The Life and Most Surprising Adventures of Robinson Crusoe, of York, Mariner (1801). Даниэль ДефоЧитать онлайн книгу.
vision: and even when I awaked, this very dream made a deep impression upon my mind. The little divine knowledge I had, I received from my father's instructions, and that was worn out by an uninterrupted series of sea-faring impiety for eight years space. Except what sickness forced from me, I do not remember I had one thought of lifting up my heart towards God, but rather had a certain stupidity of soul, not having the least sense or fear of the Omnipotent Being when in distress, nor of gratitude to him for his deliverances. Nay, when I was on the desperate expedition on the desert African shore, I cannot remember I had one thought of what would become of me, or to beg his consolation and assistance in my sufferings and distress. When the Portugal captain took me up and honorably used me, nay, farther, when I was even delivered from drowning by escaping to this island, I never looked upon it as a judgment, but only said I was an unfortunate dog, and that's all. Indeed some secret transports of soul I had, which was not through grace but only a common flight of joy, that I was yet alive, when my companions were all drowned, and no other joy could I conceive but what is common with the sailors over a bowl of punch, after they have escaped the greatest dangers.
The likelihood of wanting for neither food nor conveniences, might have called upon me for a thankful acknowledgment to Providence. Indeed, the growth of my corn touched with some sense, but that soon wore off again. The terrible earthquake pointed to me, as it were, the finger of God, but my dreadful amazement continued no longer than its duration. But now, when my spirits began to sink under the burden of a strong distemper, and I could leisurely view the miseries of death present themselves before my eyes, then my awakened conscience began to reproach me with my past life, in which I had so wickedly provoked the justice of God to pour down his vengeance upon me.
Such reflections as these oppressed me even in the violence of distemper. Some prayers I uttered, which only proceeded from the fear of death. But when I considered my father's advice and prophecy, I could not forbear weeping; for he told me, That if I did persist in my folly, I should not only be deprived of God's blessing, but have time enough to reflect upon my despising his instructions, and this, in a wretched time, when none could help me. And now concluding it to be fulfilled, having no soul in the island to administer any comfort to me, I prayed earnestly to the Lord, that he would help me in this great calamity. And this, I think, was the first time I prayed in sincerity for many years. But now I must return to my journal.
June 28. Something refreshed with sleep, and the fit quite off, I got up. My dream still occasioned in me a great consternation; and, fearing that the ague might return the succeeding day, I concluded it time to get something to comfort me. I filled a case bottle with water, and set it within reach of my bed; and, to make it more nourishing and less chilly, I put some rum in it. The next thing I did was to broil me a piece of goat's flesh, of which I ate but little. I was very weak; however, walked about, dreading the return of my distemper; and at night I supped on three of the turtle's eggs, which I roasted and ate, begging God's blessing therewith.
After I had eaten, I attempted to walk again out of doors with my gun; but was so weak, that I sat down, and looked at the sea, which was smooth and calm. While I continued here, these thoughts came into my mind.
In what manner is the production of the earth and sea, of which I have seen so much? From whence came myself, and all other creatures living, and of what are they made?
Our beings were assuredly created by some almighty invisible Power, who framed the earth the sea, and air, and all therein. But what is that Power?
Certainly it must follow that God has created it all. Yet, said I, if God has made all this he must be the Ruler of them all, and what is relating thereto; for certainly the Power that makes, must indisputably have a power to guide and direct them. And if this be so, (as certainly it must) nothing can happen without his knowledge and appointment. Then, surely, if nothing happens without God's appointment, certainly God has appointed these my sufferings to befal me. And here I fixed my firm belief that it was his will that it should be so; and then proceeded to enquire, why should God deal with me in this manner? Or what have I done thus to deserve his indignation.
Here conscience flew in my face, reprehending me as a blasphemer; crying with a loud and piercing voice, Unworthy wretch! how dare you ask what you have done? Look on your past life, and see what you have left undone? Ask thyself, why thou wert not long ago in the merciless hands of death? Why not drowned in Yarmouth roads, or killed in the fight, when the ship was taken by the Sallee man of war? Why not entombed in the bowels of wild beasts on the African coast, or drowned here when all thy companions suffered shipwreck in the ocean.
Struck dumb with these reflections, I rose up in a pensive manner, being so thoughtful that I could not go to sleep; and fearing the dreadful return of my distemper, it caused me to remember, that the Brazilians use tobacco for almost all diseases. I then went to my chest in older to find some, where Heaven, no doubt, directed me to find a cure for both soul and body; for there I found one of the Bibles, which, till this time, I had neither leisure nor inclination to look into, I took both the tobacco and that out of the chest, and laid them on the table. Several experiments did I try with the tobacco: First, I took a piece or leaf, and chewed it; but it being very green and strong, almost stupified me. Next I steeped it in some rum an hour or two, resolving when I went to bed to take a dole of it: and, in the third place, I burnt some over a pan of fire, holding my nose over it as long as I could endure it without suffocation.
In the intervals of this operation, though my head was giddy and disturbed by the tobacco, I took up the Bible to read. No sooner did I open it, but there appeared to me these words Call on me in the day of trouble, and I will deliver thee, and thou shall glorify me.
At first this sentence made a very deep impression on my heart, but it soon wore off again, when I considered the word deliver was foreign to me. And as the children of Israel said, when they were promised flesh to eat, Can God spread a table in the wilderness? in like manner I began to say, Can God himself deliver me from this desolate island? However, the words would still return to my mind, and afterwards made a greater impression upon me. As it was now very late, and the tobacco had dazed my head, I was inclined to sleep: but before I would lie down I fell on my knees, and implored the promise that God had made to me in the Holy Scriptures, that if I called upon him in the day of trouble he would deliver me. With much difficulty I afterwards drank the rum wherein I had steeped the tobacco, which flying into my head, threw me into such a profound sleep, that it was three o'clock the next day before I awaked; or rather, I believe, I slept two days, having certainly lost a day in my account, and I could never tell any other way. When I got up, my spirits were lively and cheerful; my stomach much better, being very hungry; and, in short, no fit returned the next day, which was the 29th, but I found myself much altered for the better.
The 30th, I went abroad with my gun, but not far, and killed a sea-fowl or two, resembling a brand goose, which, however, I cared not to eat when I brought them home, but dined on two more of the turtle's eggs. In the evening I renewed my medicine, excepting that I did not take so large a quantity, neither did I chew the leaf, or hold my head over the smoke: but the next day, which was the 1st of July, having a little return of the cold fit, I again took my medicine as I did the first time.
July 3. The fit quite left me, but very weak. In this condition, I often thought of these words, I will deliver thee; and while, at some times, I would think of the impossibility of it, other thoughts would reprehend me for disregarding the deliverances I had received, even from the most forlorn and distressed condition. I asked myself, what regard have I had to God for his abundant mercies? Have I done my part: He has delivered me, but I have not glorified him:--as if I had said, I had not owned and been thankful for these as deliverances, and how could I expect greater? So much did this sensibly touch my heart, that I gave God thanks for my recovery from weakness in the most humble prostration.
July 4. This morning I began seriously to ponder on what is written in the New Testament, resolving to read a chapter every morning and night as long an my thoughts would engage me. As soon as I set about this work seriously, I found my heart deeply affected with the impiety of my past life; these words that I thought were spoken to me in my dream revived, All these things have not brought thee to repentance. After this, I begged of God to assist me with his Holy Spirit