Late Stories. Stephen DixonЧитать онлайн книгу.
it was dark out.
So he’s finished his walk and is sitting on what he’s begun to call, in his daily phone conversations with his daughters, his bench. “What’d I do today?”—he always speaks to them in the evening, an hour or so after his walk. “I wrote and went to the Y, of course, and took a walk and sat on my bench and read.” It’s early April, around six-thirty, a bit chilly. Daylight Saving Time started a week ago. The sun’s out but setting. Cherry trees around the church are in full flower—a little early, but what does he know? No cars in the church’s small parking lot the bench also faces, and no people around, which is usually what it’s like out here at this time. He does hear children’s voices from somewhere far off, and a car or pickup truck occasionally passes. But that’s about it for distractions and noises. Oh, a jogger and a woman walking two dogs also went by, but that’s all, or all he saw. So: a peaceful place to sit and think or read. He did bring a book with him—a short biography of Maxim Gorky, one of about two hundred books his wife had on Russian literature in her study and which are still there. But he isn’t interested in reading anymore of it after reading the first thirty pages last night in bed. So why’d he take it on his walk? It was on the dryer by the kitchen door leading to the outside, where he’d left it this morning; he hadn’t decided what book he was going to read next, so he just grabbed it before he left the house. He sets it beside him on the bench. When he gets home he’ll stick it back in the bookcase he got it out of. So, nothing to read, really, he closes his eyes. See what comes, he thinks. Nothing does. Just letters and numbers bouncing around in his head, then a vertical line moving right to left, right to left, and then flashing, like lightning, but he doesn’t know what it is. Maybe lightning. He opens his eyes and looks at the sky, then at the two houses across the street, and finds himself humming something over and over for a couple of minutes. Liszt’s “Liebesträum.” Just the beginning of it. He doesn’t know the whole piece. Why’s he humming it, and now? Well, nothing else to do. No, there’s got to be a better reason than that. It doesn’t just come out of nowhere. Sure, it’s a beautiful piece of music when played on the piano—not with the mouth sounds he was making—or even the cello, meaning he once heard it played on the cello at a concert, but long ago. Before he met his wife. Did she play it on the piano? Doesn’t think so. Or she might have—she knew lots of pieces for piano—but she never played it while he was around. And if she played something—well, he was going to say she practiced it till she could play it without reading the music, and in that time he just about got to know it by heart too. But that doesn’t make the sense he wanted it to—to explain why he would have had to have heard her play it, if she did.
Then he remembers. Esther, a concert pianist who was also her piano teacher at the time, played the entire third “Liebesträume,” the one he was humming, in the living room of their New York apartment before their wedding ceremony began. As a warm-up, or to prepare the guests for the ceremony, perhaps. Then she went into her interpretation of Mendelssohn’s “Wedding March,” which was the signal for his wife to walk slowly out of their bedroom with her bridesmaid and stand in front of the rabbi with him for the ceremony. He burst out crying right after the rabbi pronounced them married, was told by the rabbi and several guests “Kiss the bride, kiss the bride,” and he wiped his cheeks and eyes with his handkerchief, kissed her and thought this is the happiest moment in his life. And it was and continued to be so for around eight months, till the happiest moment in his life took place in the birthing room of a Baltimore hospital when his wife gave birth to their first child.
This is where I always get stuck. I know where I want to go from here but I just can’t seem to get there or even much started. I thought a few times maybe I should chuck the third person and do the whole thing in first and that will help me. And then I always think no, it won’t, so don’t. Stick with third; it feels right, and that’s what you have to rely on. I want him to explain why the moment their first child born became the happiest in his life and the moment they were declared man and wife dropped down a notch to the second happiest. And then to briefly give the third happiest moment, and maybe why it became that. And then the fourth, and so on, right up to the ninth or tenth, all of the last part taking up no more than three or four pages, and that would be it unless something else came to end it between now and then.
What I had in mind was something like this: The birth of their first child became the happiest moment in his life for a number of reasons, and by “moment” he means moments, hours, even the day. He’d wanted a child for about fifteen years. Impregnated three women in that time but none of them wanted to marry him or have the baby. They all thought he’d make a good father but that he’d never earn enough money to keep a family going, and had abortions. More important was that his wife was going through a difficult delivery in the hospital. It had been more than thirty hours since she went into labor and it had become extremely uncomfortable, exhausting and painful for her. Most important of all, her obstetrician—“Dr. Martha” she wanted to be called—said the baby’s breathing was at risk after so long a delivery and the position in the birth canal she was frozen in—her head or maybe it was a shoulder was caught on something there—and she’ll give a natural birth one last try with forceps and if that doesn’t work, she’ll have to do a cesarean. Fortunately, she was an expert with forceps and turned the baby over inside the birth canal and eased her out. So it was the relief after so many hours that the baby had come out alive and healthy and his wife was all right and had been able to avoid surgery and that he finally had a child, that made it the happiest moment in his life, and which it still is after nearly thirty years.
His third happiest moment was when their second child was born. He’s not sure why it’s not his second happiest moment, but it isn’t. It’s just a feeling he has. There wasn’t any anxiety or relief involved in the birth because there wasn’t any difficulty in the delivery. She felt something at home, calmly said to him “I think it’s started,” they drove calmly to the hospital, thinking they had plenty of time, and she had the baby in less than a total of two hours from the time she felt it starting till the head and shoulders emerged. “That’s about as quick a delivery as you can get,” Dr. Martha said, “unless there’s no labor and the sac’s already broken without anyone noticing and the mother gives birth while she’s cooking dinner at home or being driven to the hospital.”
His fourth happiest moment came during the first day of their two-day honeymoon at an inn in Connecticut, when the pregnancy kit they brought with them tested positive. She screamed and shrieked and then said “Sorry, this is so unlike me, and what will the other guests think? But aren’t you as happy?” “Sure, what do you think?” and they hugged and kissed and danced around their room and then went downstairs and at the bar there shared a split of champagne. “My last drink till the little sweetie comes,” she said, and he said “Why? You can have a little for a couple of months.” “After two miscarriages with my first husband? No. I’m going to be extra overcautious. In the future you can drink my glass if anyone pours me one.”
His fifth happiest moment was in January, 1965, when The Atlantic Monthly took a short story of his, almost twenty years to the month before their second child was born. He was on a writing fellowship in California, had just come back from a month’s stay with his family in New York. Lots of mail was waiting for him. He’d only had two stories published before then, or one published and the other accepted, both with little magazines. Rejection, rejection, rejection, he saw, by the bulge in each of the nine-by-twelve-inch manila envelopes he’d sent with the stories. He opened the regular letter envelope from The Atlantic Monthly, assuming they didn’t bother to send back his story with their rejection slip in the stamped return envelope as the others had. In it was the acceptance letter from an editor, with an apology for keeping the story so long. He shouted “Oh my gosh; I can’t believe it. They took my story,” and he knocked on the door of the political science graduate student who lived in the room next to his. “I’m sorry; did I wake you? But I got to tell you this. The Atlantic Monthly took a story of mine and is giving me six-hundred bucks for it. We have to go out and celebrate, on me.”
The sixth happiest moment was nine years later. He was walking upstairs to his New York apartment with a woman he’d recently met. By that time—fifteen years after he’d started writing—he had eight stories published, about a hundred-fifty written, no book yet. “Another