Maids Under The Mistletoe Collection. Christy McKellenЧитать онлайн книгу.
window.
‘Thank you for doing that,’ he said, walking towards her. ‘I’m sorry to put you through it.’
She shrugged, but didn’t look at him.
‘I guess it’ll satisfy your parents. At least for a while.’ She took a deep shaky-sounding breath. ‘I’m going to go now, Jack,’ she said quietly, still not turning around.
His heart turned over at her words. ‘What are you talking about?’
She turned to face him, her expression shuttered. ‘I need to get out of here.’
* * *
Emma took a deep breath, trying not to let Jack’s incredulous glare stop her from saying what needed to be said.
‘I don’t need to stay here now the journalists have stopped prowling around the house and Perdita’s got her pound of flesh from us,’ she said, keeping her voice steady and emotionless, even though it nearly killed her to do it.
Jack stared at her in shock. ‘But you don’t need to go, Em. You should stay. I want you to.’
She shook her head. ‘I can’t stay here now, Jack, not now we’ve crossed an irreversible line by sleeping together, something we agreed not to do.’
Couldn’t he see that they shouldn’t risk putting themselves in a position where it might happen again, that it would only make things harder and more complicated later when they started the inevitable divorce proceedings?
‘I thought it’s what you wanted too,’ he ground out, his troubled gaze boring into hers. ‘It certainly seemed like it last night.’
She folded her arms across her chest, hugging them around her. ‘You didn’t really think that one night together would fix what’s wrong with our relationship, did you?’
His steady gaze continued to bore into hers, his eyes dark with intent. Sitting down opposite her, he put his elbows on his knees and leaned forwards, his eyes not leaving hers. ‘Emma, I want us to try and make this marriage work.’
Her mouth was suddenly so dry she found it hard to swallow and she was aware of a low level of panic beginning to grow in the pit of her stomach.
‘We’ve been apart for too long, Jack. How can we expect to make a relationship work now?’ Her voice shook with the effort of keeping her emotions at bay.
‘But it does work, Emma, we proved that last night.’
‘You didn’t really think we could just pick up from where we left off, did you?’
He blinked at her in surprise, then opened his mouth as if to answer.
But she couldn’t let him try and persuade her otherwise; this was hard enough as it was. She really couldn’t bring herself to trust that it could all be okay with them this time. What guarantees did they have that it wouldn’t all fall apart again?
‘We shouldn’t have let last night happen. Sex always messes things up,’ she said, her voice wobbling with tension.
He cleared his throat uncomfortably. ‘Are you telling me you regret what happened now?’ A muscle was twitching in his jaw and his brow pinched into a disbelieving frown.
She was hurting him; she could see it in his eyes and it was tearing her apart.
‘I—can’t do this again, Jack.’ But her voice held no conviction. She could see that he thought so too by the way he was looking at her.
As if he knew how very close she was to giving in.
He was still looking at her that way as he got up and walked towards her. Still looking as he pushed his hand gently into her hair and tilted her face towards him. Still looking as he brushed his lips against hers with a feather-light kiss that made her insides melt and fizz.
‘Don’t, Jack...’ she murmured against his mouth, her willpower a frail and insubstantial thing that she was having trouble holding onto.
To her surprise he drew back, giving her the space she needed.
Finally acting as though he was listening to her.
Sliding his hand out of her hair, he took a deliberate step backwards, but didn’t stop looking at her.
She felt the loss of his touch so keenly her body gave a throb of anguish.
‘I want us to have another try at our marriage.’ He took a breath. ‘I need you.’
The passion and the absolute certainty she heard in his voice sent her heart into a slow dive, but she fought the feeling, still too afraid to believe what he was saying was true. ‘You don’t need me, Jack.’
‘Yes, I do! There’s this big hole in my life without you that I’ve never been able to fill. It’s like part of me is hollow. A wound that just won’t heal.’
‘You’re comparing me to a wound now? How romantic.’ But despite her jibe she was aware of a warm glow of longing pulsing deep in her chest now.
She pushed it away, telling herself not to be a fool. It was dangerous to hope for this to work out after last time. Too much time and pain and heartache had come between them since those happier days. He was being naïve to think they could get back what they once had.
He locked his gaze with hers, his expression sincere. ‘I’m going to be here for you this time, Em, every step of the way. I’ll look after you, I promise.’
‘Promises aren’t enough, Jack.’
He ran a hand over his face, suddenly looking tired. ‘Then what do you want from me? Tell me, Emma!’
‘A divorce! Like we’d planned!’ she shouted back in frustration.
He stared at her in shock. ‘You want to get a divorce after what happened between us last night?’
‘It was just sex, Jack. We were both a little tipsy and feeling lonely. It was inevitable, I suppose, after all the time we’ve been spending together. But it didn’t mean anything to me.’ She swallowed hard, forcing back a lash of anguish as he stared at her with pain in his eyes.
‘Don’t tell me last night didn’t mean anything to you because I won’t believe you, Emma. You’re not that good an actress,’ he shot at her.
She recoiled at the fury in his voice, resentment suddenly rising from the pit of her belly at the unfairness of it all. ‘You want to bet?’ she retorted in anger. ‘I’ve had years to perfect my mask. Years of smiling and looking serene in the face of some very taxing situations.’
‘Is that what our marriage is to you? A taxing situation?’
‘It hasn’t been a marriage for years, Jack, just an inconvenience,’ she shouted in utter frustration, feeling a jab of shame at how cruel that sounded.
Unable to bear the look of hurt on his face any longer, she strode away from him, banging her shin hard on the coffee table in her haste. But she didn’t stop to soothe the pain away. She had to get out of there. Away from his befuddling presence. He was making her crazy—bringing back all these feelings she didn’t want to have again.
‘Where are you going?’ he said, trying to block her path with his body, but she pushed past him, dodging away from his outstretched hand.
‘Emma, can we please talk some more about this?’
‘It’s not what I want, Jack. I’ve already explained that. There’s no point trying to hold onto the past. We can never get back what we once had. Everything’s different now.’
‘It doesn’t have to be, Em. Fundamentally we’re still the same people. We can make this marriage work.’
Shaking her head, she backed away from him. ‘No, I’m sorry, Jack.’ She took a deep shaky breath and dug her nails into her palms. ‘I don’t want to be married to you any more.’