Emotions Rule. Ira LavЧитать онлайн книгу.
call it, as you like it, but have never met my man, who would take me for… let’s say, forever, you know like for a life love. One and only. I don’t know if I make sense. But back then I believed in such a love. I think most people did, especially in Soviet times. High moral, family standards were pretty strong and cherished alright, even though they were fraud in life. So at some point I decided I would just forget about that creating-a-family idea and live for myself, and enjoy life how it was. And I justified my new self with this so common phrase We come in this world alone and leave alone. So why suffer? Why being stuck up on finding some other half of yours when you’re whole already? That was when I created my English through theatre business, which was a great thing I’ve done. Look how we live,’ Katya raised her long fingers around the spacious Varya’s room and kept on, ‘but still, I desperately wanted a kid. I tremendously enjoyed being with my best friends, who had already kids and families, but I also envied them, hell, I envied them. This year I will turn fifty five. That means I was almost thirty seven when you were born. Not an extremely young Mum I was. As I was getting close to my fortieth birthday and no responsible, right man was to be seen, I decided I would play God, and have a baby without any man involved. You know, I didn’t want any awakened ‘father of yours’ appear unexpectedly and surprise you with, ‘Hey, I am your Dad.’ So, I had an IVF, In Vitro Fertilization. Shortly speaking, my egg was fertilized by some man’s sperm in a lab dish and then the embryo was put back into my uterus, and then the normal pregnancy went on. And that was how you appeared,’ finished Katya adding with a tender voice, ‘my Little Monster.’
They both knew that Varya was now a gorgeous young woman, but Little Monster nickname was something of a habit, a tradition, the tradition of mother and daughter love, they mutually shared and cherished. Katya kept on looking at her daughter trying to figure out her thoughts, ‘Do you want to be alone?’ she asked carefully.
‘Hell, no, Mum, I’m alright,’ produced Varya and froze to find the right words to describe her flow of thoughts, ‘It’s so unusual… what you did… I mean, lotsa people do it nowadays, but I’ve never thought I’d be the product of IVF… um… let’s name it not unusual but unique… it was still your egg. You are my Mum, hell, even if it wasn’t yours… you have raised me and I love you… and I know you love me… I guess, nothing’s changed from knowing the details of the fertilization, right? But why did you do it? You didn’t have any problems with getting babies, did you?’
Katya’s eyes began to get glossy. She began speaking with a slight tremble in her voice automatically slipping into a role of some broken-hearted woman, ‘Varya, I told you, I’ve never met a man who wanted to have kids with me. Sex yes, but no kids, no family. A family requires love, commitment, responsibility, money, a place to live, time, etc… No responsibilities or duties men need these days. Just fun everyone wants. When it gets serious, men evaporate… Such are my observations. I mean, of course, there are SOME men who want to have a family, but I guess, they were or are all occupied already. So I thought I would have a baby without any particular man I know. I didn’t like the situation and I changed it to my liking, shortly speaking. And since then I see men as fun, positive emotion-evoking adventures … as they have always seen me. And it’s so much better as I don’t worry anymore, no more heart-breaking feelings, no attachments. I buried the idea of finding the right man. And watching you grow and knowing that no one will appear and bother you makes me feel stable, confident, calm.’
Katya made a sigh and wanted to say something else to explain herself, but Varya embraced her and they both sat holding each other, making their backs salty with tears.
Varya put her forehead against her mother’s and uttered, ‘Mum, let’s spend the whole day together. I wanna hear your whole life story. I bet it’s much better than any Hollywood movie I’ve seen. So what d’ya say? I’ll celebrate my birthday with friends tomorrow, no problem.’
‘Let me think,’ Katya said and complimented her words with an image of Rodin’s sculpture Thinker, ‘I agree. I’ll make it a real performance for you, ho-ho. Shall I perform it as a musical?’ Katya stood up and began singing, ‘When I was young, I never needed anyone, and making love was just for fun,’ she stopped abruptly and commented, ‘Well, that’s the opposite with me,’ she turned to Varya, wiped her eyes with her fingers. ‘But first I need a tissue to blow my nose,’ informed she with a chuckle, ‘no, I’d rather wash my face.’
‘Yup, good idea. And then we’ll have a talk over cold coffees and tiramisus,’ agreed Varya looking at the tray where half a centimeter of the candle was left, ‘I forgot to make a wish, my wish has just come true. Cuba-Cuba! I’ll make one for you then.’
Varya blew off the candle light and produced a wink with a smile. And they went to wash their red-spotted faces.
As Blondie stepped out of the bathroom she heard her phone buzz again. She drew the phone out of her purse and swiped the green circle, ‘Hello’, she said.
‘Hello, my sweet Milf,’ came Sasha’s deep and confident voice.
‘Just a second,’ Katya said business-like into the speaker, covered the speaker with her palm and yelled to Varya, ‘I’ll join you in the kitchen in five minutes, honey.’ Blondie headed to her bedroom feeling butterflies flutter in her belly and shut the door.
Katya raised the phone to her ear and said as-a-matter-of-factly, ‘So, hi, Kilf.’
‘Kilf…and that would stand for?’ wondered Sasha in a bit confused voice.
‘Kid-I’d-Like-To-Fuck,’ informed Katya.
‘You watch it, woman. I may punish you for this and won’t even notice that you are a woman and that you are almost eighteen years older than me,’ he said in his seducingly confident voice and added, ‘you can call me Filf by the way.’
At first Katya opened her mouth to ask how he knew about her age. But then she remembered about giving her ID to the receptionist. Suddenly her thoughts were frozen by Filf expression. She guessed the first ‘f’ would stand for ‘father’ and quickly responded, ‘Are you married? If yes, I don’t want to have anything with you again, I don’t mix up with married men.’
‘Don’t worry, I’m divorced, have a ten-year-old son, who lives with his mum and fucking father-in-law in Amsterdam. The rest can tell you later. Will I see you today, Katya?’ he asked demanding.
‘Um, I can’t today. It’s my daughter’s birthday and I just promised her to spend the whole day with her, telling her how I came from the point of finding my prince on a white horse for a happy family life to the point of treating men as little adventures,’ explained Katya.
‘Oh, that’s how you see men. I’ll have to prove you otherwise. I do care,’ stated Sasha.
‘Care about what?’ wondered Katya confused.
‘Care about you, about the beginning of our relationship, at least now,’ confessed he, ‘but your words are misleading at the moment.’
‘That’s interesting… Can we talk it over tomorrow? You can have me the whole day, whole Sunday will be yours, I promise,’ Katya reassured him.
‘Ok, tomorrow then,’ agreed Sasha.
‘And prepare the Teach Me, Tiger song. I’m totally into it now,’ added Katya.
‘I will. See you,’ said Sasha.
‘See you, Tiger,’ responded Blondie and hang up.
Katya entered her kitchen a bit perplexed but with a wicked playful fire in her eyes. This air of confidence about Sasha drove her crazy. Confident voice, confident posture, confident gliding arms…
‘Who was that, Mum?’ wondered Varya raising her voice from a low to a high note. She noticed every change in her Mum’s face.
‘Just a man. You don’t know him,’ answered Katya, sipped some coffee, took a spoonful of tiramisu and placed it in her