Note: To read before the wedding. Yury GurkovЧитать онлайн книгу.
people with whom the communication will be easygoing in order to listen to other points of view, to listen to yourself from the side. After reading there is every likelihood that you will discover a lot of new things and change your mind. You will start a new movement – "Happiness to every home". Let’s start with your own.
6. All we need is love
Remember what feelings fill most of us when we start watching a beautiful romantic movie or a clip about a love story, when the mawkish sweetly frames replace each other… At first the main characters do not know each other and live their own lives, waiting and believing that they will meet a fabulous love. They make attempts to find it, get disappointed, do their daily chores, but we are already beginning to feel this clue, skillfully twisted by the author or the director. The clue that slowly begins to twist into bright, satin, fluttering in the wind tapes of beautiful relationships. It starts when the first sympathy and timid steps to meet each other halfway appear. When we watch the movie – we begin to empathize. Even the pulse of the majority can be pleasantly quickened, because all these scenes can resonate with our own experience. We wait for this love, these emotions, look for them and often meet only on the screens of cinemas or in the books. Why? This genre of books is very popular and popular for hundreds of years.
AND NOW PLEASE ASK YOURSELF: "HOW MANY HAPPY FAMILIES HAVE I EVER SEEN WHERE BOTH THE ROMANCE AND SENSUAL RELATIONSHIPS PERSIST FOR DECADES?" GUESS THE ANSWER IS – TOO LITTLE!
And now please ask yourself: "How many happy families have I ever seen where both the romance and sensual relationships persist for decades?" Guess the answer is – too little! So we read and we look in order to (at least) empathize and be happy for a while. Even the tears may well up when the final chords sound in these fictional stories always with gorgeous background or fabulous beauty of landscapes behind. Moreover, the music from these episodes is always strongly associated with them and we will always remember it. Songs and melodies remain in our memory because with the help of music our consciousness gives us these beautiful sketches that we saw on the screen. It is extremely pleasant for us – love, feelings and experiences, for which we are sometimes ready to go to the end of the world as the characters of the film. You can hear a very quiet "eh…" from rising from the seats people in the cinema. The pressing wave of the happy end of the love story engulfs the audience. In that sound «eh» hide pleasure, quiet joy, a bit of sadness and hope.
It would be easier to give you a good, real example from somebody’s life at the beginning of the book, and it could set the tone for the whole story. But no, I was not lucky, I lived a little more than 5 265 000 hours and have not yet had the opportunity to meet such an example. Maybe you have such?
Despite the age the overwhelming majority of us want something kin to it! We want to be happy as the heroes of the novel or even better – brighter, more fervently and we dream about the person to whom we can give ourselves and give him or her everything unreservedly. It is very important to stop here for a while and read the next paragraph more slowly.
Full-fledged happiness of two hearts is when both want to give themselves to another, to take care of the beloved with creative constancy, but not other combinations. For example, one gives himself to love, and he «tolerates» the other, or both, burned out after the bouquet period or the first years of marriage, live as with a relative and nothing more – there are no rushing embraces at a run, no surprises and romance, no flirting before the coming night and etc. Under the creative constancy is indicated the whole family life, in which at all stages – in 20 or when you are 45, or 59 – there is a place for care, affection and warm kind speech. Creativity – it is about variety of forms of caring for a spouse. It can be almost limitless if you really love. Furthermore, it is so good when there is permanence in different family traditions.
We all want to experience love every day of our lives, not envy the heroes of the films. Someone who has an unspent supply of tendance, who knows how to appreciate your actions and efforts in everyday life, in maintaining a comfortable family hearth should be next to you. And these relations must be built very thoroughly, taking into account the unmistakable choice. Now we will dive into the issues of choice from different sides to reveal something new to you, even if it seems strange or idealized at first glance.
7. The begging of the success – to learn how to analyze
Now let's tear love and happiness limb from limb. How can you manage to build your halcyon fate from the very beginning – from choosing the right candidate? Of course, this process has many other factors – after the choice, after the wedding, but we will talk about it later. As you will see, the choice of a husband or a wife is an insoluble rebus for the majority.
In no instance I do not deny that love should move the bride and groom to conclude a marriage alliance. In the book you will not find any information, any sentence or any word about it, it is made in the belief that it does not take a rocket scientist that love and attraction are on the surface.
It's just that love and appetence to each other – the way we used to understand it – are risk considerations, the reasons that separate people, if they are not thinking, contemplating or making any thought process – to think who is in front of you. Sometimes people do not think at all. We say only some beautiful words of love and longing in order to cover up our ignorance or unwillingness to analyze. So what should you pay attention to when choosing a groom, if love remains in default general and fundamental?
IT'S JUST THAT LOVE AND APPETENCE TO EACH OTHER – THE WAY WE USED TO UNDERSTAND IT – ARE RISK CONSIDERATIONS, THE REASONS THAT SEPARATE PEOPLE, IF THEY ARE NOT THINKING, CONTEMPLATING OR MAKING ANY THOUGHT PROCESS – TO THINK WHO IS IN FRONT OF YOU.
The trick is that if we do not know thoroughly our future spouse, husband or wife, love remains as if «naked», and it should be dressed not only in beautiful clothes from our romantic ideas. Love should be firstly dressed in practical clothes, which are not afraid of any quarrels that make us feel the cold inside of our hearts, or any conflicts of values, collisions of characters which make us nervous and heated, or any household fittings, or showers of tears, or reproaches or even insults.
Such «clothes» everyone should gather in his list of what he knew and definitely find a lot of new things. The attentive reader will find something new in the examples, images and his or her own reflections after each chapter.
Some comparisons and allegories will be our helpers in a long conversation. These comparisons often remain in our memory and help us to carry advice and recommendations through time. Let us turn to one of them, maybe a little strange one for girls – an example of successful fishing. We will not look at the fairytale about the goldfish, we will talk about real fishing.
In order to catch an ordinary fish the most common fisherman does not throw a fishing rod from the beach of the lake, saying that it is convenient for him or there is a sandy entrance. He makes a strategic plan. At first by studying and asking seasoned fishermen when it is better to go for the morning bite, when to the evening dawn. And dozens of specialized «secrets»: what wind will be better for the bite, million little things in gear and the peculiar features of each fish. One of them sharply and thoughtlessly falls to the hook with killer, the other on the contrary can try for hours and eat everything without getting caught. Without the ability to analyze the situation, the fisherman would have nothing to do – he simply will not catch the desired fish.
Reviewing the analogy with our topic, the desired husband can not be caught, if you also do not know the important and necessary moments: "a strategic plan, when and where to go to find a husband, which wind from the interlacing of personality traits will be favorable and which hurricane will be more feeble for the family life and of course a million little things that can be a stumbling block in the future." And to catch your own best husband, you will have to turn on the switch actuator of analytical analysis in your head and do not turn it off preferably until great age.
Couple dozen examples are waiting for you ahead. They will show you that the absence of such an assessment of a husband or a wife has led to varying degrees of consequences, which are difficult to call the little nothings of life. It is rather a disaster, disappointment,