Her Valentine Hero. Gail Martin GaymerЧитать онлайн книгу.
told me he’d be happy to drive me there.” She brightened as a new idea struck her. “Maybe he can pretend that I’m his date.” The possibility dampened, and she faltered. “But I’m not sure that would make a difference with Erik. He knows how to add pressure.”
Memories spewed in her mind. His persistence to prove her love had been unending until she’d given in, and he didn’t stop there. When he managed to get her somewhere alone, he’d laugh if she said no. “What difference does it make now,” he’d ask, and he’d knock down every reason she named. Giving in had been a horrible mistake. After that experience she felt as if the men she’d dated had the same motive in mind, and that’s why she’d decided sticking to God’s will was her answer.
Instead of smiling, Ashley sat in silence, a frown growing on her face. “Did I hear you right? You want to use Jonny?”
“It’s not exactly using him.” Her pulse kicked. “He offered to pick me up and—”
“He offered a ride.” Ash shook her head. “You treated him awfully when he was a kid, and now you plan to use him for your purpose again. You’re using him as a battering ram.”
She winced at her sister’s comment. Though Ashley didn’t know about her intimacy with Erik, she’d expected her to understand why she wanted to hide behind Jonny’s presence.
“How does Jonny feel about this?” Ashley’s thoughtful look unsettled her.
Neely swallowed, already knowing what her sister would say. “I didn’t explain it to him yet.”
“You think he’ll want to be your pawn. You think he’s not good enough for a real date.” Ashley drew in a lengthy breath while Neely waited for her to continue. “I see.”
She didn’t, and she never would understand until Neely told her the truth about letting Erik take advantage of her, and her pride wouldn’t do that.
“He’s four years younger than me. He poured sand in my hair when he was a kid. I’m not going to date him for real. And I’m not playing a game with him.” Neely held her breath.
“You don’t think so?” A grim look slipped over her face. “It’s more than that, Neely. It’s something I’ve noticed and—”
“More than what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Ashley’s expression made her uneasy.
“You remind me of Mother.”
Neely’s head jerked back. “Mother? Never.” Ice ran through her veins. “Why would you say that?”
“Do you recall problems you had with Mom?” She gave her head a sharp shake. “That we had?”
“She was self-focused.” But that wasn’t all, and Ashley knew it.
“And critical. No matter how hard Daddy tried to please her, he didn’t do it the right way. He didn’t say the right thing. He didn’t wear the right tie. He didn’t drive slow enough or fast enough.”
The words bit through Neely’s defense, but she toughened her guard. “I’m not critical like Mom. Not at all.”
“It’s not identical, but you find fault with people when you become vulnerable.”
She opened her mouth to rebut, but Ashley flexed her palm.
“Don’t stop me, sis. I’m saying this because I love you.”
Neely had heard it before. She could hear her mother’s nitpicking voice ring in her ears. “What are you talking about? How am I vulnerable?”
“When Erik got too close, you backed away, looking for greener grass as they say. You thought maybe the future held something better.”
“And it did.” Her voice split the air, and Joey let out a whimper. She winced at her lack of control.
“Maybe so, but you walked in here and told me how Jonny was kind and good-looking and someone you could be interested in, but then you attacked his age.” Ashley looked heavenward and shook her head. “His age? Is that not stupid? I wouldn’t have cared if Adam had been six years younger than me. I noticed him first for his looks, but I fell in love with him for his wonderful qualities. You need to value people for what’s important.”
Neely cringed. She’d made a mistake talking with Ashley about anything related to men. She’d lost her husband, and that had skewed her attitude.
Ashley rose and lifted Joey in her arms, giving him a hug. He eyed her a moment, and then squirmed down toward the floor. She settled him back amid the cars and blocks, and then dug into his toy box for a couple new distractions.
Looking at two people she loved, Neely felt an ache in her chest. Why had Ashley thrown their mother in her face? Her sister knew her motivation for leaving town was her mother’s constant criticism, and she’d just grown more determined to get away. And while duty had motivated her homecoming, once she’d arrived, love and hope overpowered her need to make retribution for her absence.
“I know you’re being like a big sister, Ash, but you’re confusing me. Why do you say I didn’t find something better? I had a good job—”
“Wait a minute. You walked away from your life in Indianapolis. If it was so great, why would you leave your apartment, your friends, and more job opportunities than you’ll find here in Michigan. Positions aren’t easy to come by.” Instead of returning to the sofa, she sank into an easy chair. “Now you’re worried about Erik, and that doesn’t make sense. Brush him off. If you’re not interested in Jonny, don’t lead him on for your own purpose. Jonny sounds like a nice guy, and maybe someone who could make you happy, but you won’t give him a chance. Or any guy for that matter, it seems. When I fell in love with Adam, I married him for better or worse, sis. I didn’t expect worse, but it happened. Still, I wouldn’t give up one moment of our time together and the love we shared.” Her gaze drifted to Joey.
Ashley’s words jolted her. “Maybe I wasn’t in love with Erik, but I thought I was. I certainly never loved Jonny although I will admit as much as I bad-mouthed him, I found his attentiveness cute. I don’t want to hurt Jonny now. I planned to be honest with him. No games.”
“There’s no harm, I suppose, if you’re honest and he agrees.” She closed her eyes with the look of exasperation. “But you’ve told me he’s a great guy. Don’t slough him off. See where your friendship goes.” She rested her hands on her knees, and leaned forward. “Real love is wonderful, Neely. I want love to find me again. No one will ever replace Adam, but I miss feeling complete. Part of me feels empty as if something is missing. I want to feel whole again, but it will take someone special.”
Drawing her shoulders back, Ashley straightened. “I want you to know that kind of love. When you described Jonny, I sensed that he could be a special person, and for once in your life, you couldn’t find one thing wrong with him.” She gave Neely a pointed look. “Except he’s a couple years younger.”
“Four.”
Ashley rolled her eyes. “Four years. Open your eyes to opportunities, Neely. Mom criticized her way through life never really seeing the man who loved her so much.”
“Dad.” The word caught in her throat.
“He forgave her...always, and he tolerated her constant badgering not because he wasn’t strong, but because he loved her. Love is a power beyond understanding. When you find it, it will glue itself to your thoughts and your heart.”
“Maybe, Ash, but I don’t know if I will ever feel that kind of love.”
Her sister grinned. “One of these days, I’ll be able to say ‘I told you so.’” She rose and settled beside Neely. “My advice, sis, is keep your eyes and heart open, and love will find you, and then knock your socks off.”
Ashley grinned and opened her arms while Neely molded into her embrace. If anyone knew about love, it