to abandon you, Sarah. I’d never do that.” His voice lowered with emotion. “You’re the woman I want to wake up to every morning I draw a breath into my body. Your smile just makes my heart hammer with joy I’ve never felt before.”
His words seemed to drive out her fear, for now. “I’ve never been in love, Ethan. I never knew it could be like this. It’s like bright sunlight and I’m getting so used to it, love it so much, that I’m afraid something will come along and throw me back into that pitch darkness I lived in for so long.”
Ethan wiped off his hands with the linen napkin, pushed back his chair and stood up. “Come here,” he urged thickly, holding out his hand to her as he pulled the chair back for her.
He led Sarah over to the long L-shaped dark brown leather couch, sat her down with him and gathered her into his arms. She curled her legs beneath her, content to be held by him. “You’ve come such a long way alone, Sarah,” Ethan told her quietly, his lips against her hair. “And now that you’ve found me and I’ve found you, you’re afraid I’ll be taken or leave.”
Ethan pressed a kiss to her hair as she buried her face against his neck, her palm against his chest. “It’s okay to feel it. It’s normal. Hell, there isn’t a day goes by that I don’t feel fear of losing you. There’s so many ways it can happen.” Tears pricked the back of his eyes. Easing Sarah away, angling her so that he could look deeply into her eyes, he whispered, “You’re my soul mate. There will never be anyone else but you. And we’ve just got to have faith that we’ll make it through this deployment alive and well. We have so much to look forward to, Sarah. So much...”
Tears silently trailed down her cheeks. “I’ve just never felt like this Ethan. I feel like my heart is being gnawed away every time you go on patrol. I’m so damned scared, I’m ashamed of myself. I thought only teenage girls went through this kind of thing.”
Ethan laughed quietly and nudged some dark strands away from her temple. “Oh no, that’s reserved for everyone. It’s not age related—it’s love related. When you love someone, you automatically worry about them.” He caught her downcast look. “Okay?”
“I’m sorry for being such a whiner.”
He squeezed her. “You whine to me anytime you want. I like to hear what’s in your head and heart, Sarah. You never bore me. You never will. You’re smart, a fox, and you’re mine.”
Sarah still couldn’t shake the impending doom she felt. Maybe it was hormones. If she hadn’t been on the pill for the past nine years, she’d still have whipsaw periods that sent her into angry rages and nonstop irritability. Perhaps, it was nothing more than her period, which was always irregular in combat.
Still, it didn’t ease Sarah’s fear of losing Ethan. He was so alive, so male, so incredibly sensitive and tender toward her that she knew she’d die if he was ever lost to her. Sarah simply didn’t have the strength to survive his loss.
“Come on,” Ethan urged her softly, “let’s finish our beer and then I want to show you some family photos.” He leaned over, catching Sarah’s gaze. “My mother has been ragging on me ever since I told her I gave you an engagement ring. Rescue me, will you?”
“Okay,” Sarah said, feeling better. “I do want to meet your family. They sounded so nice from the way you described them to me.” And she realized she would, once more, have a real family. Ethan’s family. A nice family, like Hank and Mary had given her from age twelve to eighteen years old. Ethan released her and she missed his warmth, his quiet strength.
“Come on,” Ethan urged, holding out his hand to her. Sarah seemed disturbed about something and he wasn’t sure his words had addressed it or made her feel any better. He led her back to the table and pulled out the chair for her. These two days were going to cement their relationship and make it indestructible. And Ethan wanted to spend every minute of it with Sarah.
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