Wife For Real. Jennifer TaylorЧитать онлайн книгу.
heard her own voice, thin and shallow, asking the question, ‘And that condition is?’
‘That we end this sham of a marriage.’
The blood rushed through every bit of her so fast that her fingers tingled and her body throbbed. It was relief, she told herself, the sheer relief of hearing those words that was causing this reaction. To imagine that there was the slightest trace of disappointment at it was ridiculous.
‘Of course. I shall give you a divorce any time you—’
Jordan’s laughter was so harsh that she flinched. ‘Oh, no, Katherine, that isn’t what I want! I’m sorry, I must have phrased it badly. Put it down to tiredness or whatever.’
He gave her a slow smile, his blue eyes playing over her white face. ‘In fact, what I want is just the opposite of what you imagined. I want to end the sham of the way we live by making our marriage a real one in every sense. I want us to live together properly as man and wife, to share a roof and a bed. And what I want most of all, Katherine, is a child.’
‘A child?’ She could hear the shock echoing in her voice, feel it rippling through her in waves. She stared at Jordan in disbelief, wondering wildly if she had misheard him. ‘You... you want us to have a child?’
‘Yes.’
‘I...I don’t know what to say. I never imagined...’ Katherine swallowed hard but her voice was still strained. ‘Why do you want a child, Jordan?’
He gave a wry laugh. ‘For all the usual reasons, I imagine! I’m no different from any other man in wanting a child to carry on my name and inherit all I have worked so hard to achieve.’
‘But why now, so suddenly, out of the blue like this...?’ She tailed off, unable to continue, unable to absorb what he was telling her and to make sense of it.
‘But it isn’t out of the blue. I’ve been thinking about this for some time.’ He met her eyes levelly. ‘I’m not getting any younger and I would like to have a child before I’m too old to do all the things a father should do with his son or daughter. But what about you, Katherine? Surely you want to have children while you’re still young enough to enjoy them?’
‘I... I never thought about it,’ she whispered hollowly.
‘Because you’re married to me?’
‘What do you mean?’ She stared at him in confusion as she heard the sudden bitterness in his voice.
‘Simply that you had put off thinking about having a family because of the implications.’ He shrugged, but his gaze was dark and intent. ‘It would entail sleeping with me, wouldn’t it, Katherine? And we both know how you feel about that!’
Her face flamed with angry colour and she stared back at him with stormy grey eyes. ‘Yes, we both know how I feel about that, Jordan. At least there’s no confusion on that score. It’s a pity that you aren’t as clear in your own mind about what you want and why.’
His brows rose, but he seemed more amused by her outburst than anything else. ‘Meaning what, precisely?’
‘That a child isn’t something you can bargain with like...like a clause in a contract! A child should be loved and wanted for the right reasons, not because it’s something you need to perpetuate your name!’
‘Oh, I agree, Katherine. I am in complete accord with you on that. It seems that you do have some views on children after all—even though you may not have thought about having a family yourself. Maybe you should do so now.’
He got up from the table. ‘In fact, that is what I want you to do—to think about what I have said very carefully before you tell me what your answer is. I’m afraid I shall have to stay here for the night as it’s too late to go to my club. We can talk about it again in the morning.’
He turned to leave, but Katherine couldn’t let him go like that. ‘You can’t really expect me to agree to such a proposal? It’s insane!’
He glanced back, his eyes shadowed by his lowered lids. She felt a frisson run down her spine as though he had physically touched her. ‘It isn’t insane at all. We’re married, Katherine. We can either accept that and try to make the best of it or we can carry on the way we are. Are you really happy with your life as it is at present?’
‘But why do you imagine that a child would make it better? It wouldn’t alter the reason we married, Jordan. It wouldn’t change that! Nothing can.’
She gave a shrill laugh. She could hardly believe they were having this conversation. A child! She couldn’t begin to think of what it would mean, how it would change her life. It would be the ultimate tie, of course, because she could never leave Jordan if they had a child...
Unlike her mother, a voice inside her whispered. Her mother had found it easy to leave her children because she’d had other needs. What if she was like that? What if she turned out to be like her mother in that respect as well...?
Katherine’s hands clenched as she tried desperately to hold onto her control, but it seemed to be slipping further and further away with each second that passed. ‘It’s out of the question,’ she said hoarsely. ‘There is no way that I shall agree!’
‘I don’t want you to give me your answer right away.’ He held his hand up when she started to speak. ‘No. This is too important an issue to make some hasty decision about. You need to think about it first.’
‘There is nothing to think about!’
‘Maybe you feel like that now because it’s been a shock.’ He shrugged, with an oddly tender smile playing about his mouth which startled her. ‘But once you think it through you may change your mind. You have a lot of love to give, Katherine. I know that from seeing how you behave towards your father and brother. A child would benefit from all that you have to give it, because you would make a wonderful mother.’
He left the room, and after a few moments Katherine heard the door to the spare bedroom closing. She sank down onto a chair, trembling in the aftermath of what Jordan had said.
A real marriage.
A marriage where she and Jordan would live together day by day, sleep together in the same bed, share all the intimacies of man and wife.
And a child. Jordan’s child...
She bit her lip as fear rushed through her in a great wave. The problem was that Jordan had no idea what he was really asking of her, but then how could he have? It was something she had never discussed with anyone; she was too ashamed to admit her secret fears.
How many times as she’d been growing up had she heard the comment passed about how like her mother she was? It had been meant as a compliment, because Caroline Carstairs had been a beautiful woman.
After Caroline had left, however, the comments had stopped abruptly. No one had wanted to point out the resemblance then, but the damage had been done. Katherine had been tormented by the thought that she might be like her mother in other ways, and all it had needed were those few minutes in Jordan’s arms to confirm her worst fears.
How could she allow that to happen again when the memory filled her with such shame?
She closed her eyes as the wave of fear engulfed her and she was drawn down into its dark depths. Yet how could she refuse and watch her brother’s life being ruined?
CHAPTER FOUR
SUNLIGHT poured through the window and touched Katherine’s face. She stirred. It took her a few seconds to realise that she was lying on her bed fully clothed, a few more before she remembered why...
She struggled to her feet, shocked to see that it was midday. She couldn’t believe that she had slept so late, even though it had been dawn before she’d crept into bed, exhausted by the effort of going over and over everything that had happened...
She felt a wave of panic wash over her as