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everything we know, and who knows what else!” I tried to explain after she let go of me. “Two hours ago, in the garden… Flora saw!”
“She told you?”
“Not a word—that’s the horror. She kept it to herself! The child of eight, that child!” I was completely shocked by it.
Mrs. Grose, of course, was surprised too. “Then how did you find out?”
“I was there, I saw it with my own eyes. I saw that she knew.”
“Do you mean she sees him?”
“No—her.” I knew I must have looked really shocked because I could see it on Mrs. Grose’s face. “Another person, but just as terrifying and evil. A woman dressed in black, pale and scary, with a strange face. She was on the other side of the lake. I was there with the child—quiet for the hour; and then she came.”
“Came how—from where?”
“From where they come from! She just appeared and stood there—but not so near.”
“And without coming nearer?”
“Oh, for the effect and the feeling, she might have been as close as you!”
“Was she someone you’ve never seen?”
“Yes. But someone the child has. Someone you have.” Then, to show how I had thought it all out: “My predecessor[41]—the one who died.”
“Miss Jessel?”
“Miss Jessel. You don’t believe me?”
She turned right and left “How can you be sure?”
“Then ask Flora—she’s sure!” But before I could finish speaking, I stopped myself. “No, for God’s sake, don’t! She’ll say she isn’t—she’ll lie!”
“Oh, how could you?”
“Because I’m sure. Flora doesn’t want me to know.”
“Then, it’s only to protect you.”
“No, no, there’s more to it! The more I think about it, the more I understand, and the more I understand, the more I’m afraid. I don’t know what I don’t see, what I don’t fear!”
Mrs. Grose tried to keep up with me. “Do you mean you’re afraid of seeing her again?”
“Oh, no, that’s not the problem now!” Then I explained. “I’m afraid of not seeing her.”
But my companion just looked pale. “I don’t understand you.”
“Well, it’s that the child may continue to do it, and she will, without me knowing.”
“Oh dear, we must stay calm! And, you know, if she doesn’t mind it…!” She even said a dark joke. “Maybe she enjoys it!”
“Enjoys such things, a little child!”
“Isn’t it just a sign of her pure innocence?” my friend bravely asked.
“Oh, we must believe it! If it’s not proof of what you say, it’s proof of… who knows what! This woman is really horrifying.”
“Tell me how you know,” she said.
“Then you agree it’s what she was?” I cried.
“Tell me how you know,” my friend simply repeated.
“Know? By seeing her! By the way she looked.”
“At you, do you mean—?”
“Dear me, no— She never looked at me. She only looked at the child.”
Mrs. Grose tried to understand. “Looked at her?”
“Ah, with such awful eyes!”
“Do you mean with dislike?”
“God help us, no. With something much worse.”
“Worse than dislike?”
“With great determination[42]. With a kind of evil intent[43].”
Her face turned pale. “Intent?”
“To take possession of Flora.” Mrs. Grose walked towards the window. As she looked outside, I finished, “That’s what Flora knows.”
After a bit, she turned around. “The person was dressed in black, you say?”
“Yes, but with great beauty. She was wonderfully beautiful. But insidious[44].”
She came back to me slowly. “Miss Jessel was insidious.” She once again took my hand and said, “They were both insidious.”
“I appreciate[45],” I said, “that you haven’t spoken about it until now, but it’s time for you to tell me everything.” She seemed to agree with this, but still stayed silent. I continued: “I need to know. What did she die from? Come, there was something between them.”
“There was everything.”
“But what about their differences?”
“Oh, their social status, their situation,” she said sadly. “She was a lady.”
I thought about it; I understood again. “Yes, she was a lady.”
“And he was so far below,” said Mrs. Grose.
“He was a bad person.”
Mrs. Grose quietly said “I’ve never seen anyone like him. He did what he wished.”
“With her?”
“With them all.”
It was as if my friend saw Miss Jessel again with her own eyes. For a moment, I felt like I could see her too, just like I saw her at the lake. I said, “That must have been what she wanted too!”
Mrs. Grose’s expression showed that it was true, but she also said: “Poor woman—she paid for it!”
“Then you do know what she died of?” I asked.
“No—I know nothing. I didn’t want to know; I was glad enough I didn’t!”
“Yet you had, then, your idea—”
“About why she left? Oh yes, I had that. She couldn’t have stayed. Imagine being a governess here! And then I started imagining… and what I imagine is horrible.”
“It’s not as horrible as what I do,” I replied, and then I realized my defeat “I can’t do it!” I cried in despair. “I can’t save or protect them! It’s worse than I imagined—they’re lost!”
VIII
What I told Mrs. Grose was true enough: there were things in the situation that were difficult for me to understand and explore. We both agreed that it was important to stop imagining strange things. Late that night, while the house slept, we had another talk in my room. I asked her how, if I had “made it up,” I could describe each person’s looks in detail, and she named them right away[46]. She wanted to forget about that, and I told her that I was trying to find a way to escape[47] from it. I said that I might get used to the danger with time, but my new suspicion was still unbearable[48]. However, as the day went on, I felt a little better about the situation.
The next morning, I had of course returned to my pupils. I spent time with Flora and realized that she could tell when something was wrong with me. Looking into her beautiful eyes, I knew that her innocence was real and not a trick. But I knew that Flora saw
predecessor – предшественник
determination – решимость
intent – умысел, намерение
insidious – коварный
to appreciate – ценить
right away – тотчас
to escape – сбежать, спастись
unbearable – невыносимый