Yes, Please. Thanks!: Teaching Children of All Ages Manners, Respect and Social Skills for Life. Penny PalmanoЧитать онлайн книгу.
to avoid tantrums
AVOID ARGUING
The stand-up battle of wills is only training your child to argue and is to be avoided at all costs. Where possible find an alternative to the confrontation; it will be far less stressful for everyone concerned. If you would like your toddler to do something that you know he will not want to do, try not to ask directly. For instance, try not to say, ‘Please undress for bed now,’ which for a toddler is just the perfect excuse to say, ‘No.’ Try a bit of reverse psychology, as in, ‘I bet you can’t get undressed in the time it takes me to run to the kitchen and fetch your drink. Ready, steady go,’ which is far more likely to have them undressing as quickly as possible. And by the way, let them win. Tell them you can’t believe how fast they were and the next time you’ll have to run faster.
RESPONSIBILITY
From the age of about two, children like to start to feel responsible and as they are battling for their independence it’s a good idea to give them some responsibility. You want to let your children think they are sometimes getting their way although they will be doing exactly what you want (just like husbands really!).
For example, getting dressed can often cause problems with young children so put out two outfits and ask them to choose which one they would like to wear. In their minds they have got their own way but then so have you. Everyone is happy. Ask them to try and get in the car seat themselves and do up their harness. Would they prefer to help Mummy make the beds first or do the dusting? Only ever give them a choice of two things.
Pushchairs are often a cause for a battle. If they don’t want to get in, then, if possible, let them push it, but put reins or a child lead either on them or on the pushchair so you are still in some control.
DISTRACTION
Toddlers have a very short attention span and are easily diverted so use this to your advantage. On the verge of a strop (the toddler’s not yours) or just starting to do something you rather they didn’t, distract them. ‘Did you see that bird out the window? Quick let’s see if it’s still there!’ ‘Quick, come and see the spider running under the bed.’ Ok, there was no bird or spider but they don’t know that and while they’re looking for them they have completely forgotten what they were about to do. Use your imagination. Never forget you’re an adult and they are not yet four.
HOW TO AVOID GOING MAD
Whining
Although young children still have ‘young voices’, discourage them from regressing to whining or ‘baby voices’ when they want something. Crouch down so you are eye to eye and explain that you cannot understand what they are saying and would they please talk in a normal voice.
Snatching
As your toddler will have probably done very little socializing with other children they will not have come across many opportunities to share, and the first time another child snatches their favourite toy away may just be the first time your child whacks someone. Show them how to share by giving a toy to one child to play with for a certain time and then explaining that it is the other child’s turn with it.
Find a different toy to be played with in the meantime. When the time is up ask the child with the favoured toy to pass it to the other child and make a fuss of him when he does and vice versa.
If you have children coming to your house and your child has a very special toy, ask him if he is happy for other children to play with it, although they cannot take it home, or would he rather find some other toys they can play with and put the special toy away until they have left? Children are far more co-operative if they have had a hand in making the decision.
Also note that if you are visiting another child’s home that favourite toy had better remain at home if your child does not wish to share it, as long as he chooses another toy to take.
Aggression – biting, hitting and pinching
Children can demonstrate aggression by biting, kicking, hitting, pinching and throwing things. Don’t worry, it is not abnormal behaviour among toddlers, but it is totally unacceptable and must be immediately discouraged.
WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT
If your daughter bites, hits or pinches another child, immediately tell her in your firm voice with a firm look on your face, ‘No, you are not to bite/hit/pinch.’ First, ask her to apologize to the victim and check the victim is ok. Then remove her to a quiet place to sit or stand with you for a few minutes’ cooling-off time. Do not talk to your child during the cooling-off time (about two minutes) as she might get to see it as one-to-one attention. Afterwards, explain that it is perfectly normal for children to get angry – Mummy gets angry and the best thing to do is to put your hands on your hips and say, ‘I am very angry.’ Get her to practise it in front of you and then send her back to play. The hands on the hips just occupies the hands, preventing her from lashing out.
If she throws something, immediately tell her, ‘No,’ and take her to pick it up and help clear up if anything was knocked over, then continue as above.
Why they are aggressive
ANGER AND FRUSTRATION
Toddlers can become angry just like adults. They are lacking in communication skills and feel they have no other ways of expressing themselves in certain situations, e.g. another child takes a toy from them. Explain