Трое в лодке, не считая собаки / Three Men in a Boat (To Say Nothing of the Dog). Джером Клапка ДжеромЧитать онлайн книгу.
arrives for Harris to join in. Harris takes no notice of it. Nervous pianist commences prelude over again, and Harris, commencing singing at the same time, dashes off[52] the first two lines. Nervous pianist tries to finish the prelude, then he tries to follow Harris with accompaniment, and stops.
HARRIS (with kindly encouragement): “It’s all right. You’re doing it very well, indeed – go on.”
NERVOUS PIANIST: “I’m afraid there’s a mistake somewhere. What are you singing?”
HARRIS (promptly): “The Judge’s song. Don’t you know it?”
A FRIEND OF HARRIS’S (from the back of the room): “No, you’re not, you’re singing the Admiral’s song.”
Long argument between Harris and Harris’s friend as to what Harris is really singing.[53] Friend finally suggests that it doesn’t matter what Harris is singing, and Harris requests pianist to begin again. Pianist starts prelude to the Admiral’s song, and Harris begins.
HARRIS: ‘When I was young and called to the Bar.’
General roar of laughter, taken by Harris as a compliment. Pianist, thinking of his wife and family, retires; his place is taken by a stronger-nerved man.
THE NEW PIANIST (cheerily): “Now then, old man, you start off, and I’ll follow. We won’t bother about any prelude.”
HARRIS (laughing): “Oh, I beg your pardon. Of course – I’ve mixed up the two songs. It was Jenkins[54] confused me, you know. Now then.
Singing; his voice sounds like an approaching earthquake.
‘When I was young I served a term As office-boy to an attorney’s firm.[55]’
(Aside to pianist): “It is too low, old man; we’ll have that over again, if you don’t mind.”
[Sings first two lines over again, in a high falsetto[56] this time.
Great surprise on the part of the audience. Nervous old lady near the fire begins to cry.]
HARRIS (continuing): ‘I swept the windows and I swept the door, And I – ’
No – no, I cleaned the windows of the big front door.
And I polished up the floor – no, dash it[57] – I beg your pardon – funny thing, I can’t think of that line. And I – and I – Oh, well, we’ll get on to the chorus (sings):
‘And I diddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-de, Till now I am the ruler of the Queen’s navee.[58]’
Now then, chorus – it is the last two lines repeated, you know.
GENERAL CHORUS: “And I diddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-de, Till now I am the ruler of the Queen’s navee.”
And Harris never sees what an idiot he is making of himself, and how he is annoying a lot of people who never did him any harm. He promises them to sing another comic song after supper.
We reached Sunbury Lock at half-past three. The river is sweetly pretty just there before you come to the gates, and the backwater is charming; but don’t attempt to row up it.[59]
I tried to do so once. I was sculling, and asked the fellows if they thought it could be done, and they said, oh, yes, they thought so, if I pulled hard. We were just under the little footbridge.
I pulled splendidly. My two friends said it was a pleasure to watch me. At the end of five minutes, I thought we ought to be near the weir, and I looked up. We were under the bridge, in exactly the same spot that we were when I began.
We sculled up to Walton,[60] a rather large place for a riverside town. Caesar,[61] of course, had a little place at Walton – a camp, or an entrenchment, or something of that sort. Also Queen Elizabeth,[62] she was there, too. You can never get away from that woman, go where you will.[63]
There is an iron ‘scold’s bridle[64]’ in Walton Church. They used these things in ancient days for curbing women’s tongues. They have given up the attempt now. I suppose iron was getting scarce,[65] and nothing else would be strong enough.
There are also remarkable tombs in the church, but Harris didn’t seem to think of them, and we went on. Above the bridge the river winds tremendously. This makes it look picturesque; but it causes argument between the man who is pulling and the man who is steering.
You pass Oatlands Park[66] on the right bank here. It is a famous old place. Henry VIII[67] stole it from some one or the other, I forget whom now, and lived in it. There is a grotto in the park which you can see for a fee, and which is supposed to be very wonderful; but I cannot see much in it myself. The late Duchess of York,[68] who lived at Oatlands, was very fond of dogs. She had a special graveyard, in which she buried them when they died, and there they lie, about fifty of them, with a tombstone over each, and an epitaph inscribed thereon.
Well, I dare say they deserve it quite as much as the average Christian[69] does.
Halliford[70] and Shepperton[71] are both pretty little spots; but there is nothing remarkable about either of them. There is a tomb in Shepperton churchyard, however, with a poem on it, and I was nervous lest Harris should want to get out. So I jerked his cap into the water, and in the excitement of recovering that, he forgot all about his beloved graves.
At Weybridge,[72] the river enters the Thames.[73] The lock is just opposite the town, and the first thing that we saw, when we came in view of it, was George’s blazer on one of the lock gates. When we came close, we discovered George inside it.
Montmorency set up a furious barking, I shrieked, Harris roared; George waved his hat.
George had a curious thing in his hand. It was round and flat at one end, with a long straight handle.
“What’s that?” said Harris, “a frying-pan?”
“No,” said George, with a strange, wild look glittering in his eyes. “It’s a banjo.”
“I never knew you played the banjo!” cried Harris and I, in one breath.
“Not exactly,” replied George, “but it’s very easy, they tell me; and I’ve got the instruction book!”
Chapter IX
George did not want to work, of course; that goes without saying. He had had a hard time in the City, so he explained. Harris said:
“Ah! and now you are going to have a hard time on the river for a change; change is good for everyone!”
I would not let Harris touch the tow-line, because he is careless. I had looped it round slowly and cautiously, and tied it up in the middle, and folded it
dashes off – выпаливает
as to what Harris is really singing – о том, что именно поет Гаррис
Jenkins – Дженкинс
When I was young I served a term аs office-boy to an attorney’s firm. – Я в мальчиках когда-то служил у адвоката.
in a high falsetto – высоким фальцетом
dash it – чёрт подери
I am the ruler of the Queen’s navee – веду я королевский флот
to row up it – идти на вёслах вверх по течению
Walton – Уолтон
Caesar – Цезарь
Queen Elizabeth – Королева Елизавета
go where you will – куда бы вы ни отправились
scold’s bridle – узда для сварливых женщин
iron was getting scarce – железа стало не хватать
Oatlands Park – Оутлэнд-парк
Henry VIII – Генрих VIII (
Duchess of York – герцогиня Йоркская
average Christian – средний христианин
Halliford – Хэллифорд
Shepperton – Шеппертон
Weybridge – Уэйбридж
Thames – Темза