THE FOUR GOSPELS (Les Quatre Évangiles). Эмиль ЗоляЧитать онлайн книгу.
wall was Ambroise, now nearly four and quite a little cherub. And the third bed, a cradle, was occupied by Mademoiselle Rose, fifteen months of age and weaned for three weeks past. She lay there half naked, showing her white flowerlike skin, and her mother had to cover her up with the bedclothes, which she had thrust aside with her self-willed little fists. Meantime the father busied himself with Ambroise’s pillow, which had slipped aside. Both husband and wife came and went very gently, and bent again and again over the children’s faces to make sure that they were sleeping peacefully. They kissed them and lingered yet a little longer, fancying that they had heard Blaise and Denis stirring. At last the mother took up the lamp and they went off, one after the other, on tiptoe.
When they were in their room again Marianne exclaimed: “I didn’t want to worry you while we were out, but Rose made me feel anxious to-day; I did not find her well, and it was only this evening that I felt more at ease about her.” Then, seeing that Mathieu started and turned pale, she went on: “Oh! it was nothing. I should not have gone out if I had felt the least fear for her. But with those little folks one is never free from anxiety.”
She then began to make her preparations for the night; but Mathieu, instead of imitating her, sat down at the table where the lamp stood, and drew the money paid to him by Morange from his pocket. When he had counted those three hundred francs, those fifteen louis, he said in a bitter, jesting way, “The money hasn’t grown on the road. Here it is; you can pay our debts tomorrow.”
This remark gave him a fresh idea. Taking his pencil he began to jot down the various amounts they owed on a blank page of his pocket diary. “We say twelve francs to the Lepailleurs for eggs and milk. How much do you owe the butcher?” he asked.
“The butcher,” replied Marianne, who had sat down to take off her shoes; “well, say twenty francs.”
“And the grocer and the baker?”
“I don’t know exactly, but about thirty francs altogether. There is nobody else.”
Then Mathieu added up the items: “That makes sixty-two francs,” said he. “Take them away from three hundred, and we shall have two hundred and thirty-eight left. Eight francs a day at the utmost. Well, we have a nice month before us, with our four children to feed, particularly if little Rose should fall ill.”
The remark surprised his wife, who laughed gayly and confidently, saying: “Why, what is the matter with you tonight, my dear? You seem to be almost in despair, when as a rule you look forward to the morrow as full of promise. You have often said that it was sufficient to love life if one wished to live happily. As for me, you know, with you and the little ones I feel the happiest, richest woman in the world!”
At this Mathieu could restrain himself no longer. He shook his head and mournfully began to recapitulate the day he had just spent. At great length he relieved his long-pent-up feelings. He spoke of their poverty and the prosperity of others. He spoke of the Beauchenes, the Moranges, the Seguins, the Lepailleurs, of all he had seen of them, of all they had said, of all their scarcely disguised contempt for an improvident starveling like himself. He, Mathieu, and she, Marianne, would never have factory, nor mansion, nor mill, nor an income of twelve thousand francs a year; and their increasing penury, as the others said, had been their own work. They had certainly shown themselves imprudent, improvident. And he went on with his recollections, telling Marianne that he feared nothing for himself, but that he did not wish to condemn her and the little ones to want and poverty. She was surprised at first, and by degrees became colder, more constrained, as he told her all that he had upon his mind. Tears slowly welled into her eyes; and at last, however lovingly he spoke, she could no longer restrain herself, but burst into sobs. She did not question what he said, she spoke no words of revolt, but it was evident that her whole being rebelled, and that her heart was sorely grieved.
He started, greatly troubled when he saw her tears. Something akin to her own feelings came upon him. He was terribly distressed, angry with himself. “Do not weep, my darling!” he exclaimed as he pressed her to him: “it was stupid, brutal, and wrong of me to speak to you in that way. Don’t distress yourself, I beg you; we’ll think it all over and talk about it some other time.”
She ceased to weep, but she continued silent, clinging to him, with her head resting on his shoulder. And Mathieu, by the side of that loving, trustful woman, all health and rectitude and purity, felt more and more confused, more and more ashamed of himself, ashamed of having given heed to the base, sordid, calculating principles which others made the basis of their lives. He thought with loathing of the sudden frenzy which had possessed him during the evening in Paris. Some poison must have been instilled into his veins; he could not recognize himself. But honor and rectitude, clear-sightedness and trustfulness in life were fast returning. Through the window, which had remained open, all the sounds of the lovely spring night poured into the room. It was spring, the season of love, and beneath the palpitating stars in the broad heavens, from fields and forests and waters came the murmur of germinating life. And never had Mathieu more fully realized that, whatever loss may result, whatever difficulty may arise, whatever fate may be in store, all the creative powers of the world, whether of the animal order, whether of the order of the plants, for ever and ever wage life’s great incessant battle against death. Man alone, dissolute and diseased among all the other denizens of the world, all the healthful forces of nature, seeks death for death’s sake, the annihilation of his species. Then Mathieu again caught his wife in a close embrace, printing on her lips a long, ardent kiss.
“Ah! dear heart, forgive me; I doubted both of us. It would be impossible for either of us to sleep unless you forgive me. Well, let the others hold us in derision and contempt if they choose. Let us love and live as nature tells us, for you are right: therein lies true wisdom and true courage.”
V
MATHIEU rose noiselessly from his little folding iron bedstead beside the large one of mahogany, on which Marianne lay alone. He looked at her, and saw that she was awake and smiling.
“What! you are not asleep?” said he. “I hardly dared to stir for fear of waking you. It is nearly nine o’clock, you know.”
It was Sunday morning. January had come round, and they were in Paris. During the first fortnight in December the weather had proved frightful at Chantebled, icy rains being followed by snow and terrible cold. This rigorous temperature, coupled with the circumstance that Marianne was again expecting to become a mother, had finally induced Mathieu to accept Beauchene’s amiable offer to place at his disposal the little pavilion in the Rue de la Federation, where the founder of the works had lived before building the superb house on the quay. An old foreman who had occupied this pavilion, which still contained the simple furniture of former days, had lately died. And the young folks, desiring to be near their friend, worthy Dr. Boutan, had lived there for a month now, and did not intend to return to Chantebled until the first fine days in April.
“Wait a moment,” resumed Mathieu; “I will let the light in.”
He thereupon drew back one of the curtains, and a broad ray of yellow, wintry sunshine illumined the dim room. “Ah! there’s the sun! And it’s splendid weather — and Sunday too! I shall be able to take you out for a little while with the children this afternoon.”
Then Marianne called him to her, and, when he had seated himself on the bed, took hold of his hand and said gayly: “Well, I hadn’t been sleeping either for the last twenty minutes; and I didn’t move because I wanted you to lie in bed a little late, as it’s Sunday. How amusing to think that we were afraid of waking one another when we both had our eyes wide open!”
“Oh!” said he, “I was so happy to think you were sleeping. My one delight on Sundays now is to remain in this room all the morning, and spend the whole day with you and the children.” Then he uttered a cry of surprise and remorse: “Why! I haven’t kissed you yet.”
She had raised herself on her pillows, and he gave her an eager clasp. In the stream of bright sunshine