The Essential Works of George Orwell. George OrwellЧитать онлайн книгу.
and the muck underfoot, her face scarcely visible because of a flat black hat which she wore cocked down over her eyes like a Harrow boy's straw hat. He started towards her and called her name.
'Rosemary! Hi, Rosemary!'
A blue-aproned man thumbing codfish on a stall turned to stare at him. Rosemary did not hear him because of the din. He called again.
'Rosemary! I say, Rosemary!'
They were only a few yards apart now. She started and looked up.
'Gordon! What are you doing here?'
'What are you doing here?'
'I was coming to see you.'
'But how did you know I was here?'
'I didn't. I always come this way. I get out of the tube at Camden Town.'
Rosemary sometimes came to see Gordon at Willowbed Road. Mrs Wisbeach would inform him sourly that 'there was a young woman to see him', and he would come downstairs and they would go out for a walk in the streets. Rosemary was never allowed indoors, not even into the hall. That was a rule of the house. You would have thought 'young women' were plague-rats by the way Mrs Wisbeach spoke of them. Gordon took Rosemary by the upper arm and made to pull her against him.
'Rosemary! Oh, what a joy to see you again! I was so vilely lonely. Why didn't you come before?'
She shook off his hand and stepped back out of his reach. Under her slanting hat-brim she gave him a glance that was intended to be angry.
'Let me go, now! I'm very angry with you. I very nearly didn't come after that beastly letter you sent me.'
'What beastly letter?'
'You know very well.'
'No, I don't. Oh, well, let's get out of this. Somewhere where we can talk. This way.'
He took her arm, but she shook him off again, continuing, however, to walk at his side. Her steps were quicker and shorter than his. And walking beside him she had the appearance of something extremely small, nimble and young, as though he had had some lively little animal, a squirrel for instance, frisking at his side. In reality she was not very much smaller than Gordon, and only a few months younger. But no one would ever have described Rosemary as a spinster of nearly thirty, which in fact she was. She was a strong, agile girl, with stiff black hair, a small triangular face and very pronounced eyebrows. It was one of those small, peaky faces, full of character, which one sees in sixteenth-century portraits. The first time you saw her take her hat off you got a surprise, for on her crown three white hairs glittered among the black ones like silver wires. It was typical of Rosemary that she never bothered to pull the white hairs out. She still thought of herself as a very young girl, and so did everybody else. Yet if you looked closely the marks of time were plain enough on her face.
Gordon walked more boldly with Rosemary at his side. He was proud of her. People were looking at her, and therefore at him as well. He was no longer invisible to women. As always, Rosemary was rather nicely dressed. It was a mystery how she did it on four pounds a week. He liked particularly the hat she was wearing—one of those flat felt hats which were then coming into fashion and which caricatured a clergyman's shovel hat. There was something essentially frivolous about it. In some way difficult to be described, the angle at which it was cocked forward harmonised appealingly with the curve of Rosemary's behind.
'I like your hat,' he said.
In spite of herself, a small smile flickered at the corner of her mouth.
'It is rather nice,' she said, giving the hat a little pat with her hand.
She was still pretending to be angry, however. She took care that their bodies should not touch. As soon as they had reached the end of the stalls and were in the main street she stopped and faced him sombrely.
'What do you mean by writing me letters like that?' she said.
'Letters like what?'
'Saying I'd broken your heart.'
'So you have.'
'It looks like it, doesn't it!'
'I don't know. It certainly feels like it.'
The words were spoken half jokingly, and yet they made her look more closely at him—at his pale, wasted face, his uncut hair, his general down-at-heel, neglected appearance. Her heart softened instantly, and yet she frowned. Why won't he take care of himself? was the thought in her mind. They had moved closer together. He took her by the shoulders. She let him do it, and, putting her small arms round him, squeezed him very hard, partly in affection, partly in exasperation.
'Gordon, you are a miserable creature!' she said.
'Why am I a miserable creature?'
'Why can't you look after yourself properly? You're a perfect scarecrow. Look at these awful old clothes you're wearing!'
'They're suited to my station. One can't dress decently on two quid a week, you know.'
'But surely there's no need to go about looking like a rag-bag? Look at this button on your coat, broken in half!'
She fingered the broken button, and then suddenly lifted his discoloured Woolworth's tie aside. In some feminine way she had divined that he had no buttons on his shirt.
'Yes, again! Not a single button. You are awful, Gordon!'
'I tell you I can't be bothered with things like that. I've got a soul above buttons.'
'But why not give them to me and let me sew them on for you? And, oh, Gordon! You haven't even shaved today. How absolutely beastly of you. You might at least take the trouble to shave every morning.'
'I can't afford to shave every morning,' he said perversely.
'What do you mean, Gordon? It doesn't cost money to shave, does it?'
'Yes, it does. Everything costs money. Cleanness, decency, energy, self-respect—everything. It's all money. Haven't I told you that a million times?'
She squeezed his ribs again—she was surprisingly strong—and frowned up at him, studying his face as a mother looks at some peevish child of which she is unreasonably fond.
'What a fool I am!' she said.
'In what way a fool?'
'Because I'm so fond of you.'
'Are you fond of me?'
'Of course I am. You know I am. I adore you. It's idiotic of me.'
'Then come somewhere where it's dark. I want to kiss you.'
'Fancy being kissed by a man who hasn't even shaved!'
'Well, that'll be a new experience for you.'
'No, it won't, Gordon. Not after knowing you for two years.'
'Oh, well, come on, anyway.'
They found an almost dark alley between the backs of houses. All their lovemaking was done in such places. The only place where they could ever be private was the streets. He pressed her shoulders against the rough damp bricks of the wall. She turned her face readily up to his and clung to him with a sort of eager violent affection, like a child. And yet all the while, though they were body to body, it was as though there were a shield between them. She kissed him as a child might have done, because she knew that he expected to be kissed. It was always like this. Only at very rare moments could he awake in her the beginnings of physical desire; and these she seemed afterwards to forget, so that he always had to begin at the beginning over again. There was something defensive in the feeling of her small, shapely body. She longed to know the meaning of physical love, but also she dreaded it. It would destroy her youth, the youthful, sexless world in which she chose to live.
He parted his mouth from hers in order to speak to her.
'Do you love me?' he said.
'Of course, silly. Why do you always ask me that?'
'I