My Individualism and the Philosophical Foundations of Litera. Natsume SosekiЧитать онлайн книгу.
When we imitate Westerners and make a lot of noise about nothing, it only brings us anxiety. So if I endeavored to explain to people why they should not let themselves be thus influenced, telling them it was better that they should not act like Westerners, not only would I feel I was doing the right thing but they too would benefit greatly. That is what I thought. Then I decided to dedicate my life’s work to carrying out this plan by writing books and in other ways.
At that moment, my anxiety disappeared completely and I began to explore the city of London with a light heart. To put it metaphorically, my pickaxe had finally struck a rich seam. Let me add, at the risk of repeating myself that the path I had to take, which until then had been shrouded in mist, was now clear to me.
By the time this light dawned within me, more than a year of my stay in England had passed. It was impossible for me to accomplish my plan while I was still abroad, so I resolved to collect as much material as I could and to complete my work when I returned to Japan. By pure chance, I would return to my country with a strength that I did not have when I left it.
However, as soon as I arrived back in Japan, I had to take steps to ensure that I could earn a living. I started giving lessons in a Postgraduate School and I also taught at the university. As this still left me without enough money, I also worked in a private school. To crown it all, I lost my nerve and I was forced in the end to publish trivial articles in magazines. Because of the burden of these various tasks, I had to abandon a project that I was halfway through. The Theory of Literature that I had published seemed not so much to represent the work I wanted to accomplish as to be the remnants of a defeat. It was like a deformed child, or, rather, it was like the ruins of an unfinished city which had been destroyed by an earthquake before it had been completely built.
However, that idea of concentration on myself, which appeared at the time I have spoken of, never left me for one moment. Indeed, as the years passed, it grew stronger. The plan to create my life’s work had met with failure. However, the conviction that I acquired at that time, that the Ego is the essential ingredient and that others are merely secondary, brings me today great self-confidence and a deep feeling of peace. It seems as if this is what allows me, even now, to continue to live. In fact, it is perhaps thanks to this strength that I can stand on this platform and give you this lecture.
Up to now, I have really only summarized my experience for you, but, in an excess of concern for you, the idea behind my story is that you should identify in it some relationship to your own situation. You will all leave this establishment and go out into the world. For many of you, this will not be for some time; several of you will soon start to work in society. But I presume that you are all likely to repeat my experience; that is to say, you yourselves will feel the same anguish that I once endured (even if it is of a different nature). I think there must be many among you who are very angry because you want to find an opening somewhere but cannot; you would like to grasp something firmly but you grip only a smooth bald head.
If some of you have already found an opening in some way, you must be exceptional cases. There are also those who satisfy themselves by following a traditional path, and I would not say that there is anything wrong with that, if it brings them inner peace and confidence in themselves. But if you have no support, you must go on whatever the cost until you reach the place where, as you dig with your pickaxe, you discover a seam. You must go on, because if you do not find the seam, you will spend all your life in an uncomfortable situation, treading water, not knowing what to do. If I lay so much stress on my own example, it is so that you will not be plunged into perplexity: it is not in any way to propose myself as a model. However normal I may seem, I know that I have managed to make my own way, and if you think my way is absurd, your observations and criticisms will not harm me. I think that I am satisfied with the path I have chosen, but let there be no misunderstanding between us! This path has given me satisfaction and peace of mind, and has enabled me to have confidence in myself, but I do not at all believe that, because of this, the path that I have followed can act as a model for you.
In any case, I can certainly detect in you the same type of anxiety that I experienced. Is that true? If it is, ten years, twenty years, sometimes a whole lifetime will be needed to find something tangible at last. “There it is! I have finally found the way that I should follow! I have finally reached my destination!” When these exclamations are yours, you should find peace of mind. When you utter these words, an infallible confidence in yourself will make you hold your head up high. Perhaps a number of you have already reached this stage. But if there are some among you who are tormented by the mist and thick fog that have risen in your path, whatever sacrifice you are driven to, you will be satisfied, I think, when you reach your destination. It is not a question of working only for the good of the country or of your family; it is something that is absolutely essential for happiness.
If you have already taken a similar path to mine, what I have to say will be of little use to you, but if any obstacle appears in your path you must overcome it, or otherwise, regrettably, you will fail. Of course, the mere fact of going forward does not mean that you have taken the right direction. There is nothing else to do but walk until you find something tangible. I have no desire to remonstrate with you, but as I think that your future happiness depends on this process, I cannot remain silent on the subject. I am giving this speech because it seems to me that it would be unpleasant for you to find yourselves in a situation where you felt like you were floating between two currents, with your nerves as weak as sea cucumbers, making you completely irresolute and preventing you from understanding your problems in depth. If you tell me that it is not unpleasant for you to experience such a state, then I have nothing to add, and if you tell me that you have successfully passed through this unpleasant trial, that is also very good. I pray with all my strength that you will pass these tests successfully.
However, as far as I am concerned, after I left university I did not manage to extricate myself honorably from this situation until I was thirty. Obviously this caused me inevitable suffering, and it persisted year after year. That is why, if anyone among you is affected by a condition similar to my own, I cannot help hoping with all my heart that he will valiantly follow his chosen path. I permit myself to say this because, when you reach your final destination, you will finally discover a place of which you can say, “I can truly rest peacefully here!”; you will have peace of mind and you will gain confidence in yourself for your whole life.
What I have told you up to now constitutes the first part of this lecture. Let us now embark on the second part. The Gakushōin is generally considered to be an institution that receives people who have the benefit of a comfortable social position, and that is certainly the strict truth. If, according to my assumption, the great mass of poor people do not enter this establishment but, rather, children from good families, or from the upper classes, are assembled here, the first thing that is appropriate to mention, of all the aspects of your life in the years to come, concerns the exercise of power. In other words, when you get a job, you will clearly have more power at your disposal than poor people.
I said earlier that you must persevere until you reach, thanks to your efforts, a destination that brings you happiness and peace of mind. However, why do we thus strive for happiness and peace of mind? Well, in all probability, you will reach that stage when you find your chosen way and find yourself for the first time confronted by your individuality, which has been yours since your birth. Once you have found your path, if you pursue it with determination your individuality will develop little by little. When your individuality and your professional activity are in perfect harmony, you may say for the first time that you are satisfied with your life.
When I analyze this notion of “power,” which I mentioned, I realize that what we call “power” is an instrument that allows us to infiltrate ourselves to some extent into the head of someone else. If the fact of describing power as an “instrument” seems too blunt to you, let us say that is something that can be used as an instrument.
The power of money accompanies power in the strict sense of the term. It is inevitable, ladies and gentlemen, that you hold this power too, and in a much more clearly defined manner, than poor people. If I look at the power of money within the same framework that I used to analyze power in general, well, this seems to me to be an extremely useful instrument in enlarging the field of one’s own individuality by seducing or suborning others.
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