The Essential Works of P. G. Wodehouse. P. G. WodehouseЧитать онлайн книгу.

lady of, I should say, French origin.

“No, madam.”

The French lady uttered some exclamation in her native tongue.

“Is anything wrong, madam?” I inquired.

Miss Tomlinson in normal mood was, I should be disposed to imagine, a lady who would not readily confide her troubles to the ear of a gentleman’s gentleman. That she did so now was sufficient indication of the depth to which she was stirred.

“Yes, there is! Mademoiselle has just found several of the girls smoking cigarettes in the shrubbery. When questioned, they stated that Mr. Wooster had given them the horrid things.” She turned. “He must be in the garden somewhere or in the house. I think the man is out of his senses. Come, mademoiselle!”

It must have been about a minute later that the guv’nor poked his head out of the rug like a tortoise.

“Jeeves!”

“Sir?”

“Get a move on! Start her up! Get going and keep going!” I trod on the self-starter.

“It would perhaps be safest to drive carefully until we are out of the school grounds, sir,” I said. “I might run over one of the young ladies, sir.”

“Well, what’s the objection to that?”

“Or even Miss Tomlinson, sir.”

“Don’t!” said the guv’nor wistfully. “You make my mouth water!”

“Jeeves,” said the guv’nor when I brought him his whisky and syphon one night a week later, “this is dashed jolly.”

“Sir?”

“Jolly. Cozy and pleasant, you know. I mean, looking at the clock and wondering if you’re going to be late with the good old fluids and then you coming in with the tray always exactly on time, never a minute late, and shoving it down on the table and biffing off and the next night coming in and shoving it down and biffing off and the next night . . . I mean, gives you a sort of safe, restful feeling. Soothing! That’s the word. Soothing!”

“Yes, sir. Oh, by the way, sir . . . ”

“Well?”

“Have you succeeded in finding a suitable house yet, sir?”

“House? What do you mean, house?”

“I understood, sir, that it was your intention to give up the flat and take a house of sufficient size to enable you to have your sister, Mrs. Scholfield, and her three young ladies to live with you.”

The guv’nor shuddered strongly.

“You do get the damnedest silliest ideas sometimes, Jeeves,” he said.