The Greatest Works of D. H. Lawrence. D. H. LawrenceЧитать онлайн книгу.
was reassured by the glamour of evening over ripe Sussex. She breathed the land now and then, while she watched the sky. The sunset was stately. The blue-eyed day, with great limbs, having fought its victory and won, now mounted triumphant on its pyre, and with white arms uplifted took the flames, which leaped like blood about its feet. The day died nobly, so she thought.
One gold cloud, as an encouragement tossed to her, followed the train.
‘Surely that cloud is for us,’ said she, as she watched it anxiously. Dark trees brushed between it and her, while she waited in suspense. It came, unswerving, from behind the trees.
‘I am sure it is for us,’ she repeated. A gladness came into her eyes. Still the cloud followed the train. She leaned forward to Siegmund and pointed out the cloud to him. She was very eager to give him a little of her faith.
‘It has come with us quite a long way. Doesn’t it seem to you to be travelling with us? It is the golden hand; it is the good omen.’
She then proceeded to tell him the legend from ‘Aylwin’.
Siegmund listened, and smiled. The sunset was handsome on his face.
Helena was almost happy.
‘I am right,’ said he to himself. I am right in my conclusions, and Helena will manage by herself afterwards. I am right; there is the hand to confirm it.’
The heavy train settled down to an easy, unbroken stroke, swinging like a greyhound over the level northwards. All the time Siegmund was mechanically thinking the well-known movement from the Valkyrie Ride, his whole self beating to the rhythm. It seemed to him there was a certain grandeur in this flight, but it hurt him with its heavy insistence of catastrophe. He was afraid; he had to summon his courage to sit quiet. For a time he was reassured; he believed he was going on towards the right end. He hunted through the country and the sky, asking of everything, ‘Am I right? Am I right?’ He did not mind what happened to him, so long as he felt it was right. What he meant by ‘right’ he did not trouble to think, but the question remained. For a time he had been reassured; then a dullness came over him, when his thoughts were stupid, and he merely submitted to the rhythm of the train, which stamped him deeper and deeper with a brand of catastrophe.
The sun had gone down. Over the west was a gush of brightness as the fountain of light bubbled lower. The stars, like specks of froth from the foaming of the day, clung to the blue ceiling. Like spiders they hung overhead, while the hosts of the gold atmosphere poured out of the hive by the western low door. Soon the hive was empty, a hollow dome of purple, with here and there on the floor a bright brushing of wings — a village; then, overhead, the luminous star-spider began to run.
‘Ah, well!’ thought Siegmund — he was tired —‘if one bee dies in a swarm, what is it, so long as the hive is all right? Apart from the gold light, and the hum and the colour of day, what was I? Nothing! Apart from these rushings out of the hive, along with swarm, into the dark meadows of night, gathering God knows what, I was a pebble. Well, the day will swarm in golden again, with colour on the wings of every bee, and humming in each activity. The gold and the colour and sweet smell and the sound of life, they exist, even if there is no bee; it only happens we see the iridescence on the wings of a bee. It exists whether or not, bee or no bee. Since the iridescence and the humming of life are always, and since it was they who made me, then I am not lost. At least, I do not care. If the spark goes out, the essence of the fire is there in the darkness. What does it matter? Besides, I have burned bright; I have laid up a fine cell of honey somewhere — I wonder where? We can never point to it; but it is so — what does it matter, then!’
They had entered the north downs, and were running through Dorking towards Leatherhead. Box Hill stood dark in the dusky sweetness of the night. Helena remembered that here she and Siegmund had come for their first walk together. She would like to come again. Presently she saw the quick stilettos of stars on the small, baffled river; they ran between high embankments. Siegmund recollected that these were covered with roses of Sharon — the large golden St John’s wort of finest silk. He looked, and could just distinguish the full-blown, delicate flowers, ignored by the stars. At last he had something to say to Helena:
‘Do you remember,’ he asked, ‘the roses of Sharon all along here?’
‘I do,’ replied Helena, glad he spoke so brightly. ‘Weren’t they pretty?’
After a few moments of watching the bank, she said:
‘Do you know, I have never gathered one? I think I should like to; I should like to feel them, and they should have an orangy smell.’
He smiled, without answering.
She glanced up at him, smiling brightly.
‘But shall we come down here in the morning, and find some?’ she asked. She put the question timidly. ‘Would you care to?’ she added.
Siegmund darkened and frowned. Here was the pain revived again.
‘No,’ he said gently; ‘I think we had better not.’ Almost for the first time he did not make apologetic explanation.
Helena turned to the window, and remained, looking out at the spinning of the lights of the towns without speaking, until they were near Sutton. Then she rose and pinned on her hat, gathering her gloves and her basket. She was, in spite of herself, slightly angry. Being quite ready to leave the train, she sat down to wait for the station. Siegmund was aware that she was displeased, and again, for the first time, he said to himself, ‘Ah, well, it must be so.’
She looked at him. He was sad, therefore she softened instantly.
‘At least,’ she said doubtfully, ‘I shall see you at the station.’
‘At Waterloo?’ he asked.
‘No, at Wimbledon,’ she replied, in her metallic tone.
‘But —’ he began.
‘It will be the best way for us,’ she interrupted, in the calm tone of conviction. ‘Much better than crossing London from Victoria to Waterloo.’
‘Very well,’ he replied.
He looked up a train for her in his little time-table.
‘You will get in Wimbledon 10.5 — leave 10.40 — leave Waterloo 11.30,’ he said.
‘Very good,’ she answered.
The brakes were grinding. They waited in a burning suspense for the train to stop.
‘If only she will soon go!’ thought Siegmund. It was an intolerable minute. She rose; everything was a red blur. She stood before him, pressing his hand; then he rose to give her the bag. As he leaned upon the window-frame and she stood below on the platform, looking up at him, he could scarcely breathe. ‘How long will it be?’ he said to himself, looking at the open carriage doors. He hated intensely the lady who could not get a porter to remove her luggage; he could have killed her; he could have killed the dilatory guard. At last the doors slammed and the whistle went. The train started imperceptibly into motion.
‘Now I lose her,’ said Siegmund.
She looked up at him; her face was white and dismal.
‘Good-bye, then!’ she said, and she turned away.
Siegmund went back to his seat. He was relieved, but he trembled with sickness. We are all glad when intense moments are done with; but why did she fling round in that manner, stopping the keen note short; what would she do?
Chapter 22
Siegmund went up to Victoria. He was in no hurry to get down to Wimbledon. London was warm and exhausted after the hot day, but this peculiar lukewarmness was not unpleasant to him. He chose to walk from Victoria to Waterloo.
The streets