Regency Society. Ann LethbridgeЧитать онлайн книгу.
do you mean?’
‘If you’re doing this for my sake, perhaps you shouldn’t,’ the earl said. ‘I know I’ve pushed you towards marriage, but that girl means something to me. If you don’t love her, let her go and stop this masquerade before it’s too late. I’ll do something for her myself. Indeed, she is welcome to stay with me for the rest of my days if she chooses. You can go back to the life you enjoy. I know now that I was wrong to demand so much of you, Luke. It isn’t right to force you into marriage for my sake. I don’t want either of you to ruin your life for me. That gel cares about us both and I won’t see her hurt. If you marry her, make it a proper marriage and forget this foolish bargain.’
‘I think marriage to Roxanne would suit me well enough. It is no different to many marriages made for position or money. I doubt I shall ever fall in love or want to settle for domesticity. I’m a loner like my father. It wouldn’t be fair to make any woman love me, because I should hurt her.’
‘Your father may not have been what you think him,’ the earl said and sighed heavily. ‘This marriage and an heir before I die would make me happy, Luke—but I’ve been selfish too often in the past. I want both of you to be happy and I’m releasing you from your promise. If you marry her, let it be because it’s what you want.’
‘Thank you, sir.’ Luke inclined his head stiffly. ‘I shall leave you to rest. You may be certain that I shall give this some thought.’
Luke left his grandfather’s bedchamber, striding along the hall and down the stairs. He could feel the anger building inside him. Why hadn’t Roxanne told him that the earl knew everything? Why had she allowed him to think that she was still going through the motions of a make-believe marriage?
She was in a plot with his grandfather to trap him into making this a proper marriage. Once his ring was on her finger there would be no going back. Luke could divorce her, but the scandal would be horrendous and he would never be able to face it. Hurting Roxanne would be like inflicting pain on himself. He’d meant it to be a simple arrangement with no ties on either side, but Roxanne had broken the terms of their agreement.
He felt resentful and bitter, because she had taken his grandfather’s side against him. He could imagine them smiling over their plot, reeling him in like a fish on a line. How dare she talk about him behind his back?
Luke knew that he was the one who had swept her off on a tide of passion on the night of the ball, but he was struggling to keep his head above water and only by transferring the blame could he justify his own reactions. He’d meant it to be the way it was when he took a mistress, passion and pleasure but no emotional entanglement. Roxanne had declared her love in the heat of desire and it had sent him running in a panic.
He couldn’t handle love. Luke’s mouth was dry and his stomach was tying itself in knots. Love hurt too much. It was a black choking sensation that made small boys weep in the darkness and cry out for the mother they had lost. He wasn’t in love with Roxanne. He couldn’t love anyone. He was like his father. She had lied to him by keeping it secret that the earl knew of their bargain.
Roxanne was in her favourite parlour. She was matching silks against a piece of embroidery she’d found somewhere, a look of such perfect content on her face that his fury broke loose in a torrent of bitter words.
‘How dare you lie to me?’ he demanded without preamble, ignoring the look of shock on her face. ‘Have you been plotting together—you and Grandfather? Did you laugh at how easy I was to fool?’
‘I have no idea what you mean? Why should I wish to lie to you—or to make a fool of you?’
She rose slowly to her feet, looking as if he’d struck her. It was the way his mother had looked at his father so many times and it made Luke feel guilty. He struck out blindly, because he could not stand to feel her pain.
‘You did not tell me that you had confessed everything to him.’
Roxanne’s cheeks burned. ‘Grandfather made me promise I would not tell you he knew. I could not keep it from him because he guessed a part of the whole and was angry. I thought he would send me away and I did not wish to leave.’
‘It suits you to live here as a grand lady, I suppose,’ Luke thundered, his expression one of fury and disgust. ‘You’ve been fooling us both, haven’t you? Laughing at us all the time. Who are you really? An adventuress out for what you can get? I fell right into your little trap, didn’t I? You played me so well, pretending to be reluctant and making me persuade you into marriage and giving me an heir. You must have been laughing at my gullibility all the time.’
Roxanne was deadly white. He saw her hands shaking and knew that she was fighting her desire to weep, but his anger was so intense that he could not control it.
‘Have you nothing to say to me?’
‘I believe you have said it all,’ Roxanne murmured between stiff lips. ‘Excuse me. I think I must leave.’
‘I’ll save you the bother. I’m going to London.’
Luke strode from the room. His temper carried him as far as the stables and then he suddenly felt all his energy seep away. Leaning against the wall, he discovered that tears were streaming down his cheeks and he could not stop them. A choking sob broke from him as he mumbled, ‘Roxanne, forgive me. Such a fool. I’m so sorry. So very sorry.’
What had he done? He’d said such dreadful things to her. Terrible, cruel, wicked things that she did not deserve. He knew that she was not an adventuress, nor had she planned this for material gain. Yes, she was glad of a settled home, but she was prepared to give so much in return—all the things that he had lost when his mother died. All the things his soul craved and he feared. He was a craven coward and deserved a horsewhipping for the way he’d spoken to her.
Roxanne would hate him. He had destroyed any feeling she had for him.
She’d said she must leave. In his rage he hadn’t listened. Did she mean leave the room—or leave him? Go away for ever?
He might never see her again. The thought sent such a wave of agony lashing through him that Luke groaned. He had not realised what he had and he’d cast it away without a second thought.
Perhaps it wasn’t too late. If he went back now and begged her pardon on his knees, perhaps she would stay—if not for his sake, for his grandfather’s. She loved the earl. Surely she would not desert him?
Luke strode towards the house. Please let him be in time. If she’d already gone, he would find her. He would find her and bring her back for the earl’s sake.
Even now he was in denial. Even now he could not quite admit that he needed her, needed her more than he had ever believed possible.
He had no right to care. He was not worthy of her love. He did not know how to love. She had the right to walk away if she chose, now that she knew him for what he was. His damnable temper and the way he hurt people—how could Roxanne ever love him?
Roxanne had left the sealed note on the silver salver in the hall. Mrs Arlet would find it and deliver it to the earl later. It would hurt him, though she’d promised that she would return to see him if she could one day—one day when Luke was back in London and she would not have to see him or the lashing scorn in his eyes.
How could Luke have said such things to her? Roxanne felt her throat tighten with pain. It hurt so much to know what he truly thought of her. How could he believe that she was pretending to care for the earl? He must know that she loved him. He must know that she loved them both so much that this was tearing her into shreds.
She was carrying one small bundle, very similar in content to that she had taken when she left the camp of the travelling players. She’d had no choice but to take the gown she was wearing, some underclothes and a spare skirt and bodice, but the ring and necklace Luke had given her were left on the dressing table in her room.
She had less money than when she’d fled from Black Bob. She’d had no need of money in the