Protect and Serve. Gwyneth BoltonЧитать онлайн книгу.
cherry stained furniture and her china cabinet full of knickknacks and family photos.
She knew she wouldn’t be taking any of it with her. Her memories would have to be enough.
Carla would need a place to stay, and since the house was paid for, she could stay here.
Penny only hoped her mother didn’t resort to doing drugs again and end up losing the house and everything in it. But that wasn’t her problem. She couldn’t be responsible for her grown mother.
She wouldn’t be responsible. She refused.
Carla stomped her foot and followed, walking so close she was almost on Penny’s behind.
“I do know how to take care of myself, Brat. I just…Well…with Mama gone now, I just don’t know if…” Carla gave a helpless shrug of her shoulders. “She was the only one who never gave up on me, and she was helping me to stay clean.”
Yet again.
How many times had Big Mama helped Carla get clean and straighten up? And what had given Carla the sense of entitlement that said the whole world had to cater to her needs? Penny couldn’t even fathom how a down-to-earth saint of a woman like Big Mama could have given birth to a self-absorbed person like Carla. She hated that she had to steel herself against Carla’s pleas, because it made her feel hard and cold. A small part of her wanted to help her mother.
However, given her past with Carla, she needed to protect herself. She couldn’t let Carla hurt her again. She wouldn’t be able to deal with it, on top of Big Mama’s death. She would topple over into the waiting black abyss for sure if she opened herself up to fall victim to her mother’s antics again.
“I can’t take Big Mama’s place, Carla. You’re going to have to do it on your own this time.” Feeling as if she was being too harsh didn’t stop Penny from holding her ground.
All those years growing up with a crack addict for a mother had made her toughen up. She had spent too much of her life trying to help Carla and waiting for the woman to get it together. All Penny had ever gotten for her trouble was a broken heart and being called Brat.
Stopping midway in the hall between the dining room and the formal living room, Penny let out a soft hiss and a curse when Carla stepped on the back of her foot.
“You wrong for that, Brat. You just won’t forgive. That’s always been your problem.” Carla rolled her eyes in disgust. “You can’t go through your life like that. That’s why you don’t have nobody special in your life now! Your heart’s hard and cold.”
Penny pursed her lips and slanted her right eye slightly.
Carla made it so easy not to want to help her.
This would normally be the time when Big Mama would cut in and tell them they needed to treat each other better and remind them of the importance of family. But Big Mama wasn’t here anymore. It was just the two of them.
Plastering a smile on her face, Penny started to back away. “Well, Carla…darling mother of mine…I suggest you start learning to toughen up. It’s a cold world out there, and you need to learn how to face it.”
Walking away from Carla proved to be easier than Penny thought it would be. She contemplated leaving for Los Angeles right after the last guest left the house. The fact that Carla could even fix her mouth to talk about help and forgiveness irritated Penny to no end.
“Forgive her, my behind. I can forgive. I already forgave her a million times.” Mumbling to herself as she made her way to the kitchen, Penny didn’t notice Jason until she walked right into him.
First Carla, now Jason! Lifting her head to the ceiling, she couldn’t help but think: What is it? You just don’t like me this week, do you? Is it because I haven’t been to church? If I go to service tomorrow, will you cut me some slack? Huh?
Jason’s strong arms embraced and held her. She felt a slight shiver travel its way across and through her body.
Yes, her traitorous body would still react to his touch, wouldn’t it? Because what else would be more fitting at a time like this than being smacked in the face with the fact that she’d ruined her relationship with the only man who’d ever completed her, mind, body and soul. Yeah. She needed reminding of how much she had loved Jason just as she dealt with the loss of her grandmother and with her crazy, recovering-addict mother. What else would make sure her balancing act crumbled? She took a deep breath and firmed her resolve.
“Sorry,” she muttered, trying not to look into his dark, brooding and still very sexy brown eyes. “I wasn’t looking where I was going.
“You can let me go now.” She tried to pull herself from his hold, but he maintained a grip on her.
“Can I?” Jason gave her a squinting, inquisitive gaze before dropping his arms to his side. “We need to talk, Penny.”
Urghhhhhh! Not today. I’m hanging on by a string here. Honest. Pleading with the universe for some leniency probably wouldn’t work, given her background, but maybe, just maybe, with Big Mama up in the heavens now, she could catch a break. Unless Big Mama was the one pulling the strings…Nah…
“Jason, it was really wonderful of you to come to both the wake and the funeral and pay your condolences. I appreciate it more than you know.” Or would even believe, given our history. “But we really don’t have anything left to talk about. We said everything we needed to say fifteen years ago. And I, for one, don’t feel much like revisiting the past.”
“Well, maybe I need to. I lost the two people that meant the world to me—the two people who I thought would never betray me. I think we have a lot to talk about.” With his jaw set in an angry and stilted manner, Jason appeared immovable.
“Not here. Not today. Please, Jason.” One day she might be able to revisit that moment in her life and try to right the wrongs, but Penny didn’t see it happening on the day she had buried her grandmother.
“So when, Penny? When?”
“Goodness, you’re being a real jerk right now! My grandmother just died!”
A shimmer of regret crossed Jason’s face for a moment and then, just as quickly, turned stony. “And fifteen years ago, a baby I believed was mine died, a baby we were going to raise together. And when that baby died, instead of mourning the loss with the love of my life, I got gut punched by being told that she was in love with the man I thought was my best friend! So forgive me if I still feel like I need to resolve some things and I’m not willing to give you the space to run until you manage to escape town again.”
The hot anger in his eyes burned her to her core. Her stomach started to jump until she could feel it in her throat. She knew without a doubt that she couldn’t deal with Jason now. She would never be able to maintain her facade when faced with his glare, which mixed hurt, anger, and betrayal.
At least fifteen years ago she’d had Terrill there to stand by her.
Terrill had been there through it all. She had hated having to use her best friend in such a manner. If she had it to do all over again, Terrill and Jason’s friendship would be the only thing she would change. She would make it so at least those two could remain friends. Taking a deep breath, she straightened her back and narrowed her eyes, summoning up indignation from somewhere, even though she felt like the person with the least right to any sort of self-righteous stance.
The fact still remained; she had just placed Big Mama in the ground. Jason just showed her once again that, when push came to shove, he really only cared about his own feelings, his own hurt.
She hurt, too. More than she could ever let him know.
“You need to leave, Jason. If you don’t leave, I’ll call your colleagues in blue and have them come and get you. I don’t think you want that. So, just continue to think of me as a whore, a slut, a heartless tramp…whatever you need to do to hold on to your bitterness and make you just stay away from me.”
…A