The Complete Novels. D. H. LawrenceЧитать онлайн книгу.
up trying to place himself, and remained suspended in social isolation at the Hollies.
The friendship between Lettie and himself had been kept up, in spite of all things. Leslie was sometimes jealous, but he dared not show it openly, for fear of his wife’s scathing contempt. George went to Highclose perhaps once in a fortnight, perhaps not so often. Lettie never went to the Hollies, as Meg’s attitude was too antagonistic.
Meg complained very bitterly of her husband. He often made a beast of himself drinking, he thought more of himself than he ought, home was not good enough for him, he was selfish to the back-bone, he cared neither for her nor the children, only for himself.
I happened to be at home for Lettie’s thirty-first birthday. George was then thirty-five. Lettie had allowed her husband to forget her birthday. He was now very much immersed in politics, foreseeing a general election in the following year, and intending to contest the seat in Parliament. The division was an impregnable Liberal stronghold, but Leslie had hopes that he might capture the situation. Therefore he spent a great deal of time at the Conservative club, and among the men of influence in the southern division. Lettie encouraged him in these affairs. It relieved her of him. It was thus that she let him forget her birthday, while, for some unknown reason, she let the intelligence slip to George. He was invited to dinner, as I was at home.
George came at seven o’clock. There was a strange feeling of festivity in the house, although there were no evident signs. Lettie had dressed with some magnificence in a blackish purple gauze over soft satin of lighter tone, nearly the colour of double violets. She wore vivid green azurite ornaments on the fairness of her bosom, and her bright hair was bound by a band of the same colour. It was rather startling. She was conscious of her effect, and was very excited. Immediately George saw her his eyes wakened with a dark glow. She stood up as he entered, her hand stretched straight out to him, her body very erect, her eyes bright and rousing, like two blue pennants.
“Thank you so much,” she said softly, giving his hand a last pressure before she let it go. He could not answer, so he sat down, bowing his head, then looking up at her in suspense. He smiled at her.
Presently the children came in. They looked very quaint, like acolytes, in their long straight dressing-gowns of quilted blue silk. The boy, particularly, looked as if he were going to light the candles in some childish church in paradise. He was very tall and slender and fair, with a round fine head, and serene features. Both children looked remarkable, almost transparently clean: it is impossible to consider anything more fresh and fair. The girl was a merry, curly-headed puss of six. She played with her mother’s green jewels and prattled prettily, while the boy stood at his mother’s side, a slender and silent acolyte in his pale blue gown. I was impressed by his patience and his purity. When the girl had bounded away into George’s arms, the lad laid his hand timidly on Lettie’s knee and looked with a little wonder at her dress.
“How pretty those green stones are, Mother!” he said. “Yes,” replied Lettie brightly, lifting them and letting their strange pattern fall again on her bosom. “I like them.”
“Are you going to sing, Mother?” he asked.
“Perhaps. But why?” said Lettie, smiling.
“Because you generally sing when Mr Saxton comes.” He bent his head and stroked Lettie’s dress shyly.
“Do I?” she said, laughing. “Can you hear?”
“Just a little,” he replied. “Quite small, as if it were nearly lost in the dark.”
He was hesitating, shy as boys are. Lettie laid her hand on his head and stroked his smooth fair hair.
“Sing a song for us before we go, Mother —” he asked, almost shamefully. She kissed him.
She played without a copy of the music. He stood at her side, while Lucy, the little mouse, sat on her mother’s skirts, pressing Lettie’s silk slippers in turn upon the pedals. The mother and the boy sang their song.
“Gaily the troubadour touched his guitar As he was hastening from the war.”
The boy had a pure treble, clear as the flight of swallows in the morning. The light shone on his lips. Under the piano the girl child sat laughing, pressing her mother’s feet with all her strength, and laughing again. Lettie smiled as she sang.
At last they kissed us a gentle “good night”, and flitted out of the room. The girl popped her curly head round the door again. We saw the white cuff of the nurse’s wrist as she held the youngster’s arm.
“You’ll come and kiss us when we’re in bed, Mum?” asked the rogue. Her mother laughed and agreed.
Lucy was withdrawn for a moment; then we heard her, “Just a tick, nurse, just half a tick!”
The curly head appeared round the door again.
“And one teenie sweetie,” she suggested, “only one!”
“Go, you —!” Lettie clapped her hands in mock wrath. The child vanished, but immediately there appeared again round the door two blue laughing eyes and the snub tip of a nose.
“A nice one, Mum — not a jelly one!”
Lettie rose with a rustle to sweep upon her. The child vanished with a glitter of laughter. We heard her calling breathlessly on the stairs —“Wait a bit, Freddies — wait for me!”
George and Lettie smiled at each other when the children had gone. As the smile died from their faces they looked down sadly, and until dinner was announced they were very still and heavy with melancholy. After dinner Lettie debated pleasantly which bon-bon she should take for the children. When she came down again she smoked a cigarette with us over coffee. George did not like to see her smoking, yet he brightened a little when he sat down after giving her a light, pleased with the mark of recklessness in her.
“It is ten years today since my party at Woodside,” she said, reaching for the small Roman salt-cellar of green jade that she used as an ash-tray.
“My Lord — ten years!” he exclaimed bitterly. “It seems a hundred.”
“It does and it doesn’t,” she answered, smiling.
“If I look straight back, and think of my excitement, it seems only yesterday. If I look between then and now, at all the days that lie between, it is an age.”
“If I look at myself,” he said, “I think I am another person altogether.”
“You have changed,” she agreed, looking at him sadly. “There is a great change — but you are not another person. I often think — there is one of his old looks, he is just the same at the bottom!”
They embarked on a barge of gloomy recollections and drifted along the soiled canal of their past.
“The worst of it is,” he said, “I have got a miserable carelessness, a contempt for things. You know I had such a faculty for reverence. I always believed in things.”
“I know you did,” she smiled. “You were so humblyminded — too humbly-minded, I always considered. You always thought things had a deep religious meaning, somewhere hidden, and you reverenced them. Is it different now?”
“You know me very well,” he laughed. “What is there left for me to believe in, if not in myself?”
“You have to live for your wife and children,” she said with firmness.
“Meg has plenty to secure her and the children as long as they live,” he said, smiling. “So I don’t know that I’m essential.”
“But you are,” she replied. “You are necessary as a father and a husband, if not as a provider.”
“I think,” said he, “marriage is more of a duel than a duet. One party wins and takes the other captive, slave, servant — what you like. It is so, more or less.”
“Well?” said Lettie.
“Well!” he answered.