In Defiance of Duty. CAITLIN CREWSЧитать онлайн книгу.
what kind of queen can you expect to be?” Diana asked, her brows arching high as if astonished Kiara had not raised this issue herself. “You were raised to know about oenology and viticulture, not royal intrigue and matters of state.”
“Your faith in me is touching,” Kiara said, her smile growing hard to maintain. She stood up then, desperate, suddenly, to avoid getting any deeper into this with her mother. She was afraid of what she might uncover inside herself that she didn’t want to know.
Diana only shrugged. “It’s not a question of faith,” she said. “I talked quite a bit with Queen Madihah at your wedding, you know. She was very open about having been trained to be the king’s perfect companion since before she could walk.”
Again her dark brows rose. She didn’t have to say anything further—it lay there between them as if she’d shouted it.
You are not queen material.
Kiara gathered up her things with as much control as possible, determined not to show Diana how unerring her aim had been, nor how hard she’d managed to strike her target. How did her mother manage to see straight into the heart of her, where she hid her worst fears?
“I don’t have time for this,” she said as calmly as she could. Which was perhaps not very calm at all. “I have to leave for Khatan early tomorrow. If there’s anything else?” She knew her smile was too brittle. “About the business, Mother. Not about my marriage. Please.”
“I would just like you to be realistic about this, Kiara,” Diana said, her flashing brown gaze showing the first hint of emotion Kiara could remember seeing in years. It made her stomach twist, guilt and obligation and something else.
“No, you wouldn’t,” she replied, temper boiling inside her, rushing in to cover the rest of the things she didn’t want to feel. Temper was easier. Cleaner. “You would like me to see things your way. You would like me to do things your way.”
“Do you imagine that you are the only girl to ever be swept away in some kind of fantasy romance?” Diana retorted. She rose, too, and waved a hand at the window, as if to encompass the vines stretching off toward the hills, the chateau, the whole of their family, their lives, their history. “I was starry-eyed when I met your father, but that hardly prepared me for the reality of running this business, did it? Much less raising a child all on my own when he was gone.”
Kiara didn’t want to hear this. Not again. This story was imprinted on her bones. It was a story of sacrifice and loss, and then a deep and abiding disappointment that Kiara fell so short of living up to all the things her mother had done for her. Was still doing for her.
It had guided her every step until she’d met Azrin.
“What can any of that possibly matter now?” she asked, her voice low, something dark opening wide inside her that she was afraid to look at too closely. That she knew she needed to close down, hide away, lest it rise up and eat her alive. “I am his wife. His queen. This is happening whether you like it or not, Mother.”
Whether you like it or not, too, a small voice whispered inside her—and she immediately hated herself for it. Diana let out a sigh that was loud in the sudden quiet of the office.
“Oh, Kiara,” she said, that familiar mix of bafflement and exasperation in her voice, her gaze. And something else—something that made that hard knot inside Kiara seem to swell in response. “None of this is about what I want.”
Azrin found her out on the private terrace that linked their suites in the family wing of the sprawling palace that sat high on the cliffs above the ancient city of Arjat an-Nahr, where brash skyscrapers now thrust into the skyline along with delicate minarets from centuries past.
She was curled up on one of the deep chaises, her gaze trained out over the dark sea that danced and shimmered far below her. The sun had set but recently, only a line of crimson edged with gold stretched out across the horizon to mark its passing.
Azrin liked that she was here, within reach, mere days since he’d seen her last. The pleasure of it moved through him, so deep and full that the tension of the long day seemed to ease away with every step that brought him closer to her. He liked her here, close by. He’d liked knowing that she had arrived safely and was already in the palace when he finally quit his endless round of meetings and strategy sessions.
She was the single bright spot in a long and complicated day.
She looked over her shoulder toward him as he drew near. There was an expression on her face that he couldn’t quite categorize—that he didn’t think he’d seen before—but then she smiled. He was already smiling back before he realized that her eyes were darker than they ought to have been.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he said.
He moved over to the chaise and dropped to sit at the opposite end. The terrace was alive with blooms, bright blossoms by day and the sweet scent of jasmine now that night had fallen. Up above, the stars began to come out. And for a moment, he thought, they could be anyone. Just a woman and a man and the whole night stretched out before them.
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