Duty Or Desire. Brenda JacksonЧитать онлайн книгу.

      “Would you like to tell me what that was about, Peterson?”

      It wasn’t the tone of Bonnie’s voice alone that let Pete know she was upset with him. She never called him Peterson. “I stated it already and there’s nothing more to tell. I thought the woman you were recommending was an older woman, closer to your age. She’s way too young,” he said, before sitting back down to the table to resume eating his lunch.

      “Too young? For heaven’s sake, she’s nearly twenty-five. Women her age are having babies every day. How can you think she’s too young when you’ve gotten Charity Maples to babysit for you a few times and she’s only seventeen?”

      He shrugged. “The key word is babysit. I don’t need a young nanny working for me. Have you forgotten I need a live-in nanny?”

      “At the moment what I think you need is your head examined. Myra Hollister is more than qualified to be a nanny, and what’s the problem with her living here while taking care of Ciara?”

      He didn’t say anything and then he wished he had come up with something. If he had, Bonnie might not have slung out her next accusation. “You’re afraid, aren’t you? You’re afraid that a young beautiful woman will remind you to live again.”

      He glanced over at her, which wasn’t hard to do since she’d come to stand by the table. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am living.”

      “No, you’re not—you’re breathing. I, more than anyone, know that a part of you stopped living the day Ellen died. It’s been twelve years, Pete.”

      Every muscle in Pete’s body tensed. He, of all people, knew just how many years it had been. A man would not forget the day his fiancée died when she was thrown from the horse she’d been riding. Pete doubted he would ever forget that day for as long as he lived.

      A man had come into the dress shop where she worked a month earlier and tried flirting with her. She’d told him she wasn’t interested and was engaged to be married. He had begun stalking her and Ellen hadn’t told Pete anything. Then the man had intentionally thrown a firecracker to spook her horse. At least he’d been arrested and was still serving time for Ellen’s death.

      “I know how long it’s been, Bonnie. What’s your point? You act as if I don’t date.”

      “Yes, you date, though rarely.”

      She was right. However, his excuse was a good one. He was too busy. Besides, some women saw a man in a uniform as a trophy to win and he didn’t intend to be a prize in any contest. He sighed as he shifted his gaze from Bonnie to the window.

      Bonnie moved around the table to stand by him, intentionally blocking his view. She stood there, a force to be reckoned with, her hands on her hips, giving him that infamous Bonnie McCray glare.

      “You’ve just dismissed your best prospect for a nanny. I didn’t even know about that thesis for her PhD. That makes her more than qualified.”

      He drew in a deep breath. “What do you even know about her?”

      “She’s living in Denver temporarily, trying to deal with grief. Her parents died a few months ago while vacationing in Morocco. The tour helicopter crashed.”

      “That’s tragic,” he said, shaking his head, feeling bad for the woman. Losing both parents at the same time had to be hard on a person. He recalled years ago when the same thing had happened to his best friends, Derringer and Riley Westmoreland. The cousins had lost both sets of parents the same day in an airplane accident. He recalled how devastating that had been.

      “Yes, it was tragic,” Bonnie was saying. “Her family owns a huge corporation in Charleston, but she’s not in the family business or anything.”

      “How did she decide on Denver?” he asked,

      “Someone she knows from college owns a house here and she’s leasing it for six months.”

      He nodded. “Well, I wish her the best, but like I said, she’s too young to stay here. I’m sure there are other women out there. An older woman I can hire to live here as a nanny.”

      “Myra could live here as Ciara’s nanny, Pete. Don’t think I don’t know why you’re behaving the way you are. I’ve got eyes. I knew the moment she walked into the room that you were attracted to her.”

      He wouldn’t bother denying anything because he’d learned long ago that Bonnie didn’t miss a thing. “And what if I am? I’ve been attracted to women before.”

      “Yes, and the few you’ve dated were women you deemed safe. For some reason you’re afraid if a pretty young woman like Myra got underfoot that she might thaw your frozen heart.”

       First she accuses him of breathing instead of living and now she’s saying he has a frozen heart.

      His heart wasn’t frozen. He just wore a thick protective shield around it. Pete refused to ever go through the pain he’d felt when he lost Ellen. Pain that could still creep up on him even now, twelve years later. Had Ellen not died, they would be married by now with a bunch of kids and living in this very house where he’d been born. They would be happy, just as they’d been that day when they’d been sixteen and had decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend forever.

       Forever…

      For him, forever was still going on. It hadn’t died the day Ellen had.

      “Have you forgotten about that dream you shared with me, Pete?”

      He didn’t have to wonder what dream she was talking about. “What does that dream have to do with anything?”

      She sat down in the chair beside his. “Because in that dream you said your hands had been tied and Ellen was untying them for you. Not only did she untie them but then she tried to push you out some door.”

      A part of him now wished he hadn’t shared any details about that dream with Bonnie. But he had done so mainly because it had bothered him to the point where he’d awakened in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. He’d gotten up to go into the kitchen, needing something to drink and found Bonnie in the living room, sitting in the chair, rocking Ciara back to sleep. While downing a glass of lemonade, he had told Bonnie about his dream and she’d listened and said nothing.

      It had been the next morning when she’d told him what she thought the dream meant. Ellen was trying to release him, free him from all the plans they’d made together. She wanted him to enjoy life. To live and love again. To do more than just breathe.

      Pete sighed deeply. He hadn’t accepted Bonnie’s interpretation of the dream then and he wouldn’t accept it now. “I don’t want to talk about that dream, Bonnie.”

      “Fine, Pete. But you need to accept that I’m leaving and your niece needs a nanny. I honestly don’t think you’re going to find another person more qualified than Myra Hollister, especially not in two weeks.”

      He slid back his chair to stand. “I intend to do just that, Bonnie. I’m determined to find someone more qualified.”

      He had to.