Her Baby Wish. Patricia ThayerЧитать онлайн книгу.
the guilt had been what drove her, caused her to keep pushing Trace away.
The familiar sadness blanketed her. With each passing month her fertility problems had loomed ever darker. With the endometriosis, her chances diminished daily until the day would come when she’d probably need more surgery to relieve her of the recurring scar tissue.
But with the passing of time, her dreams seemed to be fading anyway, along with her marriage.
The sound of the back door opening caught Kira’s attention. Living this far out in the country, she knew it could only be Jonah Calhoun, the ranch foreman. Or Trace. Her heart raced as she waited, and her hopes were rewarded when her husband walked into the kitchen.
She tried to breathe but it was difficult. Trace McKane still affected her in the same way he had when she’d first met him. It was obvious he had just showered and put on a fresh shirt and jeans. Hope spread through her as she realized he might have done it for her.
“Hi,” she managed. “Would you like a cup of coffee?”
He nodded. “I could use one.” He walked to the counter and took the steaming mug she offered. Then Kira picked up her cup and started for the table.
“I thought caffeine was bad for your condition,” he said.
She was touched that he remembered. “I usually don’t drink it, but tonight I have work to finish. I need all the help I can get to stay alert.”
“I guess school is getting out soon. So it looks like it’s going to be a busy time for both of us.” He drank from his cup, then studied her. She felt the heat of his silver gaze spread over her, warming her. She hated they were talking so politely, when she desperately wanted him to take her into his arms and tell her he wanted to move back permanently to be her husband and father to her baby.
He glanced away. “Cal wants to know if you’re still planning the senior roundup to be here this year.”
She nodded. “I hope to. The kids have been talking about it for weeks. That is, if it’s okay with you?”
He shrugged. “Not a problem. Cal just wants a head count so we’ll know how many hands we need to hire.”
Trace leaned against the counter, trying to relax. Impossible. Since his dad’s death three years ago, he’d had to run the cattle operation mostly on his own.
“Do you have a date set for the roundup?” she asked.
“In two weeks.”
She nodded. “That’s perfect. Graduation will be over, so we don’t have to worry about interrupting study time.”
Trace hated the silence lingering between them. What he hated most of all was feeling like a stranger in his own house, a stranger to his wife.
“Have you given any thought to what we talked about?” she finally asked him.
“It’s kind of hard not to.” He shifted his weight trying to ease the tightness in his chest. “You tell a man you want to adopt a child, and in the same breath give him his walking papers.”
“I’m sorry, Trace. I never wanted it to turn out this way. But in the end it might be best for both of us.”
He heard the tears in her voice. “Is it really that easy, Kira? Well, it’s not for me. If I agree I also sign papers for this child. I’m responsible for him or her, too.”
“Trace, I know I’m asking a lot.”
“No, you don’t,” he interrupted her. “You’re asking me to move back into the house and take responsibility for a child, then just to walk away.”
She wanted more, so much more from him. But she couldn’t ask for another chance. “I don’t expect to have things be like they once were. Yes, we have to live in the same house, but if we’re lucky enough to get a baby, I’ll handle all the child’s needs. I won’t ask for any help.”
He was silent for a long time. “And after the six months, I sign away all rights to the child.”
He made it sound so calculating. She managed a nod.
He cursed and turned away.
“Please, Trace, I’m afraid if we tell the agency we’re not together now, then later, I’ll have to start from the beginning as a single parent.”
He drove his fingers through his hair. “I’m not sure I can do this, Kira.”
She bit down on her lower lip. “Please, I want this opportunity, Trace. It might be my last chance.”
Trace fought to control his anger. It had always been about a baby. What about them? Why couldn’t she offer to work out their problems? Instead of wanting to push him aside when he wasn’t needed any more.
“Trace, I don’t magically expect us to return to our roles of husband and wife. I’ll move into the guest room and you can have your bedroom back.”
This was all so crazy. Trace wasn’t sure if he could resist Kira, living under the same roof. If he moved back into the house now, it’d be damn difficult to resist going to her bed.
He placed his coffee mug in the sink, then went to her, bracing his hands on either side of her. He stared into those honey-brown eyes, knowing there were secrets hidden in their depths. Secrets she wouldn’t share with anyone, not even with him. “You talk about this situation like it’s a business transaction. I have my doubts about us being able to pull this off.”
She swallowed hard, but didn’t speak.
His attention went to her mouth, tempting him like no woman ever had. His heart raced and his gut tightened. He ached to taste her, to stir up those feelings that made him crazy with need. It had been so long.
“Trace.” Her voice was a throaty whisper as her hand came up to his face. “Can’t we try?”
Her sultry voice swept over him like a caress. He closed his eyes, picturing her in their bed, willing and wanton, welcoming his kisses, his touches as he moved over her heated body.
“Damn you, Kira.” His mouth closed over hers in a hungry kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he jerked her against his body already hard with desire. Her mouth opened on a sigh, and he dove inside to taste her. He moved against her, hungry for the contact. It wasn’t enough, he needed all of her.
But Kira couldn’t give it to him. Would they ever be able to be what the other needed?
He broke off the kiss and stepped back. “I’ve got to go.” He headed to the door only to have her call to him.
He didn’t turn around, knowing he’d weaken to her request. “Kira, I need more time.”
“Please, Trace.” She hesitated. “Just keep up the pretense that we’re married until you decide what to do.”
In his heart Trace would always be married to Kira. He’d loved her since the moment he laid eyes on her. That hadn’t changed. But could he hang around and watch their marriage die a slow agonizing death?
He faced her. “So you expect me live in limbo until the adoption goes through?” The words stuck in his throat.
She blinked, looking surprised. “No. I’m asking if you would give it six months until they give us permanent custody. After that I won’t try to hold you, or make you responsible for the child. I’ll move into town and not ask anything more of you. As soon as I get another counseling job, I’ll move away.”
Damn, there it was. She couldn’t say it any plainer. The chant rang repeatedly in his head. She only wants a child. “You’re asking a lot, Kira.”
“I know,” was all she said in her defense.
“What do I get out of this deal? What are you willing to give me?”
She blinked at his question, but soon recovered. Her arms tightened