The Sandman Slim Series Books 1-4. Richard KadreyЧитать онлайн книгу.
was in Hell for eleven years. Most Hellions had never seen a live human. I was the most exciting thing that happened to them seen since they were booted out of Heaven. When they got done with me, when the torture and freak shows and rape got boring, I killed things for them. I was really good at it.”
“I knew there was a reason you are the way you are. I guess a season in Hell is a better excuse than most.”
“Vidocq told you?”
“Relax, boy. It’s L.A. We’ve all got secrets around here. And we know how to keep them.”
“Who are her people?”
“Excuse me?”
“You said Candy gets pissy about unexpected, late-night calls. What does that mean?”
“Oh,” he says, and opens the clinic door. “She’s a Jade. But we’re working on it.”
Candy walks Allegra out of the clinic while I open up the Escalade. We both help her get inside and stretched out in the back.
“Thanks,” I tell Candy.
“You’re welcome.”
I start the engine, but she keeps standing there. She gestures for me to roll down the window. I push the button and the glass slides away. She steps up onto the running board and leans into the car, just a few inches from my face.
“Doc told you about me. I can tell. I want you to know you don’t have to be afraid of me. Eugène likes you. Doc likes you. That means I like you. We’re all family now. All the funny little people who live in the cracks in the world.”
People say that Jades are like vampires, but really they’re more like human tarantulas. When you get bit, you don’t swoon in Bela Lugosi ecstasy; you’re paralyzed while something in the Jade’s saliva dissolves you from the inside. Then they drink you, leaving you as hollow as a chocolate Easter bunny. I haven’t been this close to a Jade in a long time and it’s freaking me out a little.
I say, “I used to kill your kind.”
She grins.
“I used to kill yours. See? We already have something in common.”
“Is the doc a Jade or something?”
“Doc? Wow. In the history of wrong guesses, that was about the wrongest wrong guess since ever.”
“You’re not like the other Jades I’ve met.”
“What? I’m not all slinky and seductive?”
“No, you’re cute enough. You’re just not much of a monster.”
“That’s okay. I think you’re monster enough for both of us.”
Allegra sits up and looks around.
“Are we home yet?” she asks.
“I should go.”
“Yeah, you should,” says Candy. She gives me a peck on the cheek and jumps down off the van. Kinski comes outside; she runs over to him and slips under his big arm as he holds it up for her. She waves as we pull out of the parking lot.
I should have known that Candy was a Jade back in the exam room. That trick she did with her voice, almost sending me to sleep on my feet, that’s Black Widow 101 stuff. She sure didn’t come on like a Jade, except for one thing. That kiss on the cheek came from lips as cold as any dead thing I’ve ever touched. So, why did I enjoy it so much? After being a monk for most of eleven years, any attention from a cute girl, alive or dead, will get under your skin. There’s the good news. The bad news? On top of everything else, I might be turning into a necrophiliac.
WHEN ALICE AND I got together, I wasn’t the only one with secrets. One night, after a particularly long evening of bruising sex on the couch in our un-air-conditioned living room, she blurted out, “I’m rich.”
“What?”
“I’m filthy, balls-out, stinking rich. My whole family is, though they’ve probably disinherited me by now.”
“So, you might be rich, but you’re not sure?”
“No, I’m rich. Even if they forget all about me, I have a trust fund worth more than some Central American countries.”
I sat up and reached for the coffee that had gone cold on the table.
“You do not.”
“I’m in the DAR. I have my grandmother’s gold rings and diamonds in a safe deposit box. Hell, I own a tiara.”
“And you’ve never worn it to bed? You’re holding out on me.”
She locked onto me with her serious face. I always had to shut up when she used the serious face.
“I never told a boyfriend about any of this before. You’re the first.”
“Why me?”
She hit me in the stomach, half joking and half annoyed. I almost spilled coffee all over the couch.
She said, “I love you, ass-brain. I want you to know all about me.”
“You already know all about me. My family doesn’t have any money. But I can make a good chicken-fried steak.”
She sat up on one elbow.
“Why aren’t you rich? Why aren’t all magicians rich?”
I shrugged and lay down beside her.
“Partly it’s keeping under the radar. Partly it’s tradition. A sort of code or something. What’s cool about being rich if you do it by reciting a few words? Most rich Sub Rosa are connected to some kind of legit business. The rest of us just skate by. We just use magic to cut some corners. And that’s the point. I’m not rich, but I know I’ll never starve because I can order a burrito and make the counter person think I’ve already paid.”
“Aim high, dude.”
I kissed her hard and she crawled on top of me.
“So, when do we get to blow your grandma’s money on drugs and hookers?”
“That’s the tricky part. Grandma was old money. Old money hates rich kids, even rich grandkids. I don’t get a dime until I’m thirty.”
“Thirty? That’s geologic. That’s Jurassic Park.”
“Anyone can make it to thirty, if they’re not a complete dipshit. That’s the deal. We’re rich and all we have to do is make it to thirty.”
I looked away, playing it straight.
“That’s a long way off. I don’t like making big promises.”
Alice sat up on me.
“No, you have to. Promise me.”
“Hey, I’m kidding.”
“Promise me.”
“Okay. I promise not to die until I’m thirty. Happy now?”
“Almost. And you can’t die first.”
“Jesus. Where’s this coming from?”
“My parents. Say it.”
I grabbed her arms in my hands and held her tight.
“I won’t die first. I’ll live to be a hundred and leave card tricks and Japanese cartoon porn on your grave every year on your birthday. Happy now?”
“Completely,” she said, and smiled.
“So, when can you bring that tiara home? I’ve never tied up a DAR girl before.”
Parker killed Alice a month before she turned thirty. At least I got to keep part of my promise. I didn’t die first.
ALLEGRA’S