The Emma Harte 7-Book Collection: A Woman of Substance, Hold the Dream, To Be the Best, Emma’s Secret, Unexpected Blessings, Just Rewards, Breaking the Rules. Barbara Taylor BradfordЧитать онлайн книгу.
smiled faintly. ‘I do love you. I’ve loved you for years. And I will always love you. But I cannot stay here, Adam, in the same house as my sister, your wife, and conduct a clandestine love affair. I cannot!’
‘Olivia, Olivia, let us not be hasty. Surely, if we are discreet—’
‘It’s not only that,’ she interrupted quickly. ‘What we did last night was wrong. We committed a terrible sin.’
Adam said, almost roughly, ‘Because I committed adultery. Is that what you’re saying, Olivia? It was not you, but I, who committed a sin, in the eyes of the law. That is a matter for my conscience, not yours. So let me worry about that.’
‘We both committed a sin – in the eyes of God,’ she answered very softly.
Observing the grave look on her face, he knew, with an awful sense of foreboding, that she was in deadly earnest. He did not want her conscience to drive her away from him. He could not let her go. Not now. Not ever again. Not when they had found each other at last, after all the years of loneliness and unhappiness they had both endured, trapped in their worthless marriages.
Adam spoke urgently. ‘Olivia, I understand the way you feel. Believe me, I do. You are a good and honest person. Duplicity and intrigue are not in your nature. I know, too, that you have a strong sense of personal honour. As I do myself. I fought my emotions, my desire for you, very hard last night.’
He paused and gazed deeply into her eyes. He touched her face tenderly. ‘I suppose it was wrong, in a way. But we didn’t hurt anyone, least of all Adele. And I certainly don’t feel any remorse or guilt. You shouldn’t either. That would be pointless, for we cannot undo what we did, nor can we alter the fact that we love each other. And I do love you. More than I have ever loved any other woman.’
‘I know,’ she murmured sadly. ‘Nevertheless, we cannot think of ourselves, selfishly. We must put duty first.’ Her eyes filled with tears she had been trying to withhold, and her face overflowed with her love for him. ‘I know it is not in you to behave shoddily, Adam.’
‘Everything you say is true, of course. But I cannot live the rest of my life without you, my love.’ He shook his head. ‘I cannot!’ His luminous eyes implored her. ‘Please stay with me, at least until July, as you planned, and as you promised last night. For my part, I promise, I will never intrude on you, or force myself upon you.’ Adam took her hands in his again. ‘Such a thing would be irremissible, in view of the circumstances and your feelings about Adele, and your position in this house. But please, Olivia, stay with me for a few months,’ he beseeched her, his voice low and hoarse with his desperation. ‘I swear I will not attempt to make love to you. Please, please don’t abandon me to life in this mausoleum. To life alone in this loveless house.’
Olivia’s heart went out to him. She did love him, so very much, and life had dealt him a cruel blow, saddling him with her sick and disturbed sister. He who was so vital, so full of life, and so fine and good. As she studied that strained and suffering face before her, Olivia felt her resolution wavering, her determination to leave Yorkshire dissolving. Slowly she began to weaken, for she found it hard to deny him. And what he asked was really not all that unreasonable. ‘All right, I will stay,’ she said at last, in the gentlest of voices. ‘But it must be on the conditions you have just mentioned.’ She moved closer to him on the sofa, took his agonized face in her hands, and kissed his cheek. ‘It’s not that I don’t desire you, my darling. Because I do,’ she murmured. ‘However, we cannot be lovers in this house.’
Adam exhaled a long and deep sigh. ‘Thank God!’ he exclaimed. That deadening coldness that had afflicted his body gradually seeped out of him, and his sense of relief was so enormous it was almost euphoric. Now he took her in his arms and pressed her head against his shoulder, stroking her hair. ‘I need you so very much, my love. Your presence is as vital to me as breathing. But I swear I will not lay a finger on you, or compromise you in any way. I am happy just to be with you, to have your companionship, to know you love me. You feel the same way, don’t you?’
‘Yes, I do,’ Olivia responded. ‘We must be discreet, though, and not display our affection for each other so readily, or so openly.’ She looked into his face, so close to hers, and smiled for the first time. ‘Like this. It would be most embarrassing if Gerald, or one of the servants, walked in now.’ As she finished speaking she extracted herself from his embrace.
‘Quite right,’ Adam remarked with a small dry laugh. He was ready to acquiesce to anything she wanted, if it meant keeping her by his side. ‘Well, my love, if we are going to be circumspect, perhaps we had better have a sherry, and sit on opposite sides of the room, and chat about inconsequential things.’ He made his voice light and he was able, at last, to laugh. ‘Would you like a drink before dinner, my sweet?’
‘Yes, that would be lovely, Adam. And most natural-looking wouldn’t you say, should we be surprised by any member of the household.’ Her eyes were suddenly merry and she found herself laughing with him.
Adam grinned at her and stood up. Her eyes followed him across the room. She felt an unexpected ache in the region of her heart, and she wondered if they would have the strength to control their emotions, to deny each other. We must, she said firmly to herself.
Adam returned with the sherries. He handed her one, clinking her glass. ‘Cheers, my dear.’ He smiled wryly and, very pointedly, sat in the chair opposite. ‘Is this a discreet enough distance?’ he asked, his eyes twinkling.
‘I should say so,’ she said, laughing again. She sat back on the Chesterfield and relaxed, her usual equanimity fully restored. She trusted Adam implicitly. He would keep his word, and his distance, and that in itself would give her the necessary strength to do the same thing.
‘There is just one thing more,’ Adam began cautiously. ‘You said we could not be lovers in this house. However, if I saw you in London, might it – could it be – different? We would be free there,’ he asserted.
Olivia’s pretty mouth curved into a small smile. ‘Oh, Adam, darling, you are impossible,’ she said, shaking her head. Then her eyes became quiet and grave. ‘I don’t know how to answer that. We would still be committing a sin, wouldn’t we?’ She blushed and dropped her eyes. ‘I don’t know what to say. I must think.’
‘Please, don’t get upset again, my love,’ Adam cried, conscious of her discomfiture. ‘We will not discuss that side of our relationship again. Not until you wish to discuss it. Could I ask one favour of you, though?’
‘Of course, Adam,’ said Olivia.
‘When I am in town, you will dine with me, won’t you? And accompany me to the theatre? You will see me, won’t you?’ he asked, his desperation again apparent in his voice.
‘You know very well I will. We have always spent time together when you have been in London. Why should it change now, Adam? We have even more reasons to see each other – socially,’ she declared in a positive voice that was also calm.
This reassured him. ‘Good. Then it’s all settled.’ Adam stood up and threw a log on to the fire, pushing back the memory of their mutual passion of the night before.
‘Was Edwin glad to be back at school?’ Olivia asked.
Adam was lighting a cigarette. He drew on it and said, ‘Yes, he was delighted to be back. Poor Edwin has been quite frustrated, cooped up with Adele all these months.’ He sighed. ‘She does coddle him so.’ Adam rested an arm on the mantelshelf and lifted one of his highly polished brown boots on to the hearth. He threw Olivia a swift glance, and, leaning closer to her, went on, in a lower voice, ‘I do hope you are aware that Adele and I have not lived together as man and wife for over ten years.’
‘Yes, I had assumed that,’ said Olivia. She stood up and went to him. She kissed his face and stroked his hair. ‘Everything will be all right. I know it will. Now, let me get you another sherry.’
She took the glass from him, and he smiled at her, thankful she was with him, and that now she