Wild Horses. Claire McEwenЧитать онлайн книгу.
Now she wished that she’d let him return home on his own. That she’d just offered financial support—a check in the mail from someplace far away from Todd.
She realized, suddenly, that Wade hadn’t moved, either. They were sitting in the truck in silence—except for the noise of Wade’s fingers tapping restlessly on the steering wheel.
“You’re angry.” She stared at him in surprise. Wade rarely got angry with her. Or anyone.
“Yeah, I guess so.” Her brother looked straight ahead, not at her.
“Why?”
“Because you never told me about him.” He turned to face her then, his dark brown eyes narrowed in frustration. “He dumped you, didn’t he? Right after college. Right before you took me with you to Nevada.”
“So?” She didn’t want to talk about that time. Didn’t want to remember how lost she’d felt. “It was none of your concern.”
“Yes, it was. I’m your brother. We lived together. You think I didn’t notice how sad you were? That I didn’t wonder why you got up every morning with red eyes?”
“You could have asked.” She sounded like the sullen teenager that he’d been back then. But she was ashamed at the memories—at the way she’d totally fallen apart.
“I did ask, Nora! You told me you had allergies, but I never bought that. You wouldn’t choose to be a plant biologist if you had hay fever. I never could figure out what was wrong.”
Nora smiled faintly at his logical conclusion. “I didn’t know you were worried.”
“I heard you crying. A lot. I thought maybe it was all the stuff that was happening with Dad. Or having to take care of me.”
She turned in her seat to face him then, and touched his shoulder gently. “I never minded taking care of you.”
“I just worried that...well...” He glanced away for a moment. “I was a brat.”
“You were a teenager, and I took you away from your hometown, so of course you acted out. But you were my brat, you know?” She reached over and ruffled his short hair. “You were my family.”
He glared at her, refusing to be teased out of his frustration. “Then, you should have told me what was really going on.”
He was probably right. But she didn’t want to admit it. “I guess I figured my little brother didn’t need to know the details of my love life.”
“A three-year relationship is more than a detail, Nora. And it might have explained a lot. About how you were.”
She didn’t want to talk about those dark days. “I was fine.” She glared at Wade, daring him to challenge her lie.
Her brother just shook his head.
“Okay, I wasn’t fine,” she admitted. “But I was embarrassed that I was such a mess. Plus, I didn’t think you’d care that your boring older sister got dumped.”
“I did care. I still do.” Wade glanced at her, then away again. “I’ve noticed that you never go out with anyone for long. Is Todd the reason for that?”
“No!” He’d put into words what worried her, but accepting that, saying it out loud, would make it real. She refused to be that pathetic. “I guess I never told you about Todd because I wanted to keep him separate from the rest of my life, you know? Because of Dad and Arch and Blake.”
Wade was silent for a moment, fingers drumming again. “So you fell in love with pretty boy there, but never told him where you were from or what you’d been through. Or about how you were taking care of me?”
“Trust me, he’s not pretty. Not to me, at least, not anymore.” Saying it out loud was the first step to believing it. “But yes, I fell in love. And I never told him anything about our family.”
“I don’t know much about relationships, sis, but I know that’s not a very good foundation for one.” Wade shook his head and looked at her with dismay.
He was right. She’d been ridiculously private. Love couldn’t thrive with so many secrets. “I didn’t want him to see me the way everyone else always had, as poor Nora Hoffman from the crazy family. College was a chance to just be me, without all that baggage.”
“I guess it makes sense, in a twisted kind of way.” He gave her that dismayed look again. “And you broke up because...”
“After college he wanted to work in the Amazon rain forest. To stop the deforestation.”
“Why didn’t you go with him? It sounds like something that would’ve been right up your alley.”
She remembered how much she’d wanted to. How her sorrow over losing Todd had been mixed with jealousy and regret and resentment. “I didn’t go because of money. Those jobs pay nothing. The only reason Todd could go was because his family is rich and he didn’t need to work. He could afford a job like that. I couldn’t. I needed to be practical.”
“And support me.” He looked grim. “Your baggage.”
“No!” She smacked him then, lightly, on the shoulder. Like she used to when they were kids. “You weren’t the reason I didn’t go, Wade. I couldn’t have survived on the tiny stipend they were offering. No one could. Plus, I had that great fellowship at the University of Nevada for my graduate work. It made sense to accept it, and I was happy to take you with me. You needed to get out of Benson.”
“You saved me, you know. If you hadn’t done that, I’d probably be hiding out in Mexico with our brothers right now, doing God knows what.”
It would have broken her heart if he’d become like them. “You were always a good kid, Wade. You would have found your way even if I hadn’t stepped in.”
“But I wasn’t finding my way. I was stealing cars. The one I got caught with? It wasn’t the first.”
Tension crept up Nora’s neck, and all the aches from her fall last night started to throb. “I didn’t know. But I’m glad it was your last.”
“Me, too. Like I said, you saved me.”
She’d never heard her brother speak so emotionally. And it gave her the chance to say what she’d wanted to ever since he’d come home from war just weeks ago. “I’m proud of you, you know. So proud of what you did in Afghanistan. And of what you’re trying to do here, with the ranch.”
“It’s nothing.” His expression changed, snapped shut almost as clearly as if he’d slammed a door in her face. It happened every time she brought up the war.
“It’s not nothing! It takes guts to come back to Benson. I wouldn’t have—”
“Except I asked you to,” he finished. He looked straight at her then. “You know I really appreciate this, right? You’ve always been there for me, and here you are again.”
“I want to be here. I missed you while you were away. And, coincidentally, I’d just got the contract to do this plant study, so I was planning to be in the area anyway.” It was a lie—but just a small one. She’d found the job after Wade had asked her to come home. He didn’t need to know that.
He also didn’t need to know how worried she’d been—and still was. She’d read the news articles about combat veterans feeling lost once they got home. Ex-soldiers turning to drugs, becoming homeless or even committing suicide. And all her old protective instincts had kicked in. No way would she let any of that happen to Wade.
So here she was. And if this ranch was his dream, then she’d do anything she could to help it be a success. She’d even face Todd Williams tonight in a bar. Hopefully it would give her some closure—enough peace of mind that when she saw him around town it would simply be like seeing any other person she used to know.
Wade