THE UNCOLLECTED TALES OF 1926-1934 (38 Short Stories in One Edition). F. Scott FitzgeraldЧитать онлайн книгу.
a phrase, a look, a gesture, but his mind chilled at the thought that nothing, nothing, nothing could express what he felt in his heart.
“You embarrass me,” he said wretchedly. “I don’t know what to say.” Noel waited, attuned to what she expected, sympathetic, but too young quite to see that behind the mask of egotism, of moody childishness, which the intensity of Juan’s devotion compelled him to wear, there was a tremendous emotion.
“Don’t be embarrassed,” Noel said. She was listening to the music now a tune they had danced to in the Adirondacks. The wings of a trance folded about her and the inscrutable someone who waited always in the middle distance loomed down over her with passionate words and dark romantic eyes. Almost mechanically, she started the engine and slipped the gear into first.
“At eight o’clock,” she said, almost abstractedly. “Good-bye, Juan.” The car moved off down the road. At the corner she turned and waved her hand and Juan waved back, happier than he had ever been in his life, his soul dissolved to a sweet gas that buoyed up his body like a balloon. Then the roadster was out of sight and, all unaware, he had lost her.
II.
Cousin Cora’s chauffeur took him to Noel’s door. The other male guest, Billy Harper, was, he discovered, the young man with the bright brown eyes whom he had met that afternoon. Juan was afraid of him; he was on such familiar, facetious terms with the two girls—towards Noel his attitude seemed almost irreverent—that Juan was slighted during the conversation at dinner. They talked of the Adirondacks and they all seemed to know the group who had been there. Noel and Holly spoke of boys at Cambridge and New Haven and of how wonderful it was that they were going to school in New York this whiter. Juan meant to invite Noel to the autumn dance at his college, but he thought that he had better wait and do it in a letter, later on. He was glad when dinner was over.
The girls went upstairs. Juan and Billy Harper smoked.
“She certainly is attractive,” broke out Juan suddenly, his repression bursting into words.
“Who? Noel?”
“Yes.”
“She’s a nice girl,” agreed Harper gravely.
Juan fingered the DKE pin in his pocket.
“She’s wonderful,” he said. “I like Holly Morgan pretty well—I was handing her a sort of line yesterday afternoon—but Noel’s really the most attractive girl I ever knew.”
Harper looked at him curiously, but Juan, released from the enforced and artificial smile of dinner, continued enthusiastically: “Of course it’s silly to fool with two girls. I mean, you’ve got to be careful not to get in too deep.”
Billy Harper didn’t answer. Noel and Holly came downstairs. Holly suggested bridge, but Juan didn’t play bridge, so they sat talking by the fire. In some fashion Noel and Billy Harper became involved in a conversation about dates and friends, and Juan began boasting to Holly Morgan, who sat beside him on the sofa.
“You must come to a prom at college,” he said suddenly. “Why don’t you? It’s a small college, but we have the best bunch in our house and the proms are fun.”
“I’d love it.”
“You’d only have to meet the people in our house.”
“What’s that?”
“DKE.” He drew the pin from his pocket. “See?”
Holly examined it, laughed and handed it back.
“I wanted to go to Yale,” he went on, “but my family always go to the same place.”
“I love Yale,” said Holly.
“Yes,” he agreed vaguely, half hearing her, his mind moving between himself and Noel. “You must come up. I’ll write you about it.”
Time passed. Holly played the piano. Noel took a ukulele from the top of the piano, strummed it and hummed. Billy Harper turned the pages of the music. Juan listened, restless, unamused. Then they sauntered out into the dark garden, and finding himself beside Noel at last, Juan walked her quickly ahead until they were alone.
“Noel,” he whispered, “here’s my Deke pin. I want you to have it.”
She looked at him expressionlessly.
“I saw you offering it to Holly Morgan,” she said.
“Noel,” he cried in alarm, “I wasn’t offering it to her. I just showed it to her. Why, Noel, do you think——”
“You invited her to the prom.”
“I didn’t. I was just being nice to her.”
The others were close behind. She took the Deke pin quickly and put her finger to his lips in a facile gesture of caress.
He did not realize that she had not been really angry about the pin or the prom, and that his unfortunate egotism was forfeiting her interest.
At eleven o’clock Holly said she must go, and Billy Harper drove his car to the front door.
“I’m going to stay a few minutes if you don’t mind,” said Juan, standing in the door with Noel. “I can walk home.”
Holly and Billy Harper drove away. Noel and Juan strolled back into the drawing-room, where she avoided the couch and sat down in a chair.
“Let’s go out on the veranda,” suggested Juan uncertainly.
“Why?”
“Please, Noel.”
Unwillingly she obeyed. They sat side by side on a canvas settee and he put his arm around her.
“Kiss me,” he whispered. She had never seemed so desirable to him before.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t want to. I don’t kiss people any more.”
“But—me?” he demanded incredulously.
“I’ve kissed too many people. I’ll have nothing left if I keep on kissing people.”
“But you’ll kiss me, Noel?”
“Why?”
He could not even say, “Because I love you.” But he could say it, he knew that he could say it, when she was in his arms.
“If I kiss you once, will you go home?”
“Why, do you want me to go home?”
“I’m tired. I was travelling last night and I can never sleep on a train. Can you? I can never——”
Her tendency to leave the subject willingly made him frantic.
“Then kiss me once,” he insisted.
“You promise?”
“You kiss me first.”
“No, Juan, you promise first.”
“Don’t you want to kiss me?”
“Oh-h-h!” she groaned.
With gathering anxiety Juan promised and took her in his arms. For one moment at the touch of her lips, the feeling of her, of Noel, close to him, he forgot the evening, forgot himself—rather became the inspired, romantic self that she had known. But it was too late. Her hands were on his shoulders, pushing him away.
“You promised.”
“Noel——”
She got up. Confused and unsatisfied, he followed her to the door.
“Noel——”
“Good