Marriage At Circle M. DONNA ALWARDЧитать онлайн книгу.
and Alex were putting Maren to bed; Johanna was cleaning up the kitchen. Grace had tried to help but Johanna had shooed her away, saying the cooks didn’t need to wash dishes. Grace knew she should just get in her car and go home, but instead she wandered out to the garden in the twilight, smelling the fragrant sweet peas that climbed the white latticed pergola.
The moon started its ascent. Frogs chirped from the pond down behind the barn. Grace sighed. If she went home now she’d end up feeling sorry for herself and spending the evening with a bowl of ice cream and a box of tissues. Despite the worry of the present, the Madsens were a happy family. Strong and bonded. She’d thought she’d have that, once, but now knew it would never happen. Most times she was okay with it. But times like this…times like this it hit her hard, made her mourn what she’d lost and what she’d never have.
She’d never have her own family.
“Beautiful night, isn’t it.”
Mike’s voice interrupted the quiet sounds of dusk and Grace swallowed the ball of emotion that had gathered in her throat. “Sure is.”
“You going to tell me what’s making you so blue?”
He was standing a little behind her and she kept her back to him. If she looked at him she wasn’t sure she wouldn’t lose it, and what an awkward mess that would be.
“I’m fine. Just enjoying the evening.”
“Grace Lundquist, you’re a bad liar.”
She sighed, willing him to stay behind her. Her eyes closed. “Just leave it be, Mike.”
He was quiet for a moment and Grace wondered if he’d gone. Then his voice came back, low and rumbly.
“I can’t.”
Oh, why did he have to be so concerned and caring all of a sudden? Mike didn’t think of her in any way besides a friend, and even if he did, it wouldn’t make sense to pursue anything, no matter how long she’d had a crush on him. He didn’t stay anywhere for long, or with anyone. In all the years she’d known him, he’d only had brief, fun relationships. Nothing serious. And Grace didn’t do brief and fun.
She had, once. And she’d thought Mike had really cared about her. She supposed in his own way, he had. But not enough. He hadn’t even broken up with her. He’d just gone.
She cared about him, yes. She admitted that much to herself. But she couldn’t let herself get too close. She didn’t trust him not to leave her again, and she wasn’t into making the same mistake twice.
No, they’d get along much better if they stuck to friends only.
His hand rested on her shoulder and she leaned into the reassuring contact. “I’m okay. I promise.”
“You didn’t look fine at dinner. You looked like your whole world was crashing in around you.”
Grace forced a smile and finally turned to meet his gaze. His eyes were dark with concern as his hand slid from her shoulder down to grip her fingers.
She pulled her hand away, attempting a laugh. “When did you get so dramatic, Mike? Worlds crashing around. As if.”
“If you weren’t upset, then what are you doing out here in the dark?”
“I didn’t want to intrude. I should just head home.”
A horse whickered softly in the moonshine. Mike turned his head toward the sound, smiling a little. “You shouldn’t worry about intruding. I’m living here. You can’t get much more in the way than that.”
“It’s only temporary.”
“Yes, it is. I’m looking forward to having my own place.”
Grace studied him, glad that the topic of conversation had been diverted away from her. He’d spent so many years without roots. Other than Maggie, his cousin-turned-foster parent, he’d never had a home. It just hadn’t been his way. A home had always seemed to represent a commitment he didn’t want to make.
“It seems funny, thinking of you with your own house, tied to a business. You’ve never been that type of guy.”
His gray eyes penetrated hers. “I wasn’t. Not for a long time. Things change.”
“What things?” She tilted her head curiously.
“It didn’t make sense to roam around without a purpose, looking for something yet not knowing what it was. I found myself wanting to settle, find a place for me. Build a business. Make a home, maybe even have a family.”
And just like that, her world dropped out from under her. It was like her bones had suddenly turned to jelly and everything got too heavy to move. He watched her quietly, his strong body between her and the house.
She had to escape.
Mike and a house and a family. Words she never thought she’d ever hear from his lips.
Why had it taken him so long to figure it out? If only he hadn’t taken a decade, things might have been different after all. A whole can of “what if’s” was opened, the contents spilled out.
After the long, emotional day she’d had it was too much. Her eyes burned with tears she tried desperately to hold inside and her mouth twisted. She chewed on her lip to keep it from quivering.
“I’ve gotta go,” she choked out, pushing past him and making a run for her car. She wrenched open the door and got in, turned the key to the ignition.
Just her luck. The one thing Mike was looking for now was the very thing she’d never be able to give him.
CHAPTER THREE
GRACE DRAGGED HERSELF out of bed. With a stroke of impeccable timing, she’d caught an early fall cold and it had completely knocked her out. Her head felt like a giant boulder sitting atop her neck, which might have been all right if only she could have breathed. But no, her nose was plugged, her throat was sore, and the only thing she wanted was to stay in bed and hide under the covers. Which was a crying shame, because outside everything was gilded and warm. The leaves were changing, her asters were blooming and bees hummed lazily in the mellow autumn sunshine.
With the teakettle on, she suddenly realized that tomorrow was payday at Circle M. Alex was confined to bed; it was up to Grace to make sure the checks got written. She sat at the table, resting her plugged head on her hands. No way was she heading out to the ranch. The last thing Alex—or Maren—needed was for her to pass on her cold.
Maybe someone from Circle M could drop off the paperwork and checkbook, she thought, getting up to pour the boiling water in her mug. Inspired, she picked up the phone and made the necessary call. After hanging up, she took the bag from her cup and added a squirt of lemon juice and a teaspoon of honey. Perhaps after her cup of tea she’d run a hot bath and try to steam away the congestion. And then maybe, just maybe, she’d feel human again.
Mike pulled into the driveway, grabbed the files from the passenger seat and hopped out of the truck. He skirted around the hood, heading for the back door, where there was a porch filled with natural light and plants and where he knew she liked to sit with a book, letting the breeze blow through the windows. He’d just drop off the ledger and checkbook, make sure she was okay and be on his way. Lord knew there was no shortage of work at Circle M lately. At least Connor was back, now that Alex was out of hospital.
It seemed to take Grace a long time to answer his knock, and when she did it took all he had not to gape.
She was dressed in snug jeans and a silky blue top that made his mouth water. He swallowed. The soft fabric dipped to a vee in the front, triangling the shape of her breasts, then flowing in folds to her waist. The sleeves clung to her upper arms, draping away gracefully past her elbows. It was a combination of innocent and sexy and for a brief moment he envisioned himself sliding his fingers over her soft shoulders while he kissed the daylights out of her.