Carefully, the Gestalt doors are closing. Alla KrasnovaЧитать онлайн книгу.
just going to stand there and watch the scenery change through the transparent windows of the doors, but suddenly I looked at the door, and there was this damn doll imprinted, as if it had bumped into the glass on the back side. It was only for a moment. What was inside me suddenly flew to me from the outside, imprinted on the transparent glass. I ran away, hearing my heart pounding clearly. Indignation, anger, and resentment rose up inside.
I didn’t sleep, I just lay there and got up only from the insistent knock on the door of the guide, whose name was Galya. I saw her several times when she brought me bed linen and tea. She was a very sociable woman with heavily varnished and lifelessly dry dark hair. She looked to be in her mid-fifties.
“The train arrives at M-station in fifteen minutes,” said her husky, still half-awake voice. While I was driving at night, I heard her voice more than once, she talked to her colleague about the incident with bed linen and described in colors how one passenger took it out in a suitcase, that is, stole it.
Another guide was indignant in a loud voice, saying, why this woman, who looked very decent, their bespontovoe bed linen. “She’s not normal,” Galya told her. I actively listened to them. Their conversation distracted me from my thoughts and made me feel better. I imagined this woman who stole the bedclothes, then looked at her white bedclothes and wondered why she would need them. I noticed how quickly and with my head I go into other people’s realities, so as not to think about my own. Other people’s problems didn’t seem so hard to me. I would even have liked to join in the conversation of these lovely ladies and talk to a careless passenger to distract myself from my voodoo doll, which, as it turned out, I carried everywhere with me, it did not live on bird rights in my world.
“Yes, yes, I’m awake, I’m getting up,” I said. – I’ll check out the bed linen, “I said, and felt a wary pause outside the door. Probably, Galya did not understand that someone could hear their conversation and catch the intonation of their lively conversation, so that later she could insert her own word.
Getting off the train was exciting, because I had to get off in a different mood. As my mother used to tell me, “Now leave the room and come in in a different mood.” Despite the fact that this phrase annoyed me, I knew that now I needed to do just that.
The train stopped, my hand gripping the handle of a suitcase that was bright red in color. I once bought it for traveling with my lover. I wanted to go on a honeymoon trip with this suitcase, but ironically, this is the first time I went with this suitcase alone. It was of good quality and very different from the suitcases I’d seen. Design work, author’s work. I hoped that he would give me strength and my life would also be author’s, where the author is me, and not a voodoo doll.
***
– hello! I waved happily as I got off the train and saw Avena.
She had shoulder-length glossy blond hair. They also say about such hair: “dazzling blonde”. I’ve rarely seen someone with such a well-groomed blonde.
I stared at her, a blonde in an aquamarine dress that looked really good on her, but I wondered what I looked like in her eyes. I thought I didn’t look bad, the years of my painful existence didn’t have a significant impact on my figure and appearance, I was still slim, and, as it seemed to me, I hadn’t changed much.
Before the trip, I put myself in order, dyed my hair in the salon. The master who painted my hair a dark brown color said that I had gray hair. And this is despite the fact that my face remained almost the same as five years ago, there were no new wrinkles. Someone goes to the cosmetologist and fills the face with botox to hide the traces of facial life on it. I didn’t have to do that, I didn’t have life on my face. It wasn’t there at all, either inside or out. I guess it was my instinct for self-preservation that prompted me to look for this life in others, so I decided to go on this little journey.
Avena came to me with quick steps and hugged me, and I smiled again, feeling my right hand tighten on the handle of the suitcase, and my other hand hugged my friend back.
“I’m so glad to see you. She said, and I saw her amused narrowed eyes.
“Me too!” I replied, imitating her life-affirming intonation.
Chapter Two
We got into Avena’s Jeep, which was dark blue in color. I noticed that Avena used to have a different car, just as expensive. If there was anyone to be jealous of and put a voodoo doll on, it was definitely not me, because I didn’t have such a car. Avena’s parents had a family business-a chain of stores Solomina&Solomin, which sold inexpensive but high-quality furniture. It was their brand.
– Well, let’s go?! she said cheerfully to me. – It won’t take long to get here, you’ll see how great it is here!”
“I don’t doubt it,” I said quickly.
When I looked at myself in the front-view mirror and saw how pale my skin looked in daylight, I was a little upset. In a room or other enclosed space, I looked better, but now the rays of the sun seemed to deliberately highlight my shortcomings.
“The house is almost empty,” Avena said as the car pulled away. – My mother will be back soon, she is in Moscow on business, developing our family business. And my father is on vacation with friends. Savannah and I are alone.
“Savannah?” I asked.
“This is my sister. Didn’t I tell you about her?
“Oh, yes – “I said.
I really forgot that Avena told me about her sister who was born with a genetic syndrome. Back then, I was too wrapped up in my own business and career to listen to other people and remember the information. I didn’t want to delve into other people’s problems, feelings and emotions, because they took away my strength.
– How’s she doing?” I asked out of politeness.
– Great, close to the sea. She likes water, she likes everything, “Avena smiled. – And I’m getting married, “she added, and her smile deepened.
I was taken aback when she said she was getting married. It stung me, as if my story was repeating itself, but not with me.
– Yes? I said quickly, trying to hide my confusion.
For a moment, I thought I saw a voodoo doll glimpse somewhere between the trees we were driving past. I held my breath.
“Great, congratulations,” I added, keeping my voice calm as best I could.
– He’ll be here soon, and you’ll meet him!” Avena said. “His name is Sean. I told him on the phone today that we would have guests, “she smiled enigmatically, and a thought crept up on me: “What if she was the one who planted the voodoo doll on me, effectively taking my fate away from me and appropriating it for herself?”
But then I tried to brush the thought off like it was an annoying fly, since it was completely illogical. Avena couldn’t be jealous of me, because she had everything… Or could she? She didn’t have a man then, and now she has one, and I don’t… I didn’t know what to say next, so I veiled my confusion with a compliment to change the subject.
“You haven’t changed at all,” was all I could say at that moment.
“You too,” she nodded happily at me.
– How’s Ian doing?’ You haven’t been in touch anymore? – What is it? ‘she asked me, as if she were asking me something ordinary.
My heart gave out with resentment and pain, as if an old wound had been opened with a stick.
– no. I haven’t even thought about him in all that time, “I said defiantly.
“Out of sight – out of mind,” she said, taking it all at face value.
Soon we stopped