Forbidden Falls. Робин КаррЧитать онлайн книгу.
a whole bunch of names. You don’t snap to attention, and you’re called stupid and idiot. Don’t rinse the dishes and wipe the table just perfect, you go to bed without stories or playtime. There’s no TV in the house, no talking at the table, no playing outside unless an adult is standing over you. No sleeping together—that’s dirty.” Her eyes watered. “Trevor is only four! And even when I did manage to get a place where they had their own room, they were always crawling in with me! It’s what kids do!”
Noah couldn’t move. She was pushing some buttons he didn’t feel like having pushed. He started hearing his father’s voice. What do I ask of you besides respect and decency? You have to learn discipline and restraint for your own good before you’re completely lost! No dessert/football/summer camp/TV/friends/et cetera et cetera et cetera!
Her voice lowered and calmed. “Danielle is only eight, and she’s expected to make sure everything is perfectly tidy and clean. And if it isn’t exactly how he wants it, which she’s just too young to do, he calls her names and takes away privileges.” Her laugh had a hollowing. “They’re not things I call privileges—like dinner? Like reading before bed? A privilege? I call it a necessity. How’s Danielle going to grow up smarter than me if she doesn’t get to read?”
Noah cleared his throat. “And this is better for them than a mother who dances for a living?”
She shrugged and looked down for a second. “It was the kind of dancing I did, I guess.” But she met his eyes when she said, “I don’t see the problem. It’s not like I took the kids to the club. It’s not an illegal place.”
“And the judge awarded custody to their stepfather?”
Her lips curved in a cynical smile. “The judge isn’t such a good tipper, either,” she said.
Noah felt sick. He put down his fork. “How did the judge figure in this, Ellie? Did you know him before?”
“He came into the club sometimes. He asked to buy me dinner a few times and I said no—he’s an old man! And besides, we don’t date customers. I explained that, but he wasn’t happy with the answer. But he fixed me, didn’t he?”
“Did the judge tell you that if you found a ‘proper’ job, you could have custody again?”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “He said he couldn’t, in good conscience, leave the children in the hands of a stripper when there was a better alternative. All he knows about Arnie is that he’s a principal for a private school. He doesn’t know the real Arnie. The real Arnie can have a mean mouth on him. The judge said this was just temporary—he’d look at the custody again in ninety days.” She glanced away. “Eighty-two and counting.”
“Are you seeing your kids?”
She nodded and that’s when things fell apart for her; she couldn’t keep the tears back. One big one rolled down each cheek. “Every Saturday, just during the day. They can’t even spend the night with me. They’ve never been away from me before. I’ve never spent a single night away from them since they were born, except to work! Do you know the only reason why I haven’t done something like snatch them and run? Because Arnie is obsessed with winning, with having his way. I believe he’d hunt me down and have me locked up. And that would be even worse for the kids than this.”
Noah’s pie sat untouched, as well. He didn’t feel so hot. “Have you tried to get help, Ellie? Like legal aid?”
“Sure,” she said. “They were very nice to me. But there’s not a lot they can do with the decision at this point. Their advice was to try to find an acceptable job. They said they’d go back to court with me, maybe even sooner than ninety days, and they’d make sure I got my kids back. And make sure Arnie didn’t get any visitation—we were only married three months and they’re not his kids. Once I have my kids back legally, I’m running for my life. I’ll go as far as I have to go. I’ll change our names. I’m never letting something like this happen to them again. I made a lot of mistakes … I know I’m not the best mother—the best mother wouldn’t dance for strange men. But I love my kids. I take as good care of them as I can and I love them. And they are, for God’s sake, going to be able to read before bed!”
He smiled at her. “I think that’s something a good mother would insist on.”
“I try. I do everything I can. What else you going to do? It’s really hard when you have to work two jobs. At least at the club, I didn’t have to have a second job to make ends meet. And it was a job I could do while they were asleep.”
“Ellie, do you mind if I ask—how old are you?”
“Twenty-five.”
Well, she said she had them too young, he thought. “Where’s their biological dad?”
She shook her head and heaved a defeated sigh. “Oh, what the hell, you’re not giving me that church job anyway. A church job would really kick ass, but—” She took a breath. “This is all part of that Secret Keeping 101, right?”
“You bet.”
“I got pregnant in high school and then my boyfriend got killed in a motorcycle accident before we could even get married. It took me a long time to pick up the pieces and then I made my second big mistake—Trevor’s daddy went to prison when I was just barely pregnant. Robbery. He had a cigar lighter that looked exactly like a gun—how about that? He decided to play a joke on a store owner and ask for the bank deposit. We don’t have any contact at all and never will. And then, as if I couldn’t be smart even once in my life, I married Arnie Gunterson.”
“Wow,” Noah said. “Why’d you marry him?”
“Come on, he didn’t act crazy when I was getting to know him. He was real nice. And he offered me something I’d never had before—a chance to live in a real house and stay home to take care of my kids. He treated me careful, with respect. He never even tried anything, he was saving himself for marriage—remind me never to fall for that one again! I didn’t know there was anything wrong with him. I mean, I knew he wasn’t fun. But the last fun one, Chip, was a laugh a minute, all the way to jail.” She took a breath. “Honest to God, I don’t even know why Arnie wants me. I wasn’t married to him for three days before he started acting all jealous, asking every day if I talked to any men, acting as if he didn’t even really like me. But he wanted me there, in his house, taking orders. And I don’t take orders very well. I must have been like a bad dream to him and he still wouldn’t let me go.
“But you know what? I’m going to figure this out. I’m going to get on my feet, get my kids back, and we’re going to be fine. There have been three men in my life, one of ‘em dead and two of ‘em too lousy to talk about, and that’s the total number of men there ever will be until I drop dead. How’s that? I don’t care what it takes, I’m getting ahead of this. My gramma always used to say the stuff that doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Pastor Kincaid, meet Hercules Baldwin.”
Right away Noah’s thought was, You might’ve sworn off men, but I bet they haven’t sworn off you—not with
that face and body. Shew. He was starting to feel a little warm. Let me seek to understand rather than to be understood. Where there is despair, let me offer hope. And dear God, could you please get her to cover up that cleavage for a while?
“Look, Your Reverence, I just need a job like this for ninety days. That’s all. Maybe even less. I just have to convince the judge I’m a good mother, that I have a proper job, and then I’ll get out of your hair.”
“You know the judge shouldn’t have been able to take them from you without a pretty exhaustive investigation, right? You know he overstepped his authority, right? Did the legal-aid people explain all that?” Noah asked her.
“That the judge went his own way on this because he could?” she asked. “Oh, yeah, I know he was just screwing with me. And it was also explained that challenging him right now could