Modern Romance October 2019 Books 5-8. Annie WestЧитать онлайн книгу.
wanted to believe him, but pain was slashing her from all angles.
‘But she was in my mind that night. She was a heaviness inside me.’ He expelled a long, slow breath. ‘That island is where I met her. On New Year’s Eve, and it’s where I proposed to her. I go there every New Year because I’m a sadist and it’s my particular brand of torture. And this year, you walked in and for a moment, I felt like I’d slipped back in time…’
A sob filled Hannah’s chest. She was such an idiot! She’d been falling in love with this man, and he’d been living with a ghost.
She groaned, spinning away from him blindly.
He moved after her, gripping her arm, holding her gently, turning her around to face him. ‘But that’s not why I slept with you.’
His eyes held hers. Even when she wanted to blink away, she couldn’t. She was transfixed. Talk about sadism.
‘No?’ The word was just a whisper. She cleared her throat. ‘So why did you?’
‘I wanted you, Hannah. I’ve wanted you since that night. I’ve been tormented by how much I wanted you. And I’ve hated myself for that. When Amy was killed, I was furious. I swore I would never forget her, never move on with my life. I resisted any woman, any connection with anyone, until you. Even wanting you physically is a betrayal of what I promised myself, of what I owe Amy.’
His words were dragged from him.
‘I had a family, Hannah, and they were murdered because of me. Do you think I have any right to close that book and pick up a new one? To simply move on because you’re here and pregnant with my child?’
Hannah’s heart broke a little more, but for Leonidas this time. He was trapped by his grief, and she couldn’t fight that for him. He alone could forgive himself, could work out how to love Hannah and their daughter while still holding Amy and Brax in his heart.
Hannah looked down at the photograph of Amy, and felt a sense of kindredness with this woman, this poor woman. They had both loved the same man, and it bonded them in some way. Hannah handed the photo to Leonidas with an expression that was pure sympathy.
‘What would she want?’
He shook his head slowly. ‘Amy would want me to be happy.’
Hannah’s heart chirruped a little. She stepped forward, so their legs brushed, and she lifted her hands to his chest. ‘Then be happy, Leonidas. You’ll never stop loving Amy and Brax, and I don’t want you to. They’re a part of you, and I want them to be a part of our lives. I want to hear more about the little boy who made you laugh, I want to hear about him, I want you to keep him alive within me and one day his sister. You can’t live in stasis for ever. I’m here, and I love you, and I’m asking you to open yourself up to this. To look inside your heart and see that I’m there, too.’
She dropped her hands to his, finding his wrists and lifting his palms to her belly. ‘I’m asking you to marry me today because you love me, not because you’re worried I’ll be hurt, not because I’m pregnant. Marry me because you don’t want to live your life without me in it.’
He stared at her as though he were drowning, but she was too far away to help him.
He stared at her as though nothing and no one could ever help him. As though he didn’t want to be saved.
‘I didn’t suggest this because I wanted it,’ he said, finally, his voice hoarse. ‘I can’t bear to be the reason someone else is in danger. I shouldn’t have slept with you and I shouldn’t have got you pregnant, but now that I have and you are, the least I can do is make sure you’re safe and looked after.’
His words, so reasonable, so decent, were the polar opposite of what she wanted to hear.
Hannah stared at him for several moments, as the small seed of hope she’d let grow in her chest began to wilt.
‘I don’t want to be safe and looked after,’ she said quietly. ‘At least, that’s not a reason to marry someone.’
His eyes narrowed. ‘You don’t think?’
‘No.’ She tilted her chin defiantly, even when she’d begun to shake. ‘I can take care of myself, and our baby.’
‘You have no idea what’s out there.’
‘And nor do you,’ she interrupted forcefully. ‘Neither of us has a crystal ball, but I know this: if I stay here and marry you, I’m going to regret it. I’m going to be miserable, and our child’s going to be miserable. After my parents died, I went to live with my aunt and uncle and saw for myself how damaging this kind of relationship can be. I won’t put our child through that.’
‘Damn it, Hannah. You agreed to this…’
‘Yeah,’ she choked out the agreement. ‘But that might as well have been a lifetime ago.’
‘Not for me.’
She grimaced. ‘No, not for you. And that’s the problem. You can do this—you can marry me and sleep with me and hold me through the night and not feel a damned thing.’ Tears burned her lashes but she dashed them away angrily. ‘I’m not like that. This is real to me.’
‘So stay for that. Stay because you love me. I’m not going to hurt you. Stay because you love me and I’ll spend the rest of my life taking care of you, making sure you are happy in every way. Stay here, marry me. I promise you, Hannah, you will have everything you could ever want in life.’
‘I’ll have nothing I want,’ she contradicted, but it was sad now, not angry. She blinked, as if she were waking up from a nightmare. ‘I can’t do this.’
His eyes didn’t waver from hers. He stared at her, and she felt a pull within him, a tug between two separate parts of him, and then he straightened, his expression shifting to one of calm control.
‘You must.’ He hesitated; she felt that pull once more, as if he were at war with himself. ‘I cannot allow you to walk away.’
‘Are you going to keep me here as your prisoner?’
He stared at her for several seconds. ‘No.’ His hesitation wasn’t convincing. ‘But I will fight you for our child. I need to know she’s safe, Hannah, and only here, under my protection, will I believe that to be the case. I will sue for custody if I have to. I will do everything within my power to bring her to this island—I would prefer it if you were a part of that. For our daughter’s sake.’
She drew in a breath, her eyes lifting to his as those words sliced through her. Words that made her body feel completely weak. The idea of someone as wealthy and powerful as Leonidas Stathakis suing her filled Hannah with a repugnant ache.
But then, she was shaking her head, and her heart thudded back to life.
‘No, you won’t. You’re not going to drag me through the courts and make my life a living hell. You’re not going to do anything that will garner the attention of the press, that will expose our daughter to harm. I don’t mean physical harm. I mean the kind of harm that will befall her when she’s twelve and goes on to the Internet and sees those stories. Do you think I don’t know anything about the man I’ve fallen in love with?’
His jaw throbbed.
‘You’re not going to do that. You’re not going to threaten me and you’re not going to take her from me.’ She swept her eyes shut, exhaling as she realised how right she was. ‘You’re a good person, Leonidas, and you’re not capable of behaving like that. Whatever you might feel, you know our daughter belongs with me.’
‘And not with me?’ he prompted.
‘Yes, with you, too,’ she said simply. ‘And we’ll work that out. We’ll work out a way to share her properly, to give her everything she deserves. For my daughter I would do almost anything—on Capri, I thought I’d even marry you